Legitimately Me ||H.S||

Chapter 36

"There was never a good time for the truth to come out. And trust me when I say I didn't want her to know. I know she has this idea of who we are in her head, and outing the truth was not in my plan. But at the time, I wanted her to see that every nerve in her body was in denial. For I know she feels the same. And if I was just honest, maybe she would let me in and allow herself to feel something.

But I was wrong. And now I sit here in silence. Days have felt like weeks and I hope that weeks don't turn into months. For every minute without her, feels like hours. And every time I get to look into her sky colored eyes, knowing that I can't kiss away the pain her features show, the time just seems to pass even slower, and she feels even farther away from me.

I wish I could tell her that I need her more than I show. That every time my father calls and tries to make things right with me, I want for her to be there and tell me that keeping my distance from him is the right choice. So far, she has been there with me every step of the way, without even knowing it. She has gotten me through all the times I've needed her.

She is the only thing that helps me to forget. She's the only thing that keeps me going. And without her, knowing that she knows the truth, that inside of me is a heart consumed with all things her, I don't want to think that she would just give this all up.

Because nothing in life feels right without her. And I need to see the smile on her face. I need to feel her heartbeat race against my skin, touch her soft lips with mine. There has always been some electrified force that always brings us back together, and all I can hope for, is that this force never burns out, and she will come back to me.

Boy_Undiscovered"

This week has been a relatively hard one on me. It's only Thursday and it already feels like weeks have passed since Harry told me how he feels. Starting my job at the bookstore wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, and it gave me a reason to forget everything for a few hours. The manager, Tenley is upbeat and friendly and a nice change from what I deal with at school. I've only worked two shifts and now have a few evenings off to focus on writing my report for English class along with other homework, before I have to go back to work on the weekend.

I've kept my distance from everyone at school over the last few days. Catching up on everyone's blogs was something I probably shouldn't have done, because reading their words hurt more than I could have possibly imagined. The whole date with Niall backfired on me and now it's just something for everyone to laugh at me for, knowing that I wouldn't sleep with him and lost my date for prom. Their written words shouldn't have hurt as much as they did, for I know that I should be proud of myself for not being like the rest of the girls in this town. But hearing whispers and seeing the stares in the hallways made feeling proud impossible.

The only person I've allowed myself to talk to, is Kate. And I've come to realize that she's the only real friend I have left, other than Carter, who I haven't had a chance to see. At this point, I'm having a hard time keeping mine and Harry's secret, wanting someone to talk to about it, needing help with trying to figure out what I should do.

I don't know my feelings. I don't know how to feel about Harry's. I don't know if continuing on with what we're doing is a good idea or not and I know something more is out of the question. I feel as if I'm at a loss when it comes to him. He confuses me. One day he doesn't love me and the next he confesses that there are feelings there. And I hate it. I hate it more than anything.

But he's giving me the time that I need to think about it. He's giving me the space I asked for. He hasn't bothered me like I thought he would, and he's left me alone. I have felt his eagerness every time our eyes have met during class. He's been bouncing his knee far too often in anticipation and tapping his pencil on his notebook, and every time I walk out of class or leave my locker, I can see his shoulders slump from the corner of my eye.