Kill All Your Friends (Frerard)

How It's Going to Be

The next day, Saturday, Frank messaged Ray on social media asking him to meet him at the little café on Main Street. Much to his surprise, he agreed, saying he needed to talk to him as well. The two met an hour later, both visibly nervous. They ordered drinks and sat down at the very back of the place in a booth.

"So, Ray," Frank started suddenly, causing Ray to almost jump.

"Frank," he responded, taking a sip of his Dr. Pepper. Nodding, Frank pulled out his phone and scrolled through his phone until he came to the picture Gerard sent him last night, the one of Ray and Mikey, and slid his phone over to him.

"He loved you, didn't he?" Frank asked as Ray studied the picture. Hesitantly, he nodded, agreeing with Frank's statement.

"Yeah, he did," he said miserably, his face contorting in pain. He pushed Frank's phone back to him, refusing to see Mikey's face.

"What happened, Ray?" He asked. After a few moments of silence, Ray sighed.

"It was my fault, Frank. It was all my fault," his voice wavered. Frank stayed silent, waiting for him to elaborate more on his statement.

"Mikey told me he was in love with me a little over a year ago. I just couldn't see him that way, so I just continued treating him the same way. He was determined to just stay friends with me, I could tell. But, after a few months, he told me that he couldn't do it. That his feelings had become too strong," he paused, taking a deep unsteady breath, "I told him my feelings hadn't changed, that he would only ever be a brother to me. The look on his face, Frank. Oh, God, the face I made him make still tears me up. I hate seeing his face, because that's all I ever see! Just that expression," he sobbed as quietly as he could. It was a tough sight to see for Frank, because he understood all too well about holding the blame of someone's death on his shoulders.

"Why do you think it's your fault, Ray?" Frank asked, cautiously.

"The night he... he did it, he sent me a message saying, "I saw you and Bob kissing, but I will still love you until I die," and I didn't answer! Maybe I could have saved him if I had, maybe I could've talked him into getting help, and maybe I could've done something to save his life and Gerard's. But Gerard is destroyed and Mikey is gone. I don't even deserve to be here. He was one of my best friends and... and I did love him, Frank. I loved him so much, but I was scared of coming out. I was scared of what Gerard would do if he found out I wanted to be with his brother. I was scared he wouldn't accept me for him. Because of my fucking fear, Mikey is gone."

"Ray. You need to tell Gerard." Ray shook his head almost violently at the mere thought of sitting in front of Gerard, like he was with Frank, and saying everything he just said to Frank to Gerard.

"I-I can't!" Frank sighed.

"Why did you decide to tell me?" He asked Ray.

"You were going to find out soon enough. You're a smart kid. You see things others don't," he explained, taking a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart and nerves.

"Ray, because I know and I'm helping Gerard, I need you tell him," Frank started, pushing his hair out of his face, "I won't be able to hide it from him and I don't want to. I understand how terrifying it is, okay? But this is his brother. He deserves to know." After a moment, Ray reluctantly nodded.

"He knows I know something, so I'm going to give him the run down on things. I'll tell him that I'll set up a time to meet you. I'm not going to come along, but I'll be near just in case Gerard tries to do something. He wouldn't hurt you, don't worry. I'm talking about himself." Ray nodded again. Frank took out a pen and wrote down his number on a napkin, and slid it over to Ray before getting up and leaving. Ray stared down at Frank's number in his hands and silently cursed himself for not being more open with Mikey. He folded the napkin and put it in his wallet before, too, taking his leave. On his way home, Ray thought about the sixteen year old male. He thought about how smart he was and how he had his own way of letting information slip from you. Well, he'd be a good detective, he thought to himself.

Frank, making his own way home, suddenly felt his phone vibrating against his leg. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the caller ID. Gerard. It's as if he knows, he thought. He answered the call.

"Hey, what's up, Gerard?" He said cheerfully.

"I was wondering if you, you know, figured anything out?" Gerard asked hesitantly. That wasn't the only reason he called Frank, he admitted to himself, he was starting to miss the younger man's presence. He'd become accustomed to it and it wasn't a bad thing, he noted.

"Um, is it all right if we get together?" He said, turning in the direction of Gerard's house. It wasn't too far and he was pleased about that, but also felt like he didn't even need to be driving. He thought about parking the car in his own driveway and walking to Gerard's, but then decided against it because he'd just passed his own home.

"Sure. My parents aren't home, if you'd like to come this way. If not, then I can head over there. Whatever you want." Frank hummed.

"I'm almost there. I was already on the road, so I'm pulling up right now." After hearing Gerard's mumbled 'okay,' he hung up and parked on the side of road, not wanting to risk Gerard's parent's coming home and not having room to park their own cars. He shut the car off and climbed out of the driver's seat. He stared up at Gerard's house and suddenly felt himself become nervous with the information he was about to share with the troubled man. Suddenly Gerard pulled the door open and gave him a confused look, wondering why Frank was just standing there and staring.

"Frank? You coming in?" He asked. Frank snapped back into reality and smiled at him, nodding his head and running up the doorway to embrace Gerard. Before, Gerard probably would've pushed him off and slammed the door in his face, but now he eagerly returned the hug, smiling big into the fabric of Frank's jacket. After all, Frank never left his side and he and his family have done everything a real family should. Frank really was like a brother to him.

"Before I lose this burst of courage, Gerard, I need you to sit down and not say a word when I'm telling you what I'm about to tell you," Frank said as he closed the front door and locked it. Gerard suddenly felt his stomach churn and his throat nearly close. He was nervous and terrified for what Frank wanted to say that was causing him to have such a serious expression. He took a seat on the couch, his hands playing with each other, as he stared up at Frank, who took a seat on the coffee table in front of him.

"Okay, Gerard. I just got back from meeting up with Ray, and, there, he told me what he knew," Frank paused, letting the information sink in to the man in front of him, "He knows a lot. I convinced him to share it with you himself, but only whenever he was ready because it's big. I gave him my number and whenever I get a call or message from him, I'll take you to him."

"What does he know, Frank?" Gerard asked through his teeth. Frank reached over and took Gerard's hands in his, clutching them tightly.

"I promise you that it will make you feel closure and give you almost a sense of relief within time, but that's all I can tell you," he assured the older man. Gerard nodded, even if he wanted to beat the information out of Frank. He trusted Frank and knew he wouldn't do anything to hurt him, so he decided to wait.

"I trust you, Frank. Let's go do something, so I don't think about it," He suggested. Frank gave him a smile, feeling a little sad because he hoped to let Gerard know how he was feeling, but he shook the feeling away. Gerard was more important.

"Wanna go for some ice cream?" Frank asked him as they headed out to his car.

"What are we? Kids?" Gerard questioned as Frank started the car.

"Precisely. You're never too old for ice cream. It makes the world go 'round," he said, smiling at the older man who returned it, slightly shaking his head at Frank. After some debate, they decided to roll the windows down and let the air in rather than putting the cool air on. Gerard looked over at Frank, who was focusing on the road, and watched as the wind whipped his hair around his face. He smiled whenever he saw Frank's lips curl into a slightly pout before puffing air out to get his hair out of his eyes. He studied the way the sun shined off of his eyes whenever it finally came out from behind the gloomy looking clouds. He studied his sharp jawline, which was casting a shadow over his collarbone. Frank looked like a young man who had been through a lot and came out on top. Maybe it was the way he had dark circles under his eyes, yet still bounced off the walls. Maybe it was the way he'd let his gaze slip off into the distance for a few seconds with his smile slipping away, but then quickly returning it to his face. Maybe it was the way he understood and listened even though it brought up his own demons. Maybe it was the way he always came to Gerard's rescue even though it hurt him, that Gerard felt as if a flower was blooming in his chest.

'I don't think it's brotherly,' he thought, and he found he wasn't scared. Not in the least. Nothing about the man sitting next to him could really scare him. Frank turned to look at him as they came to stop at a sign and smiled at him.

"What is it?" He asked. Gerard shook his head at him, smiling back.

"I was just thinking," he answered. Frank nodded, and then turned up the music to the sound of oldies on the radio, exclaiming that oldies were goodies. Gerard laughed and looked out in front of them, noticing they were coming to a stop in front of a bakery that also sold ice cream.

"Get whatever you want, Gerard. I'm paying," Frank said before practically jumping out of the car and running to the door. Gerard got out himself, grinning at Frank's behavior. He was suddenly hit with a wave of relief. Had Frank not come to school earlier that one day, he never would've met him and he probably would've been dead. He didn't want to live in a world without his brother, but maybe Frank had become his reason for living. Maybe Frank gave him hope, and he was relieved. He sighed softly, walking inside the shop. He walked up to the counter next to Frank and watched as he rambled on and on to the cashier, who looked weirded out, about how important ice cream was.

"Frank, you're scaring the poor boy. What are you getting?" He asked the shorter man as he put his hand on the middle of his back. He felt Frank tense slightly before relaxing into his hand and smiling up at him.

"Hmm," he hummed as he thought. "Cookies and cream, please. Oh, also, put as much ice cream as you can, but, like, for the same price," he laughed. This caused the cashier to chuckle and nod his head in approval.

"I'll take the same. With the same instructions, please," Gerard said soon after. After Frank paid, they chose a table toward the front of the shop.

"Maybe before we leave, we should take some sweets home for the family," Frank suggested.

"Yours?" Gerard asked. He was slightly confused by Frank's choice of words. Frank nodded.

"Yeah. Ours," he smiled. Gerard felt the flower in his chest being watered as Frank's words sunk in and he understood what he meant. He smiled at Frank, grateful that he found Gerard.

"I think your mom would love those sweet tarts right over there," Gerard said as he pointed to the corner of the show glass case where they were currently sitting. Frank turned and looked at them.

"Oh, those look so good! What do you think John would like?" He asked, turning back to face Gerard, who shrugged his shoulders.

"Is it rude if I say he would love anything from this shop?" He asked Frank.

"No, you're right. I love how you know them so well. Maybe whenever Helena gets older, you can make guesses on what she'd want." Gerard hummed an agreement and immediately perked up at the sight of the cashier coming with two huge bowls of ice cream.

"Here you guys go. Enjoy," the young boy said. They both said their thanks, and he took his leave after letting his eyes linger on Frank for a moment.

"Oh, my God. Frank, that guy was checking you out," Gerard chuckled. Frank looked over his shoulder at the boy who was flustered to be caught staring by him. Frank gave a smile before turning back to Gerard.

"Yeah, it appears that way. Anyways, what were you doing today?" He asked Gerard, avoiding the topic.

"I was actually studying. I gave some thought to what you told me and I decided to try my best taking the exams this upcoming week," he explained as he put a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. The way Frank's eyes lit up, made him smile.

"Seriously? Gerard! That's awesome!" He exclaimed.

"I hope I can do it this time," Gerard mumbled.

"I know you can do it. I can help you study, if you'd like?" Frank offered.

"The only thing I really need help with is history. I'm terrible at it for some reason. Dates can never stick, you know?" Frank nodded.

"I love history. I'll help you. The exam is, like, what, Thursday, right?" Gerard nodded, eating another spoonful. Frank mirrored his movements, doing the same. Frank moaned as he swallowed the ice cream.

"Man, ice cream can end wars. Maybe I should run for President and see if I can make that happen," Frank sighed happily. Gerard laughed.

"As long as you let me stay in the White House, then I'm all for that idea," he retorted. This caused Frank to giggle, his eyes practically gleaming at Gerard.

"Dude! We could totally go exploring late at night to see if we can find hidden tunnels or some shit. Oh, my God, it'll be like National Treasure: Book of Secrets!" Frank exclaimed, slightly bouncing in his seat excitedly.

"That sounds like my kind of night," Gerard answered, eating another spoonful of ice cream as he watched Frank mix his around. "What are you doing?" He asked the younger male. Frank looked up at him with an almost surprised expression before smiling up softly at him.

"Oh, um, whenever my dad and I ate ice cream, he would always mix it up for me a little bit to make it creamier, because that's the way I loved it. You know, when it pretty much melts in your mouth but has some texture to it? Yeah, like that. I guess it's just become habit. It takes me back to the good days," Frank rambled on. Gerard was okay with that. He loved whenever Frank talked about himself because he never really did that. Any insight on Frank's life he could get, he would definitely take.

"Yeah? Was it something you'd do often?" Gerard asked, trying to seem nonchalant but like he was also genuinely curious, because he didn't want Frank to suddenly think that talking about himself was in any way not allowed.

"It was a reward whenever I got straight A's or did something else exceptionally well, so I always kept my grades up," Frank answered, chuckling and thinking back to his father's proud face. Gerard thought about his words for a moment before thinking about how much he sees Frank working hard on his homework and studying, and even staying after school sometimes to ask questions about something he doesn't understand. Those times, Gerard would wait at the tree Frank knows he'd be at, just drawing or reading or thinking. Gerard realizes that Frank still does well on his schoolwork so his father would be proud. Such a thought makes Gerard feel terribly miserable, but he keeps his smile on his face. He can't say he knows exactly what Frank feels like, but he understands it. Sometimes he forgets Mikey's gone and he'll walk into their room asking a question and only realize it when he sees his brother's things untouched and as the way he left them all those months ago.

"Well, then here's to your future straight A's," he says, holding up another spoonful of his ice cream to Frank. Frank does the same with his melted treat and they clink spoons, some of Frank's melted ice cream spilling on the table.

"Yeah, I knew that was gonna happen," Gerard said, staring down at the melted liquid wearing an amused look on his face.

"Since you let it happen, you have to clean it up."

"What? Why can't you do it?" Gerard asked. Frank snickered.

"Because you let it happen."

"Yeah, but it's your ice cream!"

"So? I didn't know it was gonna spill, but you did and still let it happen," Frank explained. Gerard huffed, crossing his arms.

"And?"

"And so it's your fault." Giving up, Gerard grabs a napkin and tries to quickly wipe it up, but only manages to smear it into a bigger mess, causing Frank to laugh evilly.

"Oh, bite me," Gerard insults. Frank laughs out loud this time.

"Kinky," he retorts, causing Gerard to blush and fail at hiding his grin. This initiates Frank to laugh more. Gerard feels the flower in his chest resting in the sunlight, growing stronger. He would be perfectly fine with going out to eat ice cream with Frank every day. He would be perfectly fine with seeing him every day and just reading the same old books and forgetting about the new ones they couldn't wait to buy. He'd be perfectly fine with watching movies with him and making stupid jokes or small talk during the feature. He'd be perfectly fine with hearing Frank singing along to those oldies but goodies songs while going on a night drive with the wind blowing through their hair. He'd be perfectly fine with all of that, as long as it were Frank he was doing it with. It'd been a few months since Frank had barged into his life and he was just barely realizing this all right now.

He liked Frank, and he felt fine.

A part of him felt kind of guilty that he was actually happy and content with his life, because he shouldn't be. Not without Mikey, but he was. He quickly assured himself that his brother would want him to be happy. Frank had helped him to think that way. He'd always told Gerard that if he ever felt guilty because of that reason or wanted to not achieve great things because of Mikey, he always asked him if that's what his brother would want of him. It wasn't. Mikey was always encouraging him to do things he wanted to, but didn't have the confidence to do. Mikey was his wall, but he slowly found that Frank was finding his way into that spot, and he still knew Mikey would be okay with that. Gerard knew he wouldn't feel replaced by Frank, because no one could replace his brother. Mikey would always be the number one person in his life, even if he wasn't alive anymore.

"Ready to leave?" Frank asked. Gerard smiled at him, nodding and getting up from his seat. He waited until Frank pushed his seat in and then watched as he went to the counter to buy the sweets for their family. The same cashier seemed ecstatic at the fact that Frank even looked at him again and Gerard felt a slight sink in his chest. He watched as Frank pulled out his wallet and went to get a few dollar bills out, but the young boy shook his head and pushed the huge bag, overfilled, towards him. Words were exchanged and gestures were made, until, finally, Frank came back with the bag, holding it up to Gerard and smiling as if he'd won the lottery.

"Did he give that to you?" Gerard asked as they walked out of the shop.

"Yeah. It was really nice of him," Frank answered, making his way toward the driver's side of his car.

"Yeah," Gerard agreed, still feeling that sinking feeling in his chest.

"He asked for my number," Frank said once they were settled in the car and he was starting it.

"You gave it to him?" Gerard asked, almost in disbelief. Frank nodded.

"Yes. I couldn't say no. He looked so hopeful, I just couldn't tell him I wasn't interested," he sighed.

"That's leading him on." Frank tilted his head as he took off.

"If I get a call or message, I'll pretty much just tell him that I'm not looking for a relationship right now." Gerard didn't know if he should feel relieved that Frank had no intention of dating that boy or disappointed that he had no intention of dating anyone, but he decided not to dwell. They made their way to Frank's house, munching on some of the sweets they got. Content.