Jazs's Journal

July 27th , 2016

I'm in a situation I rather not be in. I'm in love with one guy and we connect on levels that are uncharted and unmeasurable. He good to be and I am good to him. He's not mean and he's caring. He's liked me for 3 years (since 2013) and now he finally gets me and I want him just as much.
On the other end this other guy has liked me for a year and has been trying to get my attention since 2015 .. And he's sweet , funny and he sent me flowers ; I've never gotten flowers before. But we don't connect how me and The first guy do. We don't have a spiritual field surrounding our engagement .. And on top of all of that I was madly in love (not really but I liked him) with his friend , he was someone I admired for a while and we just couldn't communicate the way I'd hope. And I'm not going to be seen as "a get around" or tryna get back at him (the friend ) for some reason .. That's not a good look
I hate that life does this to me. It's not fair but I'll get through it . I won't tell guy #1 about what guy #2 did , though I'm tempted being I tell #1 everything ,literally . And I will just continue to be cool with #2 . After all I didn't ask for the flowers and just cause someone buys you things doesn't mean they love you .. At all . And I'm too smart to think that's the case.
Guy #1 makes me feel so alive and free and guy #2 just makes me laugh . That's not even equivalent. So I'm going to pray on it and ask God for some guidance . Ima need it .
Other than that I am having a fantastic day , I woke up to flowers , to breakfast and I took a shower and I feel so refreshed and I'm happy. So thank god for that ❤️.