Hallelujah

Chapter 3.

"TYLER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Go to the closet. And there you will see your other friend".

" You're a coward Tyler. Nobody cares about you. You're a void to this world. You're a void to this world. You're a void to this world. You're a void to this world"

"TYLER!"

"NO STOP!" I jolted out of my sleep. Heavy breathing suffocated my body. Beads of sweat slowly making its way down from the tips of my hair. I came face to face with my mom. She herself breathing hard as if she ran a lap around the house.

"Are you okay? What were you dreaming about? Usually from small shakes im able to wake you up! You literally scared me to death!" She screamed.

"I kept looking around the room. Every dream that I have always feels so vidid. So, real. It's as if I'm physically there watching myself suffer and not being able to do anything about it. I wondered why I kept hearing the word "void" echo throughout my brain. It scared me. It still wasn't making sense. My shoulder began to shake, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Tyler hunny? Are you okay? Can you answer me please?"

"I'm fine. Just had a bad dream or whatever. W- what time is it?"

"It's two in the morning. I heard you screaming and I jumped out of bed thinking someone was attacking you or something. That's how loud it was!".

I looked over at the clock seeing if it was really 2 in the morning. And sure enough, it was. I removed the blankets from my damp legs and twisted my body so my legs could lightly hang over the bed. I took a few breathes in and out so I could collect myself. I could feel my mother's eyes burning into my head, to see what she could collect herself. "I'm going downstairs. Let me be by myself please" I knew that if she had said something, it would result in us arguing and I didn't feel like dealing with that. I seen her head shake out of the corner of my eye and that was my cue. I opened the door and made my way down the hallway toward the long flight of steps.

As i reached the bottom of the steps I let out a long sigh. I walked around the couch to finally reach the front of it and sat down. It was utterly quite, in which I wanted. I drew my attention towards the plasma screen t.v, in my case I'm surprised my mom could afford. My mind distance itself from reality and I began to black out. I could see my reflection in the t.v. I looked so dead in the face. White as a ghost and skinny. I didn't look human. I wouldn't be surprised if someone looked at me and screamed. My eyes flicked down to my neck and through the screen I could see the the dark red and blue marks among the crease of my neck. I lifted my hand and felt the marks from my attempt. I flinched from the pain, but it didn't stop me from touching it again. I lifted my hand, this time expanding my fingertips around my swollen neck. I applied pressure to the colorful spots, igniting instant pain that soon felt wonderful. I pushed my fingers down harder this time not being able to inhale the next time I exhale. I tilted my head back, rolling my eyes up towards the ceiling enjoying the feeling I was given. My mouth started to part open as even more air was cut off from sliding down into my wind pipe.

"Do it Tyler. Do it"

My grip started to unloose as I heard his voice throughout my head. If I wanted to do this, then I wanted to do it on my own. But the more I thought about it, the less I didn't want to finish. "I can't do this" I said out loud. I put the rest of my body onto the couch and covered my self up with a blanket that was laying on top of the couch. Tomorrow was going to be a long day considering school starts again. Whatever it takes to get out this hell hole was fine by me. My eyes are always intrigued with looking at the ceiling before falling alseep. I guess you can say it's better that way. My eyes became swollen with the lack of rest. So I took one final blink before drifting off into sleep I knew wouldn't last long.
****
"Tyler? Tyler wake up"

Who could this be? I thought. Maybe I'm just hearing things.

"Tyler? You gotta get up or you'll be late to school. It's the first day back so let's go"

"Jesus that women dosen't give up".

"I know" I said out loud. Ultimately not realizing that I did.

"You know what? Tyler don't start with the bullshit".

I examined her face. I'm pretty sure she knew what I was doing and who I was talking to. I didn't really care anymore. The only thing I don't want her to know is what his name is. She'll use that shit against me along with everything else she thinks she knows. Mom's for yuh right?

"Reverse that around. Don't start with me". I got up and made my way over to the stairs, catching a glimpse at the clock on the wall. It's 6:40 and school started at 8:00. Either way I'm always late so what difference did it make? I felt cold fingers touch my wrist, giving me a sign to turn around. But I stood there, back facing her and not caring what she had to say next.

"Drop the additide. Don't take it to school and don't walk around here with it. Grow up".

I forcefully yanked my arm out of her grip and began to go up stairs. "God I hate you" I mumbled under my breath. My feet dragged me up the stairs and led me to my dark and death filled room. I think about it everytime I walk in or I am in it. It's something that I think, if a human ever tried, it'll always be apart of them. No matter how many pills you take or how many people you'll see, the memory will always be with you. This paradox of life, will always be with you. I went to my closet and looked at the first thing I saw. I grabbed a black t-shirt that was way to big on me becuase of my scrawny figure, and black pants that didn't fit me because of the same situation. I walked back over to my door to go and wash my face along with all the other things I needed to do. When I flicked the light on I looked at my self just like how I did any other time. In disgust. Dark bags outlined my brown eyes. My chapped lips looked more unappealing then ever. I hated myself. I definitely didn't want to go to school with colorful marks on my neck, but what choice did I have? "Just get this day out of the way Tyler" I said to myself.