Hallelujah

Chapter 25.

"Please don't forget about me tyler. I don't want to be my only friend. I miss you. Josh dosen't deserve you. I do. TYLER PLEAS-"

"Tyler! Wake up"

Josh voices jolted me out of my sleep and into the real world. His warm hand was placed in my shoulder from I guess shaking me awake. I put my my hand over my chest to slow breathing down so I wouldn't go into some epileptic shock, but without the sezuire. His lips were placed in top of my warm head, and left a reassuring but quick "I'm here" kiss. I sat up and out my back against the wall so I could get a full view of my surroundings.

"So you usually have nightmares?" He asked.

"N-no? I don't recall ever having them".

"Are you dreaming of something that would make you have them? Did you think of something before you fell asleep last night? Well.. technically this morning".

"I don't think I did. But, actaully, ever since I started taking those pills, I've had day dreams. Not night one's. I didn't really look at the side effects of them because I don't care". Josh scoffed before looking at me.

"Well ty I think that's the problem here. You're always supposed to look at the side effects before you take something. Especially for what you have".

"Well unfortunately I have an appointment today with the stupid therapist. I guess I can talk to him about it". I knew deep down I wouldn't talk at all, but I didn't want to say that in front of josh. In response he smiled and kissed my nose.

"Good. By the way, what time would that therapy session be?"

Quite frankly I didn't know. We stormed out of my house before even asking any questions about anything. I remember my mom saying we had an appointment, but I never let her finish.

"I-I don't know. When we sneaked out of my house, before that my mom was yelling at me about it and I never let her finish."

"That's vital information ty! Geez".

"It's whatever".
****
"Well I'm happy you could stay over tyler! I would love for you to come back over". Josh's mom spoke.

"Defitnly, I had a really good time here". I looked over Josh who was already looking me with a grin.

"Well, I'm gonna take him home. I'm be back in maybe, 30 minutes?"

Josh's mom cheerfully spoke up.

"Okay! By tyler!"

I turned around before shutting the door.

"Bye mrs. Dun".
****
Josh was holding my hand as we appread around the corner to my house. Or as I like to think of it, death. We pulled into the bumpy driveway and sat. I stared at my leg, not wanting to get up and leave my safe haven.

"You can't sit here forever tyler". He said.

"Yes I can. Just pretend I'm not in the car and drive off"

"I can't do that beautiful. Besides, I don't think your mom would like that. Needless to say I doubt she likes me".

"Yea, I guess". I patted my hands on my lap and looked over at him. I could tell he didn't want me to leave either, but from the feeling I got when I left the car, i'd be back over sooner than I thought.

"I walked into the door taking off my shoes and sitting down on the stiff couch. I could hear my mom coming down from upstairs doing god knows what. I didn't bother turning around to look at her, so I stared into the blank t.v. and watched her reflection come to where I was. The smell of her horrid perfume pissed me off to even be in the house.

"So". She blankly spoke.

" I don't know how many messages I left you or how many calls I left you but I was seriously on the verge of calling nine-one-one. But then I figured at the time that Josh kid was here, you probably left with him. So I gave up".

She left her words out in the open, as if I was suppose to take them and feel pitty for her.

"Sooo? Do you want me to feel bad or what? I dont know what you think you're going to get out of me".

"Well I wanted you to tell me why you just suddenly lef-"

"Because you irritate me!". I yelled.

"Do you even realize that you put me through mental and physical hell? I shouldn't have to take pills because of you because of this shit in my head! I could have been normal. I could have been somebody important! But no, because I don't have the support that a mother should give to their child, this is the side effect. You're the one who screwed me up. And you're the reason why I try to be here less!".

I watched as her gaze went from me to the ground. Maybe i had struck some nerve in her to finally make her open her eyes and see the destruction that she was causing. I didn't like blaming my problems on myself, so I put them on anyone who was around me. And usually that was my mom. I don't want to admit that I have this evil in my head that wants me dead along with everyone in its path. I trully, deep down inside, don't want to admit that I'm the problem.

"Well I canceled the therapy appointment today. I figured if you're not going to go there to talk to this man so he could help you, i'd just take my money and go somewhere else with it. You seem like you can figure these problems out on your own and so that's what I'm going to let you do. From now on I don't care who you hang out with or where you go, if you need help I'm not the person to come to".

"Help?! Help?!" I jumped up and stood right infront of her. The same bubbly boiling feeling I always get in my vains started to come back.

"You've neverr helped me! What? You think you're some superhero just because she saved her son from dying. You think you're so amazing because you're sitting here standing up for yourself like you've never had a problem with it before? Your opinion on me has never bothered how I think. How we think".

I began to walk away when she lightly pulled on my shirt, making me turn around.

" I've always cared Tyler. You've just been too stupid and ignorant to see that". Her words left a small sting, but nothing to make me cry. But at that moment, I thought of the best comeback.

"You know what he said to me?"

"Who? Josh? Like I care what he thinks". She scoffed.

"No. Blurry"

Her face instantly dropped with fear.

"W-what?"

"He told me to kill you the other day, but I told him no. I fought back. But now that I'm thinking about it, it doesn't seem like such a bad idea". I started deeply into her eyes, I knew she could probably see him in me. And that's what I wanted her to feel. Fear.

"Oh and by the way, I'm gay".

W: I really do think I'm gonna stop this book. I've been messaging people asking them if they would like to take it and do whatever they want with it. I feel like my writing skills are horrible and that this is getting nowhere. I'm out of this world depressed and I have nothing to do with my life but to force myself to think about it. But until then, I'll keep fixing this crap.