Kill All Your Friends (Frerard)

Even Heroes Get the Blues

"I'm not mad at you, Frank," Gerard said as he held him tighter. Frank's crying had ceased to occasional sniffling.

"Really?" He asked quietly. Gerard's heart clenched at how small he sounded. Ever since he'd met Frank, his voice had always been so strong and confident, never like this.

"Really. I understand, but I should apologize about what I said about you not knowing how it felt," Gerard murmured. Frank held onto him tighter.

"No, it's okay. You didn't know." They finally pulled away from each other, sharing a small smile. Frank quickly noticed how close they were and subtlety pulled away from home.

"It may be bad timing, but I need to head home," Gerard said as he stood gathering his things.

"I'll walk you home," Frank offered dismissing the sleep taking over him. All of his crying made him very tired.

"No, that's okay. Get some rest," he answered, very aware of Frank's sleepiness. Frank walked him to the door after a brief 'see you soon' from his parents and a reminder of his welcome at their home.

"See you tomorrow," Gerard told the younger male as he waved a goodbye and walked away. Just as Frank closed the door, he turned to see his mother and John smiling at him.

"What?" He questioned.

"We like him. We approve!" His mother beamed. Frank groaned.

"Oh, God, you guys. No. It's not like that! We're friends." Frank pouted.

"Friends hold hands, dear?"

"They... can?" He hesitated in saying, trying to defend himself. His mother and John laughed, causing Frank to pout more.

"Okay, sweetie. If you say so!" His mother sang. He huffed, heading up to his room.

"Good night, mother, John!" He said, playfully bitter. As he got to his room, he stripped to his boxers and slipped into bed. He looked at the clock next to his bed.

7:45.

And he was already falling asleep.

He needed a good night's rest anyways.

Gerard's walk was short, considering Frank only lived a few blocks away from him. When he got inside, his parents were nowhere in insight, thankfully. He hadn't seen them since their little talk a few days ago. He walked into his and Mikey's room and laid on his bed after kicking his shoes off. He stared at the ceiling, thinking of his day. The highlight was definitely his visit to Frank's house. After many months of isolating himself, it felt good to finally hang out with another human being, he admitted.

Frank certainly was an interesting character. He was understanding, full of smiles, laughter, and had an overall good aura around him. It was weird to see him so open. He knew, despite his outgoing nature, he was a very closed-off person. He talked a lot, he realized, but never about himself.

"What should I do tonight?" He asked himself aloud. He looked over to the books he borrowed from Frank and then back to his shelf full of movies.

"I'll just lay here for a while then," he mumbled, not being able to decide. Before he knew it, though, he was feeling sleepy and he was happy about that.

Maybe he'd get a good night's sleep.

Frank awoke abruptly, feeling refreshed and hungry. Thinking back, he didn't really eat his dinner feeling as nervous as he was. He makes his way downstairs and fixes himself a big bowl of cereal before taking a seat on the couch and switching on the television. He glanced at the clock next to the TV and saw it was ten until six am.

Flipping through the channels, he was Tom & Jerry on. He laughed sadly as he watched the two fight one another. He thought back to the times he would secretly stay up all night just to spend some father/son time with his dad, who woke up at six am every day except the weekends for work. He would put on a sleepy face and yawn as he walked in the kitchen as his dad made his coffee. His dad would ask him if he wanted to watch TV with him. He wasn't a bad dad, but the fact that he left him and his mother in such a way made him very terrible. He loved his dad, but hated him at the same time. Despite his understanding nature, he wasn't sure he'd be able to forgive him. If anything was sure, he'd forgive his father before forgiving God.

He knew it wasn't his dad or God's fault; his brain understood, but his heart didn't accept it. He wasn't sure it ever would.

He set his half-filled bowl of now soggy Frosted Flakes and stared at another episode of Tom & Jerry starting. He didn't know how long he sat there. He didn't feel his mother shaking him or the tears she was wiping from his face. He didn't even feel any pain as everything began going black and his vision turned sideways. And that was good, he felt.

Gerard's walk to school was silent. Even after he'd past the street where Frank was normally humming happily to himself, bouncing in his step, but he wasn't.

Had he over slept?

He needed to give him his books back. After only having slept two hours, he awoke and decided to read the borrowed books. He'd finished both last night, reading the last page just as his alarm went off at five-fifty am. It was a reminder he had to snap away from his thoughts and get ready for the day.

He continued his walk, thinking maybe Frank's mother or John had given him a lift. As he walked in the school, he quickly spotted Ray and Bob. He kept looking ahead, not wanting to look at them. He knew it he did, they'd see how much he missed them dearly. As he passed by, he heard Bob quietly tell Ray, "it's okay. One day. One day." His heart clenched in his chest, but he willed his feet to keep going. And they did. He missed his best friends, but he was too frightened to go back to them. What was he supposed to say anyways? He bit the inside of his cheek as hard as he could, and walked along.

By lunch time, Gerard was confused. He still hadn't seen Frank and now he was actually concerned. 'What if... What if he... Mikey...' He quickly moved to his feet and headed out the school gates. No one would notice him anyways, and that was good. He jogged down the same path he'd walked to school, and turned on Frank's road. His housed looked the same, but the feeling in his gut knew otherwise. He walked up the steps and hesitantly knocked on the door. He waited and waited, but no answer. He looked to their driveway and saw two cars there, meaning everyone had to be home.

'No! What if he... Frank, no! Please, not you, too...' He banged on the door this time, tears welling up in his eyes. Finally, John came to the door, a somber look on his face.

"Gerard, this isn't really the best ti-"

"Where is he? Is he okay? I need to see him," he said it so quickly, he didn't think John could understand him, but when he stepped aside to let Gerard in, giving him a smile, he was fine again.

"His room," was all he said before disappearing down a hall next to the stairs. Gerard slowly made his way up, somewhat afraid of what was wrong. He didn't even know why he felt this way, for all he knew Frank was just sick. But the look on John's face told him otherwise. He knocked on Frank's door, but it was already open. He pushed it open and saw Frank laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Frank?" He asked quietly. No answer. He moved closer, practically standing over him and looked into his eyes. They looked almost lifeless. As if he were dead. Gerard put two fingers to his wrist to check his pulse and found it strong. He sighed in relief; he knew Frank was okay now.

"Frank?" he asked again, now sitting down on the bed. Frank was silent for a moment before he started sniffling, tears running down the corners of his eyes and into his hair. Frank opened his mouth and whispered something Gerard couldn't quite hear. The older male leaned down closer, putting his ear right next to Frank's mouth.

"What?" He asked.

"I'm broken..." he whispered so lowly, so sadly, so feebly. Gerard covered his mouth with his hand, gasping inaudibly. He put his forehead on the pillow next to Frank's head and let his tears slip out without a word, and going against everything he'd now made himself out to be, he laid down next to the fragile boy and wrapped his arm around his waist, hugging him tightly.

"It's okay," he whispered in Frank's ear. "I am, too."