Listen Before You Speak

Chapter 19

I am dedicating this chapter to a very old friend of mine; Markus. I hope things get better for you soon. You are on my mind.

The wind was ripping at my seams as I looked up at the moon that hung like a sickle in the sky, staring down at the tears streaming over my face. And that was all that I did. I stood there with a tear streaked face, looking up at the moon as if it would give me answers, or at worse, cut the pain and sorrow from my chest. I didn't even notice the long black car that brought me here anymore. I didn't care if Kevin could see that my shoulders were shaking with sobs that escaped my body. I couldn't care less about what was going to happen next either.

A certain part of me wanted Blake to know me well enough to find me. He had found me before and if he really thought about it he would know where to find me again. But was I really ready for him to find me? Would I be willing to listen to him and allow him to explain everything Alice had to say? Was there even an explanation for beating your boyfriend up and then raping him? Would I just do what I felt like doing and push him down the hill, hoping that nobody would notice as he falls to his death? But that I know would break me forever, even if I wasn't broken already.

Blake had promised that he would glue me back together again. That he would make me whole. But with one look from his eyes he broke me even further. He shattered my already broken soul into a thousand other pieces and left it laying on the ground, even stumbling over it afterward, turning the last shards into fine dust that could easily be blown away in the wind, but never be mended, not even if you worked on it for a thousand years.

What he did on our date was so sweet. It was so romantic. But how could I have known about his past. I also had a past, but dammit. I didn't commit the crime. I only kept quiet. And I caused it... Maybe we did fit together? Maybe we belonged together because of our secrets and the wrongs we have done in the past?

"Elijah?"

I didn't even hear him approaching me. I probably wouldn't even have noticed his voice next to me, but his hand on my shoulder I could not ignore.

"What?" It wasn't fair to him to be this curt, but I could not help myself. A few weeks ago I would not have answered him at all, and I didn't see that as rude in the slightest.

"I think you're being too hard on Blake," Kevin said as he softly turned me around so that I could look him straight in the eyes. The nervousness of earlier was gone. I was staring into the most honest blue eyes that I have ever seen.

"How would you know?" I asked.

"Would you be willing to hear me out?" he asked, his voice soft and calm.

"How would you know about Blake?" I asked again.

"I know enough. Now will you listen to me please?"

If it wasn't for the honesty in his eyes I would have turned him away. Maybe if he still had his uniform on, I would have also turned him away, but instead of the oversize suit he was wearing earlier, he now had a blue hoodie on, making his blue eyes pop even more.

"You have five minutes," I answered, even though I really felt the urge to tell him to get lost and leave me here to cry by myself.

"Blake has always been kinda popular if you know what I mean. I mean, seriously... What's not to like? He's hot and good in sports and just an overall cocky guy who gives smart-ass but correct answers to everything," Kevin started.

"You sound like you know him," I observed.

"I did know him once..." Kevin said as he sat down on the cold dirt, leaving me to do the same, not wanting to tower out above him. "And he's never been a bad kid you know."