Kill All Your Friends (Frerard)

Standing Outside of Your Figurative Door

The day Gerard came home with the picture clutched in his hand, he was determined to get his family back together.

"Mother, father," he called out. They were both in the kitchen, which Gerard found surprising, but decided to be grateful.

They looked at him, waiting for him to explain. He took a deep breath before taking a step toward the counter and setting the picture down on it. His parents peered over at it.

"What's the meaning of this, Gerard?" His mother snapped.

"It wasn't your fault. You can talk to each other now! You can talk to me again!" He explained.

"Is that what this is about? You're looking for attention?!" His mother screamed. Gerard couldn't hold it in. He couldn't stand it anymore.

"Whenever you lose a child that way, you're supposed to take better care of the other!Not drive them to do the same!" He screamed. His mother raised her hand to hit him, but his father beat her to it by punching him in the face.

"Shut your face! Go to your room!" His father yelled. Gerard held his nose, blood pouring seeping through his fingers. He stood up, giving them a sad look.

"He was my brother, you know. We spent nearly every second together. I took care of him while you two were busy not paying us any attention. We talked about everything, but I was finally shown that it wasn't my fault," he spat out. They said nothing as he made his way back up to his room. As soon as he slammed his door shut, he heard things breaking and his parents practically screaming at each other. He sighed and walked into his bathroom and washed the blood off of his hand. After gently washing his nose, he concluded that it wasn't broken. It wouldn't be bruised either. The shock and fall hurt more than the actual hit itself.

He walked back into his room and sat in his bed. His home life had gotten worse ever since he screamed for his parents after finding his brother. The image would never leave. He grabbed his sketchbook and began to draw the image that would leave him alone.

-Possible trigger warning-

He started with the rope and the top of his brother's head. The memory was so fresh in his mind even though it happened almost 8 months since it happened. Next, he started with Mikey's facial expression. He could still see the dried tears staining his cheeks, his mouth hanging open, saliva dripping down to his shirt. His eyes were wide open and bloodshot. His head was leaning to one side, facing the direction of the door, the pain and shock still evident on his face. His body slumped and slightly swinging, and, at his feet, a small stool knocked over.
---


By the time Gerard was done drawing his brother, he was crying himself; his tears staining his drawing as they did every time. He looked over at Mikey's bed as he laid down on his own. He imagined their last conversations.

"Hey, Gee?" He heard his brother's small voice reach him just before he drifted off to sleep. He forced himself to turn around in his bed to face his brother.

"Yeah?" He watched his brother smile at him, causing him to smile in return. His younger brother was always smiling. It was contagious.

"I'm in love." Gerard stared at him in shock.

"What? Really? Who's the lucky girl?" He could have sworn he saw him frown, but his brother was still smiling.

"Not telling!" Mikey sang out. "But I'm going to ask 'em out tomorrow!" He exclaimed excitedly. Gerard chuckled.

"I'm more than positive she'll say yes!" He said as he looked over at his brother. Mikey still had a smile on his face, but it looked bittersweet, Gerard thought.

He wished his brother luck just as he drifted off to sleep.

The next day, he asked Mikey about it.

"So what did she say?"

"Oh, it was a no, but I'll keep trying!" Mikey cheered. The rest of the walk was in silence until they spotted Ray and Bo. Gerard was about to call over to their longtime friends until they saw Ray lean in and kiss Bob. Shocked, Gerard pulled Mikey to keep walking. They never spoke of what they say and the rest of the night went normally with Mikey making jokes funny enough to make Gerard almost pee his pants.

Later that night, he felt Mikey slip under the blankets next to him and hug him tightly.

"I love you, Gerard. You're the best brother and friend ever," his younger brother whispered to him. Gerard smiled and hugged him close.

"I love you, too, Mikey. You're my best friend and nothing will change that." They fell asleep hugging.

That was their last night together. Gerard, at first, thought it was the girl he was talking to, but she wasn't in their school after he'd done a lot of searching. He eventually gave up when it became clear he wasn't going to find her and it wouldn't matter if he did. He doubted it was her fault anyway. It wasn't anyone's. Frank had showed him that.

Frank. Although he was still weary of him, he was thankful of all his efforts. Most people would've given up a long time ago, which he understood was his fault. He pushed away all of his friends just so he could be alone. Just in case one of them decided to leave him, so it wouldn't hurt. He didn't want to hurt like that again.

And even though Frank had hurt him, it was for his own good, so he wouldn't hurt like that in the future.

Before Gerard knew it, it was already the next day. He'd had trouble sleeping without his brother next to him since he left. He spent all of his time at night finishing homework, studying even (despite his failing grades, he was very smart. He just had no more motivation), reading whatever books he could find, and watching movies. He avoided drawing because night was when he saw Mikey the most.

He woke up around 4:30 in afternoon, unaware that he'd even fallen asleep and disappointed he'd missed the movie.

He decided to go for a walk, just to not think and go wherever his feet took him. They ended up taking him to the park.

And that's when he saw Frank.

He was swinging lightly on the swing, staring up at the sky.

"Frank?" He said as he came closer. The look on the younger man's face caused Gerard to feel a little guilty about missing school.

But not as guilty as he felt about clinging to the front of Frank's shirt for comfort. Gerard realized right then that Frank was his friend.

But he'd never say it out loud, or Frank could leave him, too.