Listen Before You Speak

Epilogue

EPILOGUE

Mr. van Leer's POV

Deep into the fantasy land of yet another book I fell. I was fighting dragons and rode on broomsticks, ducked from the green flashes of a dark wizard, and leapt out of the way of an angry giant, almost stepping on me, surprising me by its height. The land became a part of me, or rather, I became a part of it. Then the phone rang.

"Van Leer, hello," I said into the phone, setting my book down gently, as if I could hurt the fantasy world I was engulfed in for the past two hours.

"Is Elijah there?" a girl's voice came from the other side.

"Who can I say is calling?" I asked out of pure habit, although I recognized the voice immediately.

"It's Lucy here Mr. van Leer," the voice said. I could hear that she had been crying.

On the one hand I wanted to ask her to call back later. It had taken me almost an hour to get Elijah to stop vomiting when we left the hospital and another ten minutes after that before I could get him into the car without protest. He had been through a long and difficult day. Not to mention a sad one. It was hard enough to drive any person halfway mad, and still he kept standing.

Even as I listened to the breath of the girl on the other side of the phone I could still see him going directly to his room, grabbing his blankets and pulling himself in the fetal position, doing nothing but cry. Even when I had sat down to try and comfort him he refused to accept the little help I could give at a situation like this. Another reason why I was reading. He found some sort of comfort in crying. I found it in reading.

"Yes... Maybe... Yes, it would be good for him to talk to someone," I heard myself say even though I had barely made the decision consciously yet.

"Thank you," Lucy said.

"Just hold on one second," I said as I got up from the couch and started walking toward Elijah's room. It might not have been the type of room he was hoping for, but it was a room none the less.

It hadn't been easy to get the social worker to allow Elijah into my custody, but luckily Sarah was an old friend of mine. We went to the same high school. Actually the exact same one I was currently teaching at. But I could not let Elijah fall into the system. Or worse... Go to people he had never met before in his life. Putting him in a different school where he had nothing familiar; nobody to hold on too.

I remember my first day giving class. I could not keep my eyes of the kid with the fringe in his eyes and the cross drawn across his lips, willing me not to dare and ask him a question. Off course I did. And he didn't answer. Just sat there, staring at me from eyes I could not see. He fascinated me. Intrigued me even. That was the day that I promised myself that I would help him some day. Any day. No matter what.

I knocked on his door and waited a minute. It was not like I was expecting him to answer, but I wanted him to feel that this was his space. A place where he could be happy and safe.

A second knock was purely courtesy since I already knew that I would be opening the door as I did.

"Elijah's not here right now. Would you mind if I asked him to give you a call a bit later on?" I asked into the phone, my eyes scanning the empty room looking for any sign of the boy who was supposed to be curled up on the bed. Dealing with the most difficult day of his life so far.

"Sure sir. Tell him I will be awake, no matter when he calls," Lucy answered.

I greeted and waited until the phone died in my ear before I walked into the room. The only part of Elijah still left was his journal. Laying open on the bed, almost as if he wanted me to see it. Wanted me to know what was going on in his life. And against every single moral fiber in my body, but with the curiosity of a foster parent, teacher and bookworm I took up the book and allowed my eyes to scan the content that was written right beneath today's date.

I cannot live without him, not a moment more.

Without him I'm nothing but a great big sore.

Imagine losing everything in just a single night.

Understand that it sucked out all of my light.

I need to cross the threshold into another land.

Because I can't live without him; I just can't.

Forgive me my intrusion into this broken place.

I never could find a truly peaceful space.

Leaving here is sacred, my biggest wish of all.

I cannot stand without him, so I will cause my own fall.

I am sorry Sam. I need to be with Blake. I cannot imagine a world where he is not there to wipe away my tears and hold me in his arms. I am broken. Broken beyond compare and the only person who could have fixed that slipped from my world. Now you need to let me go as everybody has already done.

Thanks for everything.

Elijah.

I could not breathe...

He was gone. He had run away from home and he was gone.

I could feel the panic rising up inside me like a monster going in for the kill. I ran through mental images, hoping to find the place where he would go to. A place where he would feel safe enough to end it all.

Then I saw it...

Red on the carpet, spilling out of the closed cupboard.

***

I watched as Elijah was pushed out of the house on a small bed with wheels. His pale face looking so innocent and small against the blue and red that covered his cold body.

I could not help the streaks of tears running down my face as the siren went on and the vehicle moved away from my house, red flashing lights indicating the seriousness of the situation.

"You can't save them all Sam, you can't save them all," I muttered as I wiped the tears from my eyes, ready to go back to my fantasy land until the call came that would end it all.

"Maybe you should listen before you speak," I said to myself as I sat on the edge of Elijah's bed, paging through his journal of poems; allowing myself to be the first one to listen to him. Really listen, without saying a world. Listen closely before I speak, just like he used to do for way too long.