demons » joshler

33

tell our dad i'm sorry.

tell our dad i'm sorry.

tell our dad i'm sorry.

you're an angel.

you're an an...gel.

-

tyler is sobbing harder than josh has ever seen him cry before, to the point where he can almost believe that it's not entirely faked.

in between his sobs he chokes out unintelligible words, over and over. something about how he's sorry. something about how it's all his fault.

if josh could laugh right now, he'd be hysterical.

but he can't.

he can barely open his eyes. and truth be told, he hasn't even tried to do that yet. he hasn't moved a single muscle since he came to.

josh has just been laying here, not even feeling pain, not even feeling remorse, only pure anger flashing through his veins (along with the painkillers, as if he needs any more drugs in his system). anger at himself. anger at his stupidity, his inefficiency. anger at tyler.

he shouldn't be alive right now. this isn't right. there's no way he should've survived.

it's deja vu, plain and simple. he's been here before, a disappointed failure, but tyler wasn't crying then.

so he must've come pretty close this time.

maybe he did do it, and now he's a ghost, and he can haunt tyler and make his life hell--

no, that's just unrealistic.

and besides, tyler isn't... he's not that bad, josh supposes. just misguided, a little bit, maybe.

and very, very good at faking.

because he's still crying. it's been that way since josh woke up, and that must've been an hour ago at the very least.

josh feels like there's only a certain number of fake tears a human can produce, and tyler must have hit that limit ages ago, so either something weird is going on or... 

or tyler actually means it.

but that's just stupid talk.

tyler doesn't have an attachment to josh. josh has never been anything more than a convenient boy that could be used as a drummer, a one-night stand (or in their case, many nights), a sob story to garner more money. josh could be replaced in a heartbeat, and he's always been aware of this. there's a million other dudes who could take his spot and do it better than him... they just haven't because kicking your bandmate out for real is kinda sorta bad publicity.

and tyler's all about publicity, don't you know?

so he decides silently that tyler is just a very, very good actor, and notes that he's impressed-- he'll have to mention it to tyler when he remembers how to talk again.

that's a strange thought.

to be honest, he could probably move and talk if he really wanted to, but it's all so difficult and his head is so heavy and the bed is so warm...

he hears the sound of a door opening, and tries to shallow his breathing so he appears asleep again. tyler hasn't noticed, due to the intense concentration needed to keep up this crying act, but the doctor might notice. and josh doesn't want to talk right now, really.

is he going to make it? he hears tyler ask tearfully, and josh would roll his eyes now if he could.

drop the act, ty. no one cares here.

the doctor says he's fairly certain about it, that josh should wake up soon. it's a miracle, but somehow, he's pulled through.

any... lasting damage? now tyler's voice is worried, concerned, stained by the tears that spill on his lip.

surprisingly, there shouldn't be, the doctor reassures him.

(great, josh thinks with a sinking feeling of dread. so he'll be back on stage in less than a month.)

but his moping is interrupted by tyler sobbing even harder than he has before.

i just, he manages through choking cries, i just don't know why he'd do this. it's not the first time, you know. and i thought he was doing okay, cos we're off tour now and it's not stressful, really, but i think it's my fault cos i let him go home and i didn't check up on him even though i knew he was lying to me, he said he went to his parents' house but i knew it wasn't true, oh god, oh god, what if it's my fault? it's my fault, isn't it? i did this to him?

tyler sounds broken. helpless. it's almost terrifying. he's supposed to be the one who's collected, calm, and chill. he's supposed to break down only when it's convenient for the music. he's not supposed to be this good at faking.

he'll be okay, the doctor repeats quietly, but tyler is still crying. his voice grows louder, and josh can tell it's because he's facing him now.

i'm sorry, josh. i'm so sorry.

is he?

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