Kill All Your Friends (Frerard)

The Parties Fade

Frank and Gerard stood in front of the board posted with the results of their placement test, which was nearly couple of weeks ago. Throughout that time, the pair had grown even closer. They had taken to falling asleep in the same bed, holding hands more often than not, and even spooning on more than one occasion, but that wasn't something they would talk about.

"Congratulations, Gerard! You got first!" Frank said excitedly. Gerard waved him off with a smile on his face.

"Me? What about you? You got first, too!" Gerard's entire attitude about life had changed. He was grateful to still be living, because he was determined to become something for the both he and Mikey.

"Yeah, but you're going to be Valedictorian!" Frank nearly squealed as he began to drag Gerard out to their tree. They had to wait until the last bell rang to find out their scores, but it was well worth it, Frank concluded.

"So you've gotta get started on your speech," Frank mumbled in the silent air around them. Lately, his mind had been going other places. His birthday was in eleven days and he wasn't sure if he wanted to celebrate it or not, because his father wasn't there. He always feels not there by the time October came around and it wasn't for the reason most people thought. They always assumed it was because his father physically wasn't there, but no, he thought. It was because he felt like he was leaving his father more in the past.

"There's still one more test in the year left, Frank. Anything can happen," Gerard said softly. Frank scoffed.

"You blew those other people out of the water. You've got nothing to worry about. We'll still study, but I'm sure you should start working on your speech." His thoughts went back to his father.

He knew it was probably an irrational thought, but it was a feeling that would never go away. Suddenly, he felt a warm hand engulf his cold one and he snapped back to focusing on Gerard, who was giving him a cautious smile.

"Hey, I've been meaning to ask, Frank. What do you want to do for your birthday?" Gerard asked. Frank's eyes widen only slightly, shocked.

"How do you know my birthday is coming up?" He asked. Gerard gave him a sheepish smile, averting his eyes for a few moments before returning to look in his best friend's eyes.

"Linda told me a few days ago, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up. She told me because I noticed you were acting... different and I asked her if she knew why. Frank, you don't need to feel that way, okay? You have me," Gerard trailed off, suddenly becoming shy at his own words.

"Gerard," Frank sighed, moving his hand away from Gerard's grip. "Thank you, but I'd like to be alone for Halloween, okay?" He said, almost scared that he would hurt Gerard with his request. He was right. The look Gerard gave him nearly made him take his words back, but he stood his ground.

"Why?" Gerard asked feebly.

"I'll tell you later, okay? Wanna go home and watch some movies?" Frank asked, dismissing his question. It was something he did a lot, Gerard noticed, but he figured it was because Frank was protecting him. What he didn't realize was that Frank was also protecting himself. The two started on their way back to Frank's house in silence, not minding the tense around one another. Gerard had begun to pay more attention to Frank, noticing how close they were at random times, finding double meanings in things that he says and it's driving him crazy, if he was going to be honest.

"Frank?" He asked Frank suddenly. Frank's house was still a few blocks away. If he was going to tell him how he felt or get an insight on how Frank felt about Gerard himself, it was going to have to be now.

"What's up?" Frank responded. Gerard smiled and cursed Frank for not even having to do anything to make him smile. He thought about how to ease his way onto that topic, but he knew it wasn't going to be hard since Frank knew he was curious about everything.

"I've been wondering for a while now. Um, why didn't you wanna date Pete?" He asked cautiously. After giving it a minute of thought, Frank shrugged.

"I just don't want to date anyone right now. It wasn't Pete, exactly. I just don't want to be with anyone. Maybe one day, I'll see if he still wants to take me out on that date," Frank half-lied easily, giving Gerard a fake smile. Gerard felt his throat clench, but he forced it away as he nodded at Frank's words.

"That makes sense."

"What about you?" Frank abruptly asked. Gerard stammered a little before gathering himself and opening his mouth to answer.

"I like someone. A lot. I really do," he admitted. Frank froze, freezing him in his tracks before snapping his neck out to look at him. Gerard didn't spend any time with anyone other than Frank, so who could it be? Unless... Was he speaking with someone online?!Frank mind conjured.

"Oh, yeah?" He tried ask calmly, "who is it?" He nearly gritted through his teeth with a tight smile on his face. Gerard thought maybe he were in pain, but didn't remember seeing anything that could have caused him any pain. Had he accidentally twisted his ankle while walking? Because Frank is prone to doing that, it seems.

"I-I, um, it's no one. I'll tell you later," Gerard mumbled, continuing to walk, causing Frank to have to catch up to him. He decided not to press the subject seeing as he alwaysseemed to be telling Gerard the same thing lately. That he'd tell him later, so he couldn't exactly get angry with him. He held a sigh and they continued on their way.

His mind wandered back to Halloween and Frank knew what he was planning to do. He'd already spoken to Ray and he agreed that day would work. Frank would follow them to the local park and watch over Gerard. Even though he did want to be alone that day, it also gave him an excuse to make sure Gerard didn't ask him to come along. During the past few weeks, his mind had prepared him for every possible outcome for that day. Would Gerard attempt to hurt Ray or himself or both? Would he think about hurting Frank for keeping it from him for so long? So many questions were left bouncing around in his mind and he had to wait until he was actually hiding behind a tree in the park a safe, yet close distance from them. He was terrified. Would Gerard go back to his old self; the one Frank had met him in? Or would he surprise everyone and forgive Ray or at least attempt to understand?

Frank felt himself getting a headache and decided to save the wondering for another day.

"Hey, Frank?" Gerard suddenly asked. Frank looked over at him to see Gerard doing the same. "Do you think I could get into an art school in New York?" He questioned. Frank immediately smiled brightly at the taller man.

"Definitely! I've seen your work and they'd be complete senseless not to accept you! What school are you thinking about?" Gerard seemed reluctant, but began to smile, too.

"Um, the New York Academy of Art," he mumbled. Frank patted his shoulder, smiling almost stupidly at him.

"I believe you can get in, Gerard. Have you applied?" Gerard shook his head, causing Frank to knit his eyebrows in concern. "Uh, why not?" Gerard shrugged.

"I just kinda don't wanna do it alone." Frank could respect that.

"Let's get started at my house. I'll be there with you. Besides, school will be coming to an end sooner than you think, it's better to get accepted somewhere earlier so you can be sure it's the real deal and you can start looking at apartments or dorms or whatever," Frank rambled on. Gerard was kind of hurt that Frank didn't look hurt by him moving away or anything, but replaced that emotion with happiness because he knew Frank just wanted him to pursue what he wanted himself. Sure, Frank was sad he'd be leaving, but his best friend deserves to do what he decides will make him happy. Gerard would do the same for him, he thought. And he was right; he would.

"Thanks for doing this with me, Frank. It means a lot," Gerard says. Frank pats his arm softly.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you," Frank response. This causes Gerard's face to heat up at the way the comment sounded. He knew he shouldn't get his hopes up with Frank, but he just couldn't help it. "Anyways, they'll probably do the whole interview thing so we'll get your transcripts from the school tomorrow and everything. We can go on a road trip to New York!" Frank exclaimed happily. Gerard smiled over at him, happy.

"Yeah, that sounds like a bunch of fun. What are we gonna do today though, like, after doing my application?" Gerard asked.

"What we normally do, I guess. My mom bought a new collection of b-movies last night for us, so we should get started on those. How 'bout it?" Gerard nodded.

"Sounds like the best thing in the world." Frank gave a smile in return and the two continued on in silence.

They arrived at Frank's a few moments later and Gerard laughed as Frank called out 'Honey, I'm home!' to his mother.

"Hello, boys. How was school?" She asked as she came from her bedroom. "How did you do on the test?" She asked another question, unable to contain it.

"We both placed first in our grades!" Frank exclaimed. Linda squealed and practically ran to the both and hugged them both tightly. Gerard would never get used to her hugs, because he hadn't hugged his own mother in over a year or two; he lost track. Mikey used to hug her every chance he got but, thinking back on it now, she never really did much but hug him with only one arm. Half a hug and uncommitted. The type of hug you give a person because they were married into the family of a distant cousin who lived across the country and only came down on annual family get together's. A polite hug. Thinking about it, it bothered Gerard. His brother just wanted a hug from his parents, and now he'd never get it.

He hadn't been to visit his brother's grave since they lowered him, but maybe it was time to go there again. The thought made his heart race and he decided against it. He didn't want to see his brother reduced to just a box six feet under the ground.

Linda pulled away and then kissed both of them on the cheek.

"We have to celebrate! What should we have for dinner?" She asked. Frank shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know. What do you think, Gerard?" Frank asked. Gerard didn't know what to say. Sure, now that he spent every night with them eating dinner, he was still caught off guard every time they asked him what he felt like eating. He didn't really care. Food was food and he wasn't in any position to be picky. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Um, really, whatever you guys want. I'm just a guest," he replied.

"That's nonsense, Gerard," Frank's mother said. "You're a part of the family, sweetheart. Your input is just as important." Gerard felt a lump in his throat and tears come to his eyes.

"I wish Mikey could've met you and had you just as I do," he confessed, his voice hardly above a whisper. Linda gave his shoulder a squeeze and leaned her forehead against his.

"I do, too," she replied. Gerard loved Frank's mother as much as he possibly could. She had been there for him more in these few months than his own mother had his whole life so far; he was forever indebted to her and her family. Even Helena.


Later that evening, when John came home, they sat at the table as a family. The family talked and discussed their day and just before the two teenagers were cleaning up, John announced that he had a surprise for the both of them.

"What is it?" Frank asked. John went to the fridge and pulled out a medium sized cake. With a big smile on his face, he set it down on the table and clapped his hands.

"I'm so proud of you boys for doing your best on that test!" He said happily. Gerard could never put together how happy John was. He'd been through a great deal throughout his childhood, with his father being arrested when he was around seventeen for the abduction and slaughter of almost a nearly a dozen little boys and girls and his mother driven to suicide at the discovery when he was eighteen. When Frank revealed this information to him, Gerard really felt for the man. How John hadn't let that influence his happiness or need to live really impressed him.

The two peered over to look at the cake and Gerard smiled warmly at John because of what was written on it.

"Congratulations
Frank & Gerard
For passing the test!"

This man was really something else and Gerard was thankful for it.

"Wow, this looks amazing, John! Thank you!" Frank said as he ran to the other side of the table and hugged the man. Gerard was extremely flattered that his name was even on the cake, but he supposed this was when he finally realized that he was a part of this family. He walked over to the man and held his hand out.

"Thank you, John," he said softly. Frank smiled from the other side of John and watched the exchange. John smiled, too, giving his head a slight shake before pulling Gerard into his arms and hugging him tightly.

"You're welcome, son. Now, let's eat some cake!" The family all ate their weight in cake and retired to their rooms just as the sunset.


"So, does it look good?" Gerard asked. Frank looked over the application and then nodded his head in approval. Gerard smiled and hit 'Submit.'

"We'll pick up your transcript from the front office tomorrow?" Frank asked. Gerard nodded. "Wanna stay over tonight? My mom washed the last clothes you left here so you have some for tomorrow." Gerard nodded his head once again and rubbed his eyes sleepily. They crawled into bed and Gerard leaned his head on Frank's shoulder. It was moments like these where Frank's breath caught in his throat and he felt like he had to confess his, but he couldn't give in. They were so close to Gerard's talk with Ray. That was more important. As soon as Gerard's breathing evened out, Frank leaned down and pressed his lips to the top of his head and then leaned his head against his.

Frank laid there for a while just thinking of nothing and everything. He thought about that time he was seven and fell off his bike, because he remembered his father running up to him so concerned that he was hurting. His mind fast forward to the time he was eleven and he came home beaten up for accidentally stepping on a big kid's new shoes. His father didn't even bat an eye. By that time, he was spending most of his time in his study like a cliché fuck, just handed him a box of Band-Aid's and left him be. He supposed that should've been the red flag that his dad wasn't going to be there anymore, but he was too young to see anything.

He turned over to face Gerard and held him closely to his chest. This was the first time he was doing this, but he didn't care if Gerard woke up at all. He just needed to wait until his birthday and then he could let everything that had been inside his heart. He could tell Gerard he was in love with him and maybe they could be together if Frank's instincts were correct and Gerard liked him, too. Maybe he could win over Gerard's heart and not the other person Gerard had spoken of earlier. He nearly growled in frustration at the thought but settled for holding the older man tighter.

Gerard stirred, curling his arms into Frank's chest and then stilling again. Frank looked down at him and thought about how complete his life would be if he could go to sleep in this position every night with this same person. He wouldn't need anything else if he did. He wouldn't need some big career or magical life spent in a big corporation or being in that band he'd always wanted to start, because all he would need was Gerard. Gerard was his everything at that terrified him; he was only sixteen while Gerard is already legally an adult everywhere.

Deep in his heart and buried in his mind, he knew that he and Gerard weren't meant to always be together, side by side, but that didn't mean he was going to back away without trying. In the end, it was Gerard's choice to determine what would make him happy and if that person ended up not being Frank, then he would have to respect that. He would pull himself out of Gerard's life, no matter now selfish that sounded, because he couldn't stand to be in his life knowing he belong to someone else. He would hate to see the taller man's eyes fill with love when looking at another person, he would hate for them to see how he looked right now as he slept, he would hate for him to hold someone else's hand so freely and he was afraid. Frank Iero was terrified of Gerard Way and his love for the older man, but he'd stick it out, because he was positive he'd regret it for the rest of his life if he just walked away.

Frank sighed as he looked about his room and thought about how different his life would be if his dad hadn't taken his own life. He wouldn't have known John, Helena wouldn't have been born, and maybe Frank wouldn't have been happy. Maybe Mikey would've had different thoughts and Gerard would still be a happy guy, maybe his group of friends wouldn't have drifted so far apart. Even though that universe was filled with his life without Gerard, he wouldn't have minded that being his world because at least Gerard would've been happy. Maybe in that world, due to the neglect and unhappiness his childhood home caressed him with, he would've taken his own life, or simply run away. He shook his head of those thoughts because he couldn't allow his mind to travel back down into the world of self-harm. Not while he was in the happy place he was in now.

He stared at his closed closet door and remembered his guitar. He should start playing again, because it always managed to pull him out of his slumps. After his father died, he played and played and played until his fingers bled and then played some more, because it was the only way he knew how to get the pain out. He remembered writing a hate song about his father but then immediately burning it after its completion. Now, he couldn't remember the lyrics if his life depended on it and that was how he wanted it. Starting tomorrow, he thought, he'd play again. Maybe he'd come up with something for Gerard and confess to him that way because he was a romantic at heart.