When Shadows Fall | BTS Kim Namjoon

Chapter 7: "What Am I To You"

I walked into the school newspaper's office, making a beeline for my desk. It was good to be back to work and classes, but I was feeling scattered and distracted. Areum had called me last night crying about a fight she and my brother were having - their first serious fight. I couldn't do anything to fix their problems, but that didn't stop me from being distracted by the drama.

My boss had left a note for me - Your last article was a little long, and we had to cut it. Make sure the next one is within the word limit. You've got the human interest and the conference to write up and the classifieds to lay out. Oh, and hope you had a good Christmas.

I shook my head. I hated doing the classifieds. And I still felt a cringe come on when I thought about the conference. But I wasn't going to complain.

As my laptop booted up, I looked out the window. My eyes wandered the courtyard and came to rest on a familiar form settled on a bench. Creepface, looking at his cell phone.

It was almost scarier that he never looked at me. If he did, I'd know for sure that he was stalking me, but since he hadn't seemed to notice my existence, coincidence was possible.

I felt stupid for being so afraid of a man that had never stared or spoken to me. I also felt stupid for ignoring such a present threat.

My laptop chimed and I turned back to it and typed in the password. I resisted the temptation to look back outside to see if Creepface was still there and opened up my notes for the conference.

Trying to bury myself in the article, I pretended that the window didn't exist. When I got up to go to class, Creepface was gone. Surely it was nothing, just a coincidence. The police were right - I was imagining things.

I breathed in deeply and headed toward class.

*

"Chunhwa," Jisuk called when I walked into my apartment.

"Yes?" I swung my backpack onto the table.

My roommate laughed. "Don't sound too excited to see me," she said. "I want you to come listen to some of Bangtan Sonyeondan's songs."

"Why?" I asked, coming to sit next to her on the couch. "I have some things to do."

"You always have things to do. Classes just started, so the homework isn't too bad yet. I'm leaving you with no choice!" she said, and opened a new tab on her laptop.

"Fine," I said. Reaching over to grab a pillow, I had to admit that I was curious about what kind of music Namjoon made.

"This is their debut song," she said, beginning a video titled No More Dream.

"It's almost funny how hard they're trying to look all 'hip-hop' and gangsterish," I said as the video began.

"Pay attention to the lyrics," Jisuk hushed me.

So I did, and I was somewhat surprised. It wasn't exactly your normal boy band stuff; they were talking about dreams and goals, and challenging the preformed expectations of society.

"Well?" Jisuk asked when it was over.

"That's quite accusatory," I said. "In a good way."

Jisuk laughed. "Ready for 'I Need U'? This is maybe their breakthrough song - like 'Lie' for Big Bang."

"Fine," I said.

This song was a bit more of the typical boy band thing about love, yet not really. The lyrics were open and real. It was interesting to see Namjoon doing a little bit of acting in the music video. I was sure I'd heard the song before without realizing who it was by.

"Next Dope!" Jisuk said. "This was big for them too."

I watched the dance with amazement. "How does anyone do that? Especially Namjoon! He's so awkward!"

"They work hard, just like the lyrics say," Jisuk said.

"I see that," I retorted.

Jisuk smiled. "Do you want to be accused again?"

"Why? What more can they say?"

She grinned and looked in her own song files. "It's called Spine Breaker."

"Spine Breaker! What does that even mean?"

She hit the play button, and yes, this song was also a direct challenge to those people who lived off their parents and cared far too much about their own looks. "Okay, Jisuk. I really should get to work."

"Did the song strike a nerve?" she asked with a grin. "Think you're a spine breaker?"

"No, I just have some homework due in a couple of days," I said.

Jisuk looked at me. "One more?"

"I don't know-"

"Please, just one more?" she begged.

"Fine, one more song."

She smiled happily. "This is called 'What Am I To You.' It's an intro from one of the albums, and it's rapped solely by Kim Namjoon."

I listened to the lyrics, at first rolling my eyes at the cheesy lines but suddenly arrested when the tone changed. I knew exactly what he was talking about from my ex-boyfriend. "So please, don't look at me as if you're looking at a stranger" - I remembered finding my ex with another girl, and the lazy-eyed look he'd given me, as though I was nothing to him. What had I been to my ex? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Jisuk looked at my face when it was over. "What's wrong?"

"Just brings Butt-face the ex to mind. Don't worry about it. I really do need to get busy," I said, standing up. I headed to my room, struggling to keep my composure. What kind of music was this to affect me so strongly?

I sat down and looked at the wall. I really wanted to tell Kim Namjoon how much I appreciated that song.

Suddenly my gaze swung to my phone. I had his number.

Would it be too forward to text him?

No, not if it was just about a song, I reasoned.

Hi Namjoon, this is Chunhwa. I just listened to What Am I To You. That's a really powerful song. I bit my lip, then pressed send.

A few minutes later, he replied: Uh, thanks.

I hurried to explain myself. It's super relatable. I really like it, and I just wanted to let you know.

Thanks, he replied.

Ugh, I didn't know if I was bothering him or not. Sorry, I'll leave you alone now, I sent, and pulled out my textbooks fully expecting to receive no reply. But after a moment my phone buzzed.

No, that's fine. I'm glad you like it.

I smiled, and bent my head to my work. I'd have to listen to that song again.

***

Author's note: Sorry, this chapter is a little short, but I just wanted to let you guys know that I was back and I'm still working on this story. I'll update as often as my work/schoolwork allow me. Thank you so much to everyone who's been reading this story! 124 reads might not seem like a big deal to some, but it is to me. Thank you ^^