When Shadows Fall | BTS Kim Namjoon

Chapter 35: Box of Memories

I took a deep breath before pushing open the door. Jisuk had said this was a terrible idea, but I had talked to the university counselor and she hadn't vetoed the plan. I needed to do this – it was time.

As I entered the building, a rush of warm, fragrant air welcomed me. The next welcome I received was a standard businesslike one that gave way to, "Oh, Jeong Chunhwa?" and the sudden rush of a hug.

"How are you doing?" I asked, stepping back from Hajun's mother to look at her. She seemed the same, but I hadn't known her well.

"Oh, fine. Fine."

I nodded, knowing what that meant.

"Find a seat, I'll be with you in just a moment!" She bustled away, proficiently taking care of several things at once on her way to the kitchen, and I smiled. First-rate parents to raise a first-rate son.

As I took a seat, I looked around the room. It was more than half empty, which was not a surprise this late at night, but everyone who sat enjoying their food or waiting for it seemed to be happy with the atmosphere. There was a warmth to the small family restaurant unrelated to the physical temperature.

When Hajun's mother returned, Hajun's older brother Yejun trailed behind. They served food to the people waiting, then came over to my low table with a pot of steaming jjigae.

"Oh, I was only planning to order some tea," I said as Hajun's mother placed the bubbling bowl of stew in front of me. "I don't want to be a bother–"

"Only tea? I won't hear of it, you couldn't be a bother dear." Hajun's mother sank onto a cushion across from me with a stifled but weary sigh. "Do you mind if I sit for a second? We have a slow moment now."
"Please do," I said, picking up the spoon and carefully stirring the stew. "I'd be glad to have your company."

"Just like we're glad to see you," she said, nodding to Yejun as he moved off to the kitchen. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been quite well!" I said. "My classes have been going well and the newspaper office...." I trailed off, then with a tap of my spoon said, "It's not the same but things are going well there too. Overall things are good!"

Hajun's mother nodded, and I knew she could tell all that lay under the surface statements. She'd been making the same kind of statements herself day after day, I was sure. "Things have been going well here too. The restaurant is doing well and Yejun will be graduating from university this year!"

I murmured my congratulations. "I'm glad you're doing well."

She nodded, watching me. I took a sip of the broth, eyes fixed on the table. After I'd commented on how wonderful the stew was and the silence had thickened, she finally asked, "We're glad to see you, Chunhwa, but what brings you here?"

Setting down my spoon, I sighed and looked at her. "I... I came to say goodbye. To him. I knew there wasn't any better place... his memory couldn't be more alive anywhere but here, in this warm sunny place."

She gave a fragile smile, tears threatening, and then blinked them away. "Sunny, that was Hajun. He had such a vibrant personality, that boy. Infinite smiles." She laughed jaggedly. "Not that he was always happy, he could get upset so quickly! Especially on someone else's behalf. When he was oh, probably four or five, he got it in his head somehow that it wasn't fair for the dog – have you heard this before?"

I shook my head, smiling. I wouldn't have minded even repeat anecdotes about Hajun.

"Oh, he thought it was so sad for the dog to sleep on the floor when everyone else had a nice bed, and it took almost an hour to calm him down. He insisted on sleeping next to the dog that night, and the next morning when I went to wake him up he smiled for a few seconds, then remembered he was supposed to be mad at me and frowned so fiercely." She laughed, smoother this time. "Oh, what a child – everything he did was done with his whole self. So difficult, but so amazing." She sighed.