Alnihayya

||M a s j i d||

S i x

At that time BOW DOWN IN SUJOOD & FIND Him.
I repeat BOW DOWN IN SUJOOD & FIND Him.

-szkiayani-

☆

Mashal

Scoring the best grades still does not mean that you have passed.

Take me for example; I am the biggest failure of the century.
I judge people without knowing their story.
I cannot ever make my mother happy, even though my Jannah lies underneath her feet.
I cannot treat my sister well.
I am "shameless" even after wearing a face veil.
I can never make friends.
I can never be a normal person because normal people don't hate songs.

And the list continues.

I try so hard but I fail.
Each time.

The worst part is, I don't even understand the mistakes I made.

Before my swollen eyes could start forming a waterfall, I quickly looked away from my pitiful reflection on the mirror. My eyes darted to the clock which had just struck 9, informing me that my Physics class at college had started but I couldn't attend it.

"Its okay Mashal." I tried to reassure myself with a hand on my heart and eyes closed, "You're not going to be asked about your degree on judgement day."

That didn't seem to work. Instead, it made me feel more sad.
Nothing seemed to work.

The air of my room felt suffocating and my college bag seemed to beg me to go to college.

I rushed out of my room and down the stairs, trying not to think about the fact that I couldn't go to college anymore.

No one was home. Mama and Papa had gone off to work. Minahil was at her college and Abdullah was in school. For a second I heard a voice inside me, suggesting me to go to college and come back before my family came home but I shushed it aside.

I couldn't disobey mama and fail once again.

To distract myself from the misery I was in, I decided to clean the house.
Such a bad idea but still it worked to calm my nerves down.

After I had scrubbed the dishes, mopped the floor, wiped the windows, cut the wildly growing grass in the garden, tidied up the shed, made red beans for lunch, the clock struck 1:00

I did everything that I could possibly do at home but still only half of the day had passed. Amazing.

Exhausted, I fell on my bed and stared at the blank ceiling. I had nothing left to do and I couldn't even leave the house except for....

Yes! The masjid!
Giving myself a face palm for not thinking of this earlier, I rushed to the bathroom for wudu. Then I hurriedly threw on my abaya and niqab before leaving the house.

Madinah masjid was just 5 minutes away from our house and maybe that is the only reason mama allowed me to go there.

I reached the masjid with enough time before the zuhr jamaat so I prayed the sunnahs and sat there waiting for the jamaat. The masjid was empty at the women's side. There was no one except for me.

I love the solitude and peace that comes from being alone.

But still, how can one be alone when Allah is always there?

The jamaat started with an Allahu Akbar which sent shudders through my entire system.
I don't know what it was about that voice that was so unexplainable.
I wanted to hear more of that voice. I wanted the Imam to recite the Quran but since it was zuhr salah, he didn't recite it out loud.