Victimized

Insanity

He leads me into his apartment again. I'm not staying long, but he thinks I've agreed to stay. "Are you sure your okay?" He asks. I nod. "I'm going to get a flashlight. To make sure you don't have a concussion or anything." He smiles and turns, but turns back for a second, "Stay here." I nod. He walks out and I go for the door immediately before stopping myself. He's gonna come right back in the room. I wait a second, and realize I don't hear moving. I jiggle the door handle and pull back, and there he is. I smile. He doesn't trust me. "Okay, fine sorry." He chuckles and goes off. I hear him walk away, and shove the door and run, shutting it behind me. I can't be with anyone right now... It's happening again. I just feel the overwhelming urge to hurt someone, and I can't control it. I run to my apartment, even though he knows where it is and I hear him behind me. I need to suppress this. I need to be alone. I shut and lock my apartment door, and get an idea. I hear running outside. Maybe if I just hurt myself then I won't feel the need to hurt anyone else. This feeling is so rare nowadays, since I'm not at the orphanage anymore. Rare enough that I could hide it from the psychiatrist. He saw lack of progress, but at least he didn't see a worse insanity. I grab my knife and take it to my other arm. I hear someone running down the hallway. Close to my door, and a muffled voice, seemingly saying "Which one was it?" I think it's Mark. He comes closer and I hear a tap at my door. "No!" I cry out. "Y/N... Come out, please! I can help!" I want to hit something. I push down with the knife, making a sizable, deep cut. I calm down. It really hurts, but I don't care. I am calmer, and I'm not going to hurt him. I sigh, still freaking out because he is outside. "Nobody can help me, Mark." A number haunts me. 98. I can't figure out what it means. I hear voices in my head, overlapping. "Stupid girl..." "Vermin!!" "If you falsify answers..." "Really?" "You are worthless!" "Let's calm down, Y/N." "Tell me what you see." "Shut up, child!" I can't think... I'm a bit dizzy. "Y/N come out! What is it?! What's wrong?!" I begin to cry. I whisper to myself, "What is wrong... What's wrong with me?" I sob, and he can hear me. "I'm worthless..." I whisper to myself. I remember what 98 is. It's the percentage of how insane I am, the lower the number the more normal and kind the person. I scored a 98 on the Boston hospitals maniac test, and they gave me a psychiatrist. I cry harder. I can't do this. Life, I mean. I'm not worth the air I waste with my breathing, not worth the apartment I take up, not worth the food and water spent keeping me alive. I'm not even worth the tiny amount of space that my body takes up. Not worth anyone's thought. "I'm just not worth it!!" I say just loud enough for Mark to hear. "That's nonsense, Y/N! You are worth every bit, and even more! You deserve a better life than this, even!" Is he crying? "Please don't give up." "Let me leave, Mark. Let me out of your way, you'll forget." I cry to him. His booming voice fills suddenly with determination. "You aren't going to give up, you aren't going to leave! Every life is worth it, and you only get one." "That's easy for you to say!" I snap back. I hear him break. He's crying, I can tell. "Come out here, Y/N! Or I'll break this door down!" My arm is bleeding quite clearly. I cry. I open the door for him. I feel bad, absolutely horrid. But if he's just going to break it down, I'll submit to whatever way he wants to punish me for leaving and locking him out. I slowly creak the door open. He grabs me, and I am so scared. He... Hugs me. He's crying, hugging me tightly, but carefully. "I.. I'm sorry. You have me." I say defeated. He whispers to me, "I'm so happy you're okay." I'm shocked that he isn't just really mad. He could do anything to me right now, anything he wants, and he's just hugging me? I cry more. "It's okay." "I'm so sorry." I fall a bit limp to him. He pulls me away a bit and looks at me. His eyes are full of fear and sadness. He realized what I mean. "I'm not going to hurt you! I never would." I am surprised. Most people I've known would hurt me if I did that. Even Dr. Devol (the psychiatrist) would electric shock me if I ran off and locked myself away from him somewhere. "I... I had to be alone." "It's okay, Y/N. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not mad, I was just worried." He then looks down at my arm and back at me. I put my head down. He grabs my chin lightly and pushes my head up. I'm still scared. The doctor said he wouldn't hurt me, too. He said he wasn't mad and that he wanted to talk. I cry. He hugs me again, and after about a minute he pulls away and grabs my shoulder. He tips my head up again and leads me back to his room. "Cmon, lets bandage this up." He peeks into my room, and stops. He blinks a bunch, and turns away and walks on. I pretend not to notice. He shakes his head as we walk back to his apartment. He's probably going to tie me to a post, or something. Maybe lock me in a room. We walk in and he shuts the door, still holding onto me. He's about to take me to his couch, but he sighs and leads me towards a different room. Yea, he's going to tie me up. His grip holds firm, and he takes me into some hall, and into a bathroom. He shuts the door mostly, and reaches into a cabinet. He lets go of me, but when I try to move past him he puts his arm out and in a split second he's grabbed my upper arm. He turns to look at me and he is really upset. His eyes are pained and he is worried sick. I step back and put my head down. He sighs, and lets go, turning back to the cabinet to grab the bandages. I look at the door again, and back at him. I sigh, and stay still. He turns back around with the bandages in his hand, and he gestures for my arm. I pull back, but then I look into his eyes. I give him my arm, and half-brace. He wraps it up and smiles at me. I smile back a bit, but not very well. He looks at me as if he wants to say something, but just grabs my shoulder and we walk back to his living room. When we get to the couch, he sits down and I follow suit. "I saw your apartment..." Mark points out. "I..." Words fail me. After a minute I figure it out, "It's okay, I'll sort it out. I'm getting a job, and I'll get more stuff once I can afford it." Mark sighs."Do you want to..." He stops before asking whatever this is. "Do I want to..?" I ask. "Do you wanna live here?" He finally asks. I want to say no, to not burden him. I just... Can't. I care for him too much to deny, he'll be crushed and I know he will look after me anyways, just easier on him this way. I want to say no, to get out of his life. I nod and mutter, "Yea... Thanks." To him. He smiles greatly, and hugs me lightly. I hug back, and go to get my stuff.

"Those who fight the evil inside get taken all the same, it's simply more shocking to those around when they do."

Yo, so this one was really long and I might have, like, specials or something that are 2000 words or something. That would be fun! Any ideas, comment them here, or anywhere else but I'll look mainly in these A/N's. So yea! Good-bye.