Kill All Your Friends (Frerard)

Tear the Skin Right Off Our Bones

"Honey, I'm home!" Frank's mom sand as she walked through the front door, John trailing behind her holding Helena in his arms. Gerard smiled at her happiness, instantly finding his own motivation to perk up. He found that Frank and his family did that often. They were his version of a picture-perfect family, because they weren't perfect and never tried to be.

"Hey, mama! Gerard's here," Frank called out.

"Did you have to bribe him with my cooking?" She asked, smiling down at them as she leaned over the couch. John took this moment to taking a sleeping Helena up to their room to sleep. Frank smiled almost sadly at the perfect picture John and Helena made. The smile on his face made Frank wonder if his father ever looked at him like that. It made him question so many things, and he wanted answers he knew he was never going to find in that damned book. Frank quickly shook those thoughts away and turned back to his mother, who gave him a knowing a smile.

"I'd never be able to turn down your cooking, Linda," Gerard smiled.

"Aw, how sweet of you, Gerard. Well, I'm going to get started on making it. I'll call you boys when it's ready," she sang as she made her way into the kitchen. Frank and Gerard looked at one another and smiled.

"She's happy," Gerard observed. Frank's smile turned a bit gloomy, but his eyes were still bright.

"She deserves it. More than anyone," he answered. Gerard put his hand on the shorter male's shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. "Do you ever just want to move on, Gerard?" He asked after a moment's silence. Gerard raised a brow.

"What do you mean?" He finally asked when he realized Frank wasn't going to say any more.

"Like, just let it fade? Just lay down and sleep and when you wake up, everything is okay all over again?" Frank asked. Even though Frank was really saying this to himself, Gerard still decided to answer.

"I don't want to forget about Mikey."

"No, I said nothing about forgetting. I said fading. Meaning, it's never completely gone, but isn't as dark as it was before. I think everybody has something in their life that they'd like to change. It's pretty much human nature." Gerard didn't know what to say to this, because it was true. He wished he could just go to sleep and Mikey would be alive when he woke up or he'd open his eyes to the darkness of the room and the warmth of his brother at his side. Gerard searched Frank's eyes, and although they looked as they always had, they seemed duller. It seemed as though as Gerard was getting better, Frank's demons were beginning to attack the wall he'd built around this childhood and it was getting to the younger male.

"Frank, are you okay?" Gerard finally asked. Frank seemed to snap out of some certain trance and smile as bright as he normally did, but it seemed forced.

"Of course! I'm almost done with my homework. Do you have any?" He asked Gerard, instantly changing the subject.

"Yeah, but I'll get it done tonight," he answered.

"Um, Ray and Bob mentioned that you were really smart. Almost Valedictorian. Is that true?" He asked him. Gerard thought for a moment.

"Yeah. Um, last test, my GPA was a solid 4.0. I was second in my class at the time, but by the time I was going to take the next test to place us, I was striving for first place. Then Mikey died and I lost motivation," he explained. Frank nodded his head along, listening intently to the words that left his mouth.

"What kind of career do you want to pursue?" He asked another question.

"Well, I've honestly always thought being a police officer was cool, but then I realized I'd have to see people in a not to alive situation and I realized I couldn't do it. So, as of right now, I'm not exactly sure." He was confused as to why Frank was suddenly asking him questions about the future, but if Frank was distracted from his own thoughts, then he would take it. It was the least he could do for him.

"I think you should go for art. You're always drawing and it can be a type of outlet," Frank said. "And the next test is coming up. I, um, I really think you should try for number one again."

"Why?" Gerard asked.

"Because you're so smart," Frank answered.

"Not smart enough to figure out why Mikey did it," he sighed. Frank was silent for a moment before speaking again.

"Do you have his phone on you? Mikey's?" Gerard nodded and dug into his backpack. He handed it to Frank after finding it among all the books in his bag. Frank turned the device on and set it down on the table, finding that time to be perfect to search his mind for the last time he was in Gerard's room. He'd always been very good at remembering things vividly. Even if he wasn't directly looking in that certain direction, he could search his memories and find the answer eventually. It was the reason he was so good at math and solving mysteries in TV shows or half way through his mystery book. He had a good memory and he was proud of it. He searched his mind, finding himself laying back down in Gerard's bed while he slept. He moved his eyes about the room and focused in on Mikey's side. He remembered seeing picture frames, all of them holding Mikey. One frame held Mikey and Bob, standing closely and smiling at one another as they gave each other a fist bump. Mikey seemed to be happy and enjoying himself. He moved over to the next one; a picture of him and Gerard. They stood close to one another, both of Gerard's arms wrapped around Mikey's shoulders and one of his legs wrapped around the skinnier male's waist. Frank smiled. Gerard looked happy.

Next was the last picture. Closer to his bed, Frank noticed. A picture of him and Ray. They were close, but not as close as the other two. They were both smiling and looking at one another. Although Mikey's smile had been evident in the other pictures, it seemed brighter in this one. His eyes held a different emotion from the other two. With Bob, it was content. It was being okay with where he was. With Gerard, it happiness. It was being satisfied with who he grew up with. But with Ray, he noticed, it was something deeper.

Then it clicked.

It was love.

Frank snapped out of this thoughts, trying to calmly pick up Mikey's phone. He searched through his pictures, trying to keep his eyes off of Gerard. Frank felt like he knew he knew, even though that were impossible. He scrolled through hundreds of pictures of Mikey with his friends. Even group pictures. Every time, Mikey was right next to Ray, his arm over his shoulder and holding a smile so bright that Frank couldn't believe he killed himself. Should he tell him? He handed the phone back to Gerard, the other one giving him a look of confusion at his behavior.

"Did you find something out?" He asked Frank. He thought for a moment. He'd have to talk to Ray first.

"No, I don't think so. Let me think about it more tonight and I'll let you know," he explained. He was prepared for Gerard to hound him with questions or even yell at him to spill what he knew, but all Gerard did was nod and get up to his feet as Frank's mother called him for dinner. Gerard held his hand out to Frank and helped him up. He could understand Frank not telling him anything right away, because he trusted him. He knew Frank didn't want to get his hopes up in case what he found didn't mean anything. Even though he felt like shaking Frank until he told him, he refrained from doing so.

"I'm sorry, Gerard," Frank mumbled as they were walking into the kitchen.

"For what?" Gerard asked. Frank shrugged his shoulders, saying nothing more as they sat at the table. The rest of the family sat down at the table and smiled brightly at one another.

"How was school, boys?" John asked. Gerard and Frank gave each other a knowing smile.

"Nothing to write home about," they said in unison, causing Frank's mom and John to laugh. They ate their dinner, making small talk, joking around, and laughing when Frank talked with his mouth full. After dinner, Frank drove Gerard home. They sat in his driveway in silence for a moment before Frank spoke.

"Do me a favor, Gerard?" Frank asked, turning his head to look at him.

"What is it?" Gerard asked. Frank seemed to hesitate for a moment before finally finding his words.

"There are pictures on a bedside table on Mikey's side. Can you take a picture of those photos and send them to me?"

"How do you know about those?" Gerard asked, clearly baffled. Frank gave a small smile.

"I have a really good memory. It came with my dad," he explained. "He was a detective. I don't really like to remember that, so I don't really think about it. But he was good at his job, and taught me a few things before he left. Just send me those here in a bit, yeah?" Gerard nodded, wanting to ask more questions, but stopped himself. If Frank found something, he would tell him. He knew Frank would. So he only nodded and got out of the car.

Frank lay in bed that night, staring at his ceiling. Gerard sent him the pictures and he was right. It was love. He definitely needed to talk to Ray. As his mind was trying to piece everything together, he fell asleep and another part of his wall had cracked open.

Frank was falling.

Gerard was sitting down in his desk, finishing his homework. He looked at his calendar and realized the next school placement test was next week. Maybe he should take it seriously this time and try for number one. Mikey always said that he needed to use that brain he had in his big head, making him laugh softly to himself.

"Why did you do it, Michael?" He asked to no one in particular.