Alyssa's Second Chance [Completed]

4-Your Halo Isn't as Straight as You Pretend

Sitting in the conference room waiting for the interviews to end, I think about my day.  Despite the challenging morning, the interviews seemed to go well.  I laid out my expectations for Amir and he seemed to be cooperative as he met with the candidates.  I wouldn't normally be so harsh when speaking to one of our executives, but can't afford to show weakness or allow myself to be pushed around.   

I am the only female member to sit on our executive leadership board in San Francisco and only eleven percent of our executives in the West are women.  That's an increase from five percent ten years ago.  Women in our company are beginning to progress to higher levels, but most of our female employees continue to work in low to mid-level administrative based positions.  

I've worked hard to be the exception.  I've earned the respect of my colleagues by taking a no-nonsense approach to problems.   I don't put up with poor performance, excuses or drama in the workplace from female or male colleagues.   I set clear expectations and I don't play games.  If someone is not meeting my expectations, I let them know.  If my male colleagues take that approach, it's considered normal.  Sometimes when I take that approach, I'm called a bitch.  People who know me don't feel that way.  In fact, I am genuinely well-liked by my employees and colleagues.    People who know me like me, but I have to be more careful when I work with someone new. 

I have been feeling a little bad about the way that I spoke with Amir this morning.  It's not that I was wrong to be upset about his lateness.  I am starting to think that maybe I was too harsh on him since he doesn't know me.  I didn't really listen to his explanation for being late. 

As I think about our conversation this morning, my cell phone begins to ring.  I look down at the caller id and see that it is Amy.  

"Hey Amy.  It's your day off.  Why are you calling me instead of enjoying your time off?"  I tease. 

I hear some squealing in the background followed by a splash.  She laughs and then starts explaining.  "It's ridiculously hot and the girls were dying to go swimming.  So, I'm at your house relaxing on your lounge chair in the shade while my kids are swimming in your pool.  Your mom just picked up your boys and a bunch of kids from school.  She ordered pizza and baked brownies.  So, the girls and I are crashing the party."

"I wish I was there.   I could be making margaritas for us!"  I say as I think how nice a cold margarita with salt on the rim would taste. 

"I will make drinks and have them ready if you leave the office at a decent hour." She promised.  "By the way, what happened with Amir?  Did he show up?  Did you murder him for being late?  What does he look like?  Is he a cute old guy like Geoff?"

"One question at a time," I warn.  "He did show up, but he was almost two hours late and I was so pissed at him.  He called me on his way to the office and he didn't even apologize.  He started making excuses and I just cut him off.  I couldn't stand to listen to him." I give Amy all of the details of the events of the morning. 

"Wow.  You still sound mad.  I'm glad that I not the one on your bad side.  How are things going now?"

"I guess things are going better now.  Everyone is completing their final interview and I will be meeting with the interviewers in about 30 minutes to talk and make decisions over lunch." As I talk to Amy, I start feeling less stressed and more confident that everything will work out.   

"That's good.  I will be looking forward to a full report from you over a margarita." Amy joked.  "Have you spoken with Amir since your confrontation this morning?"

"No, not yet," I say with a touch of guilt. "Do you think I should talk to him about it or just move forward unless he brings it up?"  I am secretly hoping that Amy recommends the second option. 

"Well, do you think that you could have handled the situation better this morning?" She asked.  "Would you have handled it differently, if it was Geoff that that was late and trying to explain what happened?"

"Perhaps.  I guess he just rubs me the wrong way.   He just seems so arrogant.  Amir probably thinks that since he is good looking and just got this big promotion, he can do whatever he wants.  Well, that's not the way it's going to work in my region.  He can't just smirk and stare at me with his big green eyes and have me fall at his feet."

"Wait. What?" Amy stops me.  "You didn't mention his looks.  Let's go back to that.  Describe him."

"Well, I might have skipped over that part," I admit. "He's young. I would guess in his mid-thirties at most.  He's tall and looks like he is in good shape.  Well dressed.  He has black hair, olive toned skin and the most piercing green eyes.    He could easily be mistaken for a male model.  The admin staff were all drooling and begging for an opportunity to meet him.  Too bad that his personality doesn't match his looks."

Loud laughing erupts on the call and Amy blurts out, "OMG, you think he's hot and you're pissed because you think that he's used to getting special treatment from women.   That's really why you are still mad.  If he was an older, average looking man, you would have already forgiven him and moved on.  You're holding a grudge against those piercing green eyes."

"That's not it!  I was mad at him before I saw him get off the elevator.   Then, I started talking to him about his behavior and my expectations for him for the rest of the day and it seemed like he was barely holding back a laugh.  I don't think he took it seriously at all!" I said with irritation. 

"OK, let's look at this from his perspective.  He has never met you.  He is running late and might have been dealing with a real emergency.  He arrives in the office and meets your scowl before he even gets off the elevator.  Then, you lecture him on his tardiness like he is a kid who came to class late.  Not to mention, I am sure the lecture was in your best mean school teacher tone.  I know how you get when you're mad.    Oh, even worse than that.  I bet you gave him one of those fake, sweet smiles and used your quiet, scary voice.   Despite your response, he didn't argue with you.  So, he either has a lot of patience or you scared the crap out of him.  You need to clear the air.  You are going to have to work with him for a long time, so be the bigger person and apologize!" she chuckled and added. "If you say sorry, I'll have a nice, cold drink waiting for you when you get home."

"Ok, Ok" I agree. "I'll be the bigger person and apologize."  I hear a knock on the conference room door and find the caterers ready to bring in lunch.  "Amy, I have to go.  I am going to try to leave early since I got here at 6 am.  I'll see you later.  Enjoy the pool."

The caterers set out a delicious looking lunch and vacating the room and leaving me with a few minutes of peace and quiet.  I began preparing for our meeting when Amir strolled into the conference room.  I looked up and our eyes met.  Suddenly, I had butterflies in my stomach and felt warm, tingly and short of breath.  I guess that's how my body reacts to the dread of being the bigger person.  I tell myself that I just need to get it done and stop putting it off. 

"Amir" I start.  "I just want to clear the air after this morning." The words seem to be stuck in my throat.  I can barely continue.  "I was upset that the morning was not going as I had planned.  I didn't give you a chance to explain why you were late and I should have been more welcoming to you as a visitor to our office.  For that, I apologize."  Relieved that I sounded fairly sincere, I smiled. 

Then, all of my graciousness went right out the window as he started laughing.  "I never would have pegged you as the type to apologize.  You might look like an angel, but I saw a little of your fire this morning.  I think that's the real you.  The one you hide from most people.  Geoff might think you are all sunshine and rainbows and your team talks about you like you're Snow White, but now I know better.  Maybe, your halo isn't quite as straight as you pretend."

The rest of the interview team chooses that moment to file into the conference room, cutting our conversation short.  As I try to hide my irritation, Amir leans forward and whispers, "I am looking forward to working with the real Alyssa."