Letters «Ziam AU» *CoWritten with @JAY122096* [ON HOLD]

Letter 5.2 (Liam)

ZAYN, oh my Dear Lord Zayn!

How've you been?! I'm not dead, I promise, I'm still here, alive, kicking and well! Well, I've been better, what's it been? An ENTIRE MONTH? I'm sorry I'm bombarding you with so much after disappearing for as long as I did, and I know I have so much explaining to do, I know I do, and I'm sorry I broke my promise to you. You know the one; I won't EVER leave you alone long ever again? Well, I broke it. And I'm sorry, it was so entirely against my will, and if I could've opted out, I would've. Honestly.

I've missed you so much. So much more than it should be allowed to miss someone you've never even met in person before. Your eyes were in my dreams every night, and although I don't know how wide and happy your smile can get, I've missed that too, if that's even possible!

Okay, so now the WHY: Remember how I told you I was in the simulator for the combat zone for a week? Well, as it turns out, there was more reason behind that than just doing it for training. About three days after my last letter my sergeant came to my little corner of the base, and told my squad that we'd be needed for the real deal. No more simulators, no more practice; now it was do or die. And the moment he said that, my heart dropped. I really don't want to get into specifics of what all went on while I was on active duty, but I will say that I saw some things no amount of training could've prepared me for. My own buddy, the one man here who I could say was here for me, and I for him.... I came back one man short. And it could've been avoided. It just.... I'll stop. No need for further depressions, yeah? I was so scared that I would end up like that myself. I couldn't just...

I may not be like the guys here who are risking their lives, while having a family they hope to return home to, no, that's not me at all.

But I have you.

And the thought alone of possibly not being able to return to write you one last time.... Let's just say it was a bit more than I could handle. But I got through it. And I' here, I'm back.

And I hope... I really hope I can say this honestly this time... I'll never leave you alone for as long as I did EVER again. If I do, I give you permission to find a new pin-pal, alright?

But I hope you don't have to do that, and I hope I'm able to keep that promise (:

Alright, so, I've been thinking long and hard over some things, okay? And anything that you don't want to answer, you don't have to. You can call this twenty questions if you will, hahaha.

1) Do I bore you at all?

2) Do you find me interesting (when we're actually exchanging letters)

3) Do you think.... I could ever meet you...somehow?

4) Do you ever think about me?

5) Do you think.... I could ever stand a chance with you?

And uhm, I know that this is just random, in regards to the rest of the letter, but while I was out there, and my mind sometimes (okay, most of the time, but whatever) drifted to thoughts of you, I just, I couldn't get those thoughts out of my head. And I was supposed to be focused,and it wasn't supposed to happen like that, and I had a job to do. But you distracted me! And you're not even here. Your pretty face, and lovely cheekbones, and your face damnit.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that just kind of uhm, slipped, a bit there.

I don't even know why I still write you.

I have the skills and charm of a ninety year old mental patient.

My life is just one continuous stream of awkward and regrets. Regrets of being awkward.

Alright so... I think I've said all I have to say here. And I hope I answered any unasked question you had? If not, when I get your letter *crosses fingers* I'll answer them then (:

Uhh, don't forget my questions, too. Okay? Okay.

I, uhh, I love you Zayn. I'm not in love with you, though. I just...

To hell with it all dude.

Bye Zaynie, stay beautiful for me yeah?

Your Soldier,

L.J.P.

11/6/13

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A/N: Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely perfect?! Jay did this perfectly and its so... MEEEEEEHHHHHHH! This is most definitly my favorite chapter of this book so far and it may very well stay my favorite! Its smazing! Okay, enough fangirling over my best friends amazing letter! Bye guys! Hope you all love this as much as I do! (Unlikely)