Kill All Your Friends (Frerard)

Our Lady of Sorrows

For the next few days, Gerard didn't hear from Frank. He missed school on Friday, and, by the end of the weekend, he was still checking his phone to find no missed calls or messages.

He stared at Frank's contact for a few moments. Should I call him? He asked himself. Sighing, he put his phone down next to him on his bed and opened the current book his was reading. Infinite Jest. Half an hour into reading, he closed the book and turned on his side, facing Mikey's bed. How could he find his brother's reason? He sat up with a start.

"His phone!" He breathed out.

Frank stood in front of his father's study, staring blankly at the old wooden pattern. He hadn't set foot in there, and he hadn't planned on it. But with Gerard talking about his curiosity, it brought up his own which he'd kept to the back of his mind. He, too, wanted to know why his father really did it. His mother was still in the hospital so, naturally, John was there as well. For now, it was just Frank, his thoughs, and his father's thoughts. He hesitantly placed his hand on the knob and turned it, pushing the door open. The scent of his father came rushing at him and his mind raced back to when his father would sit him in his lap and read him a book using silly voices. He shook his head and pushed the memory away as he stepped in further.

Gerard sat at his computer desk, reading another novel he was currently invested in. Atlas Shrugged, a masterpiece. He found himself interested in the author's writing. It was difficult to deciper what was happening, but Gerard's mind put the puzzle together as he went along. Puzzles was something he used to live for, but after his brother became one, he wanted nothing to do with them. He set his book dow, after finishing it and looked at his dresser. Before he knew it, he was staring at Mikey's phone in his hand. Maybe he could peek just a little? He held the power button then set it down as the screen lit up. His heart pounded in his chest as he tried to focus on anything but that phone.

Frank, without hesitation, went through everything in his father's study. He only had his safe left. He remembered his father sharing the code with him. It spelled out Frank's name. 3-7-2-6-5. It clicked and he swung it open, a worn out journal being its only contents. He quickly snatched it up, storming out of his father's study, seething. He didn't know what angered him more, the fact that he'd found something or the fact that he thought he wouldn't. A part of him was hoping he never found out why; he would have preferred to never know, but now that he was holding his father's thoughts, he had to know. He needed to know if he still loved him when he raised the gun to his head and if, maybe, he might have been sorry he had the strength to pull the trigger.

He climbed into his bed and hugged the journal to his chest. No matter how angry he was with the man, it'd never stop him from missing him. They always spent the weekend together. All of them. That last weekend, he was normal. Like nothing was wrong.

What an asshole, Frank thought as he held the journal tighter. He glanced at his phone and decided it was time to charge it. Letting his phone be dead for this long was wrong. Gerard may have needed him and he would've broken his promise. He got up and plugged his phone in.

Gerard stared at Mikey's wallpaper, and he felt himself lose his breath. He messily wiped at his tears, only managing to wipe the salty liquid around his nose and mouth. It was him and Mikey hugging closely as Gerard held up the phone to snap the picture. He remembered that day. He took Mikey out into town and bought him ice cream after watching a movie his younger brother had been begging to see since he saw the preview. He watched that movie every now and then when he wanted himself to hurt. He sighed softly as he clicked on the messages. There were none. All erased. He looked at his pictures. Only ones of their group of friends. He looked in his contacts. All erase, too. Mikey had planned it all out, Gerard thought. He looked through everything... except his mobile notepad. Maybe he'd find something there. He clicked on it and there was one note. Dated February 14th. The day he killed himself. Gerard's hand shook and his mind bottled with the want to know and the anger of wanting to forget about him. But Mikey is his brother and he will always love him no matter what has happened. He opened the note. There were the words his brother typed. The last words he felt someone needed to know.

"I never thought it would hurt this much."

His brother was in so much pain, but why? What caused it? Who caused it? Maybe he'll really never know. He couldn't even hurt properly for Mikey. He was a terrible brother. He couldn't even be trusted by his own brother.

Frank slowly opened up the journal. It was only half filled, but he noticed some pages were ripped out. He decided to read the first entry.

January 1st, 2005

The year he killed himself, Frank thought. He continued reading on.

"My wife and son are smiling as they watch the fireworks in the night sky. I begin to smile before I realize something... I'm no longer happy."

Frank quickly shut the journal and slammed it against the wall causing a loud slap to echo in his silent room.

"Fuck you!" He yelled. "We were happy with you!" All of it. His entire life was wrong. He was never the source of happiness for his father. Frank hated himself. He needed to drown the pain away. He stormed into the kitchen and broke the glass to John's liquor cabinet. He grabbed the oddly shaped bottle of clear liquid and quickly pulled the top off, taking a huge gulp. His throat burned and he felt it would come back up any second. But he willed it to stay down, and it did. As he was about to take his second drink, he heard his phone ringing from his room. It was the ringtone he set for Gerard so he knew when he needed to answer. He quickly put the bottle down and ran up to his room. He took his phone off the charger and answered his call.

"Hello?"

"F-Frank? Can I come over? I just," Gerard let out a soft sob, "need to get away from here." Frank walk back down to the kitchen and looked at the mess he created amd realized what he'd just done. His father was going to be the death of him, and he was determined to let him. But Gerard needed him, and he needed Gerard.

"Yeah, of course. Did you need me to pick you up?" He asked as he started cleaning up the broken glass.

"No. Um, I'm actually on my way already. I'm down the street. Sorry." Frank smiled to himself.

"Never be sorry for that. You're always welcome at my home." Even though Frank couldn't see it, he knew Gerard was smiling.

"Thank you," Gerard whispered.

"Of course," he replied. Just then, there came a knock upon the door. He heard the sound echo from Gerard's side of the line and quickly answered the door. There stood Gerard with a loose, worn out collared gray shirt covered with a leather jacket. His tight black brought out how shapely his legs had become. His pale complexion brought out his blood red hair more than it would on any other person. But none of that was Frank's main focus. It was his hazel green eyes, looking at him like he could save him. And maybe Frank really could save him.

"Hey," Frank breathed as he put his phone up. Gerard gave a shy smile as he did the same thing.

"Hi." Frank stepped aside to let him in. Before he could ask Gerard what was wrong, the taller male embraced him tightly, breathing in his scent. Although Gerard wouldn't admit it aloud, he knew Frank understood what he was saying with his hug.

He missed Frank.

They stood embracing for a moment before finally pulling away.

"What do you feel like doing today?" Frank asked him as they made their way up to his room.

"I'm feeling a little Godfather-y. How about you?" Gerard asked, peering over at Frank with a little smirked. Frank almost giggled.

"Sounds like a plan!" He exclaimed. He was definitely way too excited, but he couldn't help himself. Something about being with Gerard made him feel giddy. He watched as Gerard scanned his movie collection with a face of concentration before seeing his eyes light up in joy when finding the movie. He wished those eyes never dimmed with inner sorrow. He wished they would stay happy. He wondered if he could make them fill with life one day. He wondered if he could have that type of influence on Gerard. That's when he came to a conclusion of all his clustered thoughts.
He was attracted to Gerard Way.

But his heart clenched because he knew it wasn't for the right reasons. Frank knew the more time he spent focused on Gerard's problems and helping him, he could forget his own. As he'd stated before, Gerard was a sad story and Frank was determined to give him a happy ending.

Yes, he liked Gerard, but it was wrong.