demons » joshler

17

there's no way- there's no way he can do this. god. it's just not possible. 

yes, he likes tyler, yes, he loves kissing him and being close to him and all that stupid sappy crap- but does he love him? does he? or does he love the idea of him, the idea of someone loving him?

of course he likes that idea, he's always liked ideas that weren't real. 

(like mcr.)

but he knows that he can't do this, not in a million years. not until he's perfectly, absolutely, completely certain that he loves tyler back. because he knows what it's like to be led on, to fall in love and think that your love is requited, when it's all a lie.

he might break that promise. he might. josh knows that, he knows it perfectly well.

like now, when tyler is staring at him with a half-smirk on his face and his hair is all messed up and his face still red- they just finished a concert, but from the looks of them you'd think they'd just had sex.

he- of course he wants to. it's tyler, come on, who wouldn't-

josh can't. not in a million years.

(he is such a big fat liar. he'd drop all his morals in a second and do it. he's just, well, a little nervous.)

josh, says tyler, nice job out there. can i kiss you?

yeah. sure. of course. nice job too, you were great. (you always are. you're always perfect.)

at least you didn't pass out again, tyler says when they break apart, and he's grinning. that would've been bad.

understatement of the year. he got away from suspicion last time by claiming nerves, but if it happens again, they're gonna have psychologists swarming all over him. not to mention bad publicity.

don't think about that, josh.

he shakes his head, looks tyler in the eye, and sighs.

kiss me again.