Alyssa's Second Chance [Completed]

40-Asheghetam

I wake before the sun. I'm so tired, but I can't lay in bed any longer. I'm not sure if I really slept at all last night. I enjoyed the warmth of Amir's body and the feeling of his arms around me as he slept. I listened to his slow, steady breaths as I tried to figure out what to do. I spent hour after hour silently debating what is best for everyone involved.

It was a blessing and a curse to be so close to him as I was thinking about the future of our relationship. It would have made more sense to go downstairs and spend time alone thinking, but I couldn't resist being close to him. I'm drawn to him.

I know that I am at a crossroad. After a lot of thought, I finally know how to move forward. I thought of every possible outcome as I considered how to proceed with Amir. I thought about my sons, myself, Amir and the implications to both of our careers. None of the outcomes were without their challenges. I think I have made the right choice for everyone.

It's time to get on with the day and I wiggle my way out of Amir's arms and slowly creep out the of the bed. I'm so happy that he only rustles slightly, but seems to stay asleep.

I quickly put on a robe and grab the suitcase that I packed last night. I have some preparations to make before the alarm clock goes off in about an hour.

I enter the kitchen and start a pot of coffee. I'm going need some caffeine to function this morning. Caffeine and sugar are my best friends when I haven't slept. I desperately need both today.

Quietly, I preheat the oven and pull the ingredients for a simple muffin recipe. It only takes a few minutes to mix the batter and prep the muffins. Once the muffin pans are in the oven, I can take a deep breath.

Amir has a mid-morning client meeting in the South Bay. With traffic, it could take him a couple of hours to get to the client site. He should get on the road early, but we need to talk before I leave for my trip. We need to put everything out on the table and come to an understanding before I drive to the airport. I can't leave with things in limbo.

In the distance, I hear the beeping of my alarm from the master bedroom. The noise quickly stops and I hear Amir stirring upstairs. I hear the shower turn on upstairs. Amir must be getting ready and that gives me a few minutes to do the same.

I quickly shower and get ready in one of the bathrooms downstairs using items from my luggage. I need to be ready to leave for the airport as soon as I talk with Amir. I quickly reassemble my suitcase and place it by the front door next to my purse. My cell phone and boarding pass are carefully tucked inside. I'm ready.

I'm standing at the counter staring out the window with a cup of coffee when I feel Amir's arms wrap around my waist. He feels warm and comforting. He brushes the hair from the side of my face and greets me with a kiss on my cheek. "Good morning, beautiful."

"Good morning. I know that we both need to leave soon, but we need to talk. I thought that we could do that with muffins and coffee."

I motion for Amir to take a seat at the table. I pour him a cup of coffee and offer him a fresh muffin from the serving platter while avoiding his stare. He takes a bite and compliments my baking, but I have a hard time cracking a smile.

As I sit at the table, my stomach swirls with butterflies and my heart feels heavy. I tell myself that I need to be strong. I need to do what's best for both of us. Amir deserves someone who is whole and perfect. That's not me. I'm a broken, emotional mess.

Amir grabs my hand and starts gently rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. "You're so quiet and you're not eating. What's wrong? You're starting to scare me."

I feel the words stuck in my throat, fighting to get out. "I gave you one night. I hoped that we could clear this tension between us without getting attached. We took things too far. It's hard to let you go, but we need to go back to being colleagues. We need to put some space between us and pretend that this weekend never happened. It's the best thing for everyone."

I look into Amir's eyes and find hurt and betrayal. "How can you say that? Do you understand how I feel about you? I need you to give me a chance. Give us a chance."

"I wish that I could, but I can't. This won't work out for million different reasons and we need to end this before someone gets hurt."

"Someone is already hurt. I think two people are hurt, but one of them is hiding behind what she thinks is best."

"Amir," I pause before finding the words to continue. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm not giving up on you. We are meant to be together. I'm going to prove it to you." He stands up and pulls me into his arms. Then, leans over and captures my lips in a kiss.

I take a moment to bask in his warmth. Then, I use all my self-control to pull away. "I need to leave for the airport. I'm going to be late for my flight."

I look into Amir's eyes and see that he is resigned to his fate. "I'll grab my things and be on my way."

I walk him to the door. I stand in the entry awkwardly as he picks up his carry on and briefcase.

Amir pulls me into his arms one last time. Then, he leans forward places a gentle kiss on my forehead. He quietly whispers, "Asheghetam."

I feel tears glistening in my eyes, but I need to stay strong. In a quiet voice, I ask, "What does it mean?"

Amir starts to walk away but calls back to me. "You aren't ready to know. I'll tell you when you're ready. I not giving up on you.  This isn't over."