Kill All Your Friends (Frerard)

Skylines and Turnstiles

For the next week, Gerard locked himself in his room. He didn't attend school, but never missed an assignment due to his teachers e-mailing him the work. He didn't eat as much, making him very weak, but he managed to keep an energy bar down so far. He slept most of the day away, not wanting to deal with reality, but he always managed to read a book or two. Frank had tried to contact him once, but Gerard deleted the message without a second glance or thought. He hated the younger man. He'd betrayed him. He soiled the trust he'd given him.

He sighed at his own thoughts. He could never hate Frank. He still loved him dearly, but he didn't want to. Soon, he knew, after spending time away from him, the feelings would fade and he'd move on. He's bleary eyes glanced at the clock after tying his shoes on and realized he only had half an hour to get to the train station. For the first few days, he decided on not going to the interview, but changed his mind. He wanted to leave the town. If he was going to live for his brother and himself, then he'd have to get as far away from the cluster of rundown buildings as possible.

His parents were still asleep, which he was thankful for, because he knew they'd ask questions about where he was going. They started checking up on him often, much to his annoyance, but he just kept his mouth shut and muttered that he was fine. They pestered him to go to school, but he curtly explained that he was being e-mailed his assignments and slammed the door in their faces. He respected them for trying, but he wasn't having it.

Just as he was about to open the front door, someone began to knock. Curious, he opened the door.

"Linda?" He said, raising his brow. "What are you doing here?" He asked, politely. He hadn't seen her since before Frank's birthday. She gave him a big smile and grabbed his wrist, pulling him along. The sudden movement, caused him to slam the door behind him and he almost grimaced, knowing the sound was sure to wake the couple upstairs sleeping. He'd be getting a phone call later. "Linda, what are you doing?" He asked.

"Well, you have an interview in New York, yes?" He nodded. "Exactly. I'm taking you, so get in," she said, unlocking the car doors by the button on her key.

"You don't have to take me. I can get there on my own," he said stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Besides, I don't want to see Frank." Linda gave him a small smile.

"He isn't coming. The day before Halloween, he asked me to take you if things didn't go well on his birthday," she explained. He rolled his eyes, not caring about manners.

"Look, if this is his way of trying to get back on my good side, then I don't need it," he argued. Linda's face became serious, the playful gleam that had always been there, suddenly gone.

"This is his way of trying to help you get somewhere. That's all he's always wanted to do, now get in the car or we'll be late to your interview. All trains are ten minutes to leaving." She got in the car and shut the door before starting the car. Gerard gave a soft smile to her facial features and words. He now knew where Frank got it from, and this somehow made him happy. Frank knew what was going to happen and he planned ahead. He knew what he'd done wasn't right, but that didn't mean he was going to let it stop Gerard from going to that interview. The one he'd been so happy to get. He went over to the passengers and got in, buckling himself.

"Thank you, Linda. How has... Frank been anyways?" He asked. He gave a soft sigh as she started the car, the sound nearly going missed from the engine turning on.

"He's all right. Just getting by. He spends more time in his room just reading," she explained. "He misses you, Gerard. We all do." Gerard felt a pang in his chest, but he ignored it.

"I don't know if I can forgive him," Gerard responded.

"He knows," she mumbled. They drove on in silence with nothing but oldies playing on the radio. It reminded him of how much Frank loved them. He could just hear him yelling, 'oldies but goodies' and it made him smile as much as it made him tear up. He needed to stop thinking about him.

As they got closer and closer to New York, Gerard became more nervous. This was his future and he was terrified of fucking it up. He was glad Linda was here, though, it made him feel more at ease.

"I wish you were my mother sometimes," he said out of the blue.

"You don't mean that, Gerard. You love your mother," she replied. "But I am very happy you like me so much."

"I wish I didn't love her a lot of the time. She really hurt us growing up. She never laid a hand on us, but she didn't help us mentally and emotionally. If she had done better, maybe Mikey would still-" He cut himself off. No, he thought. If Ray had done better, Mikey would definitely still be here. Linda didn't pester him to continue and instead stayed silent. They continued on, Gerard somehow finding the confidence he'd been lacking as they pulled up to the college.

"I'll wait here, sweetheart. After you're done, we'll go for some lunch. My treat, okay?" Frank's mother said. Gerard gave her a warm smile.

"Thank you, Linda," he said, stepping out of the car and looking up at what he hoped his future was. He just wanted to get out of that fucking town and away from everyone there, especially Frank, as fast as he could. He appreciated all the younger man had done for him, but when it really came down to the most important thing he needed to know, he didn't tell him and that's what really mattered. As he walked to the entrance, his heart clenched. He was supposed to be coming in here with Frank, his best friend, his boyfriend, his soulmate even, but that was gone. He wasn't anything but the previous chapter to Gerard and he almost felt bad because of it. Almost. Besides, he thought, if Frank had cared, he would've come to pick him himself rather than sending his mother.

"Hello, how may I help you?" The man at the desk asked him. It was cold in the school, and the air was crisp, but he felt oddly comfortable.

"Hey, I'm Gerard Way. I'm here for an interview at three," he said. He nodded and got on the phone.

"All right. They're ready for you. Go through the door, turn left, all the way up the hall and it's the second to the last door on the left. Good luck, man," he offered, giving Gerard a smile. After thanking the man, Gerard followed the directions.

"How was he, mom?" Frank asked his mother over the phone. She sighed.

"He actually doesn't seem too bad. When I got to his house, he was about to leave," she explained.

"That's good. You still have my letter to give to him?"

"Yep." Frank sighed.

"Thanks for doing this, mama. I'm sorry your son is such a coward," he mumbled, defeated.

"You're not a coward, baby. You did what you thought was right, and I'm proud of you for it. Even if Gerard doesn't want to speak with you right now, just know that you helped that boy when he needed it, okay? You did something good and your dad would be proud," she said. She couldn't stand for her own son to think of himself that way when none of it was true. He grew up into a wonderful man despite what he's been through. If anyone deserved happiness, or at least a small break, it was her son. He'd always deserve more than he'd have.

"Thanks, mama. I love you. I'll see you when you get home, be careful." She smiled, glad she made him feel a sliver of happiness.

"Okay, sweetie. I love you, too," she said and then hung up. She played around with the stations for a while before finding a good song and rolling with it. She laid her head back and waited. It was an hour and a half before Gerard knocked on the window, causing her to jump. She unlocked the door and he apologized as he got it, closing the door behind him.

"I got it, Linda!" he exclaimed happily. "I gotta call, Frank! Oh, God, he's gonna be so-" and then he stops, suddenly realizing what he said, and deflates. "I, um, can't wait to share this with Mikey," he mumbles. As if a fog had cleared, he suddenly realized that his only friend was Frank and he pushed him away after he tried to help him, not hurt him. Linda gave him a sympathetic smile and dug through her purse. Linda hands Gerard a letter.

"This is from Frank. He told me to give it to you after your interview." He took it and stared at it, having mixed feelings about the younger man. He was still angry from what had been hidden from him, but he missed his best friend. The only man he'd ever love. As Linda pulled out of the parking lot, he reluctantly opened it. His curiosity getting the best of him. He opened the letter and read it.

'Gerard,
I knew you were going to feel terrified going in there, so I hope being near my mom helped you. It went great, didn't it? If they don't accept you then they're the ones who lost out. I know you're angry with me and don't want to see me again, but I wanted you to know something: Never give up on your dreams of being an artist, okay? These are dangerous days we live in and you, the artist, are our last defense.
I believe in you, Gerard.

-Frank.'

Gerard put his hand over his eyes and let the tears fall. Frank wasn't a coward. He was the opposite. He'd sent his mom because he knew it would help keep him calm, and even though he was mad at Frank, he still cared about him and valued his opinion. He still wanted to be with him, even. He can't overlook everything else that Frank has done. Because of him, he was able to apply to a college, strive to better his grades, make peace with himself, and accept that fact that while Mikey was gone, he'd never leave Gerard's side. It was because of all the confidence he'd gained while being friends with the other man that he was able to walk into that interview on his own and answer all the questions with poise. He pulled out his phone and sent Frank a message, even if a call would've been better. He wasn't comfortable sobbing on the phone and all that with the guy's mom right next to him.

To: Frank :)
4:57 p.m
I'm coming back to you.

He put his phone up and turned to Linda, staring at her for a long while.

"I'm in love your son," he said out of nowhere. She smiled and nodded.

"I know," she replied softly. He smiled to himself and couldn't stop the giggles from escaping his lips. Suddenly, he wasn't even angry at the other man, nor was he with Ray or Bob. Being accepted into his first choice eagerly had given him the opportunity to think clearer. Ray didn't have to tell him, but Frank talked him into it and he followed through. Frank didn't have to figure out Mikey's reason, but he did even if it hurt him in the process. Frank didn't have to talk to him in the first place or even save him from that beating months ago, but he did. Frank's family didn't have to accept him, but they did. There were so many things Frank and his family didn't have to do, but they did. Happily, even.

"Thank you, you know, for everything."

"I should be thanking you. After you came into Frank's life, he's been a lot better. Sure, he'd always been a cheerful boy, but when you came into the picture, it was genuine. He wasn't just putting a smile on his face to please me, he was smiling because he was happy. Look, you kids are young, and life is way too damn short to let yourself get in the way of your own happiness, so if he makes you happy, you have my blessing. Go for it, Gerard, because Frank is waiting for you," she said.

"I changed him, too?" He asked, his voice slightly higher because he couldn't believe it. He always thought he'd taken from Frank without giving back. It was a weight off of his shoulder. "Thank you for telling me that. I'll really have to thank him one day, for everything." Gerard pulled out his phone and checked it.

From: Frank :)
5:02 p.m
I'm sorry. For everything.

To: Frank :)
5:05 p.m
I am, too. I should have listened to your reasoning more.

It was true, but he knew Frank would always give him the benefit of the doubt. That was his strongest suit and probably his worst.

From: Frank :)
5:06 p.m
You were mad. It's understandable. I'll be waiting for you here, as I always will.
I have something important to tell you.

As he sent a short okay with a smiley face, Gerard's heart raced. He couldn't wait to see his best friend and go back to school and walk home with him. He couldn't wait to see that man's dazzling smile and the perfect hue of his eyes looking at him like he was the only person in the world who mattered to him. He was away from Frank for a week, but that was long enough. He couldn't wait to hold him and tell him how much he loved him. He couldn't wait to protect him from everything harmful. He couldn't wait to be by his side while he achieved great things. He couldn't wait to be with him all his life and grow old with him. He couldn't wait to start shopping for clothes for their adopted kids, toys for them and the dogs they're sure to get, he couldn't wait to be a dad with him. But most of all, he couldn't wait until the day when they both said their vows.

Sure, maybe he was a little too young to think about marriage, but when you knew, you knew and there was no stopping the mind from playing out the goals of your life just as you wanted it.

Before he forgot, not as though he ever would, he decided to send out one more message.

To: Ray Toro
5:15 p.m
We need to talk.
Meet me tomorrow at the same café at noon.

He needed to start wrapping things up. He needed to leave all of that behind as the new year came. It was going to be his first Thanksgiving and Christmas without his brother being a glutton or an annoying sibling waking him up at five in the morning for presents. He was definitely going to miss that, but maybe Frank would come with him to visit his grave. Maybe Frank would want to.