demons » joshler

23

today he gets a call from his mom. sounds silly, but they haven't talked in a while, and josh is grateful for the opportunity.

at least, until she asks about everything that's happened.

she heard about him passing out, and the media didn't skim over his hospital visit either. they were puzzled about it at first, but a famous musician disappearing for a week, only to be seen again in a hospital, isn't the biggest mystery anymore.

so he's nothing special, then.

josh tells his mom not to worry, he has everything under control.

and he does. really. four days till the end of tour.

he spends his downtime staring at empty pill bottles, contemplating filling them up again. knowing exactly what will happen if he does.

his eyes burn when he blinks, and he considers raiding the stash of alcohol that their tour manager keeps with him.

josh hasn't drank since he was a teenager, but what's the harm in starting now?

there's a sad tone to his mom's voice when she hangs up, regret painted in every syllable she speaks. and that's all josh's fault.

good job. that's another person you've upset. feel better now?

he doesn't talk to tyler. tyler doesn't talk to him. everything that he's constructed so carefully is shattering again. reality slides five different ways. is it the lack of sleep? maybe someone laced his food.

(ha. what food?)

it can't hurt to get drunk. at least once, you know. as soon as the tour ends, he'll take his pills again, he'll get a little bit drunk... there's nothing wrong with it, you know. he'll peel off the bandages on his wrists, check what's underneath, maybe ruin himself again.

when the tour ends, no one will care anymore.

god knows he doesn't.