How it happened.

How you say ' I love you '

I love you.

It’s a big word. It’s a word that no matter how long after you said it, how many times you would like to take it back, it will never happen.

 Saying these three little words to someone makes you vulnerable. It makes the other person know that they are, indeed, important to you.

           That they have become someone that you have trusted. Someone that has always been there for you, and always will. These words might mean nothing to some.

People can throw these three words out like they throw garbage out after dinner. But for me, I love you means giving yourself and more to one person who can leave you at any given time.

  I’ve never believed in love. My whole life I have chased for my mother and half of my life has been spent staying away from people who might become something important in my life.

The question is: Am I willing to let it all out? Am I ready to bear my heart and soul for one guy who I think I might love? Let’s be honest here: I haven’t known Tucker that long.

         I use to know people like me who would get a boy friend or girlfriend and a week after confess those three little words.

   For them, it might have been true or it might have been something like love. For them, saying this word was easy. For me, not so much.

I know I’m over analyzing all of this, Right? I mean how can a girl sit here and think about every Damn thing she can about love?

    Why not just say the Words and get the hell over with it? I mean them, right? Do I love Tucker? What in the God’s Name does love even mean?  

If I had to figure out what love meant from me, it would mean Lost. Love is something that can never end up good. Love is something that some person made up to betray feelings of Lust and maybe Likeness.

  But Love? That shit will never end up good.

  That’s why I had to ask. I had to ask people what they thought love meant to them. Maybe if I knew the word, what it meant, then Maybe I could figure out what Love meant.

       Maybe I could figure out the Big Bang Question:

   Did I, Indeed, with everything in me, Love Tucker?

         Or was I going crazy?

                

                  *~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~

 ‘What does the Word Love mean to you?’

    I looked down at my Aunt who was busy looking at her new painted walls. She had a thing of abandoned coffee in one hand and her left index finger on her chin.

   I looked at her hopelessly. I probably looked like crap. My hair was tangled in a twirls everywhere and my eyes were red and puffy.

  I spent all last night wondering what the hell Love meant. And since I had no answer, I was seeking help.

   Sleeping again with Tucker was a bad idea. A Horrible one. I woke up the next day knowing it was  bad the minute I looked at him. I knew he wanted to tell me something that night, and I knew I didn’t want him too.  

Now, Here I was at 5:00 in the morning, and hour earlier then I needed to be up for school, looking like a troll, asking about Love. My Aunt turns to me and tilts her head.