Listen Before You Speak

Chapter 11

This chapter is dedicated to Miss J.K. Rowling who celebrated her 51st birthday, and who is in my opinion the best writer in the world. Thank you for playing a huge part in my childhood and now my adulthood with your writing.

When I realized what was really happening my shirt was already somewhere on the ground. I could feel my bare chest pushing against Blake, sharing the warmth of two bodies. His towel slowly starting to become undone. He has done this before. He is leading me. I think I am in control, but I am not. He is just making me think that I am.

"Stop it..." Half of my voice was smothered with another kiss.

I felt my hands move to his chest. Trying to put space between us. Trying to push him away, but he was just pulling me even closer.

"I said stop it!"

I was on the ground. Panting and out of breath. I caught a glimpse of Blake's manhood as he wrapped the towel around his waist, covering his modesty. I looked away. I didn't want him to know that I have seen it. I just wasn't ready for that step yet. I have only had my first real kiss a few days ago. I wasn't ready to lose my virginity any time soon, but somehow my body has betrayed me. I wasn't even in control of my own body apparently.

"What's wrong?"

I could feel his breath on my neck as he pulled me into a tight hug, holding me close. Making everything even more uncomfortable for me, feeling our bare chests pushed together once more.

"I can't Blake," I whispered. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't him. It was me. But that seemed a little bit to cliché, even if it was the truth.

"You can't what?" Blake asked. I desperately wanted to see his eyes. I wanted to know if there was disappointment hiding behind the sparkle it usually had. I think I would have been very disappointed at this point in time if I was him. Still he kept me in the hug, probably focusing his eyes on something behind me.

"I've never done this... Been with another boy..." I said. I just couldn't say the actual word.

"I figured," Blake replied, still holding me closer and tighter.

"So, I can't," I said again. "And you need to get dressed."

I needed him to get dressed as soon as possible. I just didn't like the idea of him being this close without any clothing on. Apparently there was no way I could trust myself or my body with him this close in only a towel. And I needed to be able to trust myself more than I trusted him.

"Okay Elijah."

"Are you mad at me?" It was at this point that he let me go and looked me right in the eyes. I didn't see disappointment. I saw something else. Something I could not give a name at the time. It was warm. It was like melted chocolate. Sweet and warm.

"Why would I be mad at you? You're not ready, and there's nothing wrong with that. But I might like to keep on kissing you a lot," Blake said and smirked, bringing humor into the seriousness of the situation, making me give a weak smile as well.

"Well, I guess that would be okay," I said and out of my own accord, fully knowing and in control of what I was doing, I gave him a quick kiss. "Now get dressed."

"Yes sir!" Blake said as he jumped up to stand at attention, making me giggle. He might be corny and completely stupid sometimes, but at least I was smiling, which made it totally worth it.

I fell asleep in a boy's arms for the first time that night. Feeling truly safe for the first time in a very long time. I snuggled closer to Blake as I listened to his breathing getting deeper and deeper, and there in the nook of his arm I did not struggle to fall asleep like I did every night. I had no fear that someone would appear in front of my bed and scare the hell out of me. I wasn't even afraid of my nightmares anymore. Everything was just perfect. I could close my eyes and fall asleep.