Suspended Butterfly

Chapter 9

I don’t know how long I had stayed curled up in Calum’s lap trying to calm myself down, before Luke walked through the door. Obviously his first thoughts weren’t the fact his sister was crying no instead it had to be who I spent the night with. Harry, he must be so confused for my sudden departure this morning or maybe he thought I regretted it all last night. It’s just as soon as I saw the texts I had to tell Luke or someone who knew all about Ashleigh, I’m happy it was Calum who I told though I don’t think I’d be able to look him in the eye if I told him that the girl he was so in love with was having such an effect on my life again.

“Where were you last night?” Luke’s first question when he walked through the hotel room door towards the lounge area where I was still cuddled into Calum’s lap hiding my face in his chest. Luke was followed in by Michael and Ashton who both looked confused as to why I was quite obviously sobbing.

Slowly I pulled away from Cal’s chest to face my brother that was now stood opposite me with his eyebrow quirked up in interest as if he was about to tell off a 5 year old. Before I could answer a voice came from the other side of the room.

“She was with me. She had trouble sleeping because of your snoring.” Both Calum and I turned to look at the source of the voice giving questioning glances.

“Oh right, well at least you weren’t with Harry.” Luke’s face softened as he turned his attention away from Michael back towards me. “Now, tell me why you’re crying?” he asked softer this time.

I turned away back into Cal’s chest as I remembered the last time I told him about Ashleigh and the look of complete disappointment that had swept across his face once the words had left my lips, I couldn’t do it again. “Just look at her phone.” Cal said softly as he passed my phone over whilst softly stroking my hair. After a few seconds I decided to take a peek at Luke’s reaction. As our eyes connected you could see everything; hurt, anger, protection, heartbreak, guilt, betrayal, more hurt. It was like at first his brotherly instinct kicked in as soon as his brain registered the texts, then he remembered who they were from, who she was to him and what she meant, that turned into guilt for feeling the way he does, before betrayal flooded through for who I am and finally just ending in hurt. I hate that it’s all because of me.

“How long?” he asked in a low turn looking directly at me.

“Nearly a year.” I whispered back, wanting more than anything to disappear.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he breathed out, as if him being thousands of miles away could have helped.

“How was I supposed to? For one thing you’re a thousand miles away and for another I saw what it did to you last time and I wasn’t going to cause it again!” I was more than upset now.

“I could’ve helped! I could’ve said something to her.” He argued back, “I could’ve stopped her. I told you last time that she wasn’t going to be a problem anymore, no matter what!”

“No matter what? What about how you still love her? How ever since you broke up because of me you’ve never smiled as much as you did before when you were with her?” I was off of Calum’s lap by this point, favouring instead to stand up to my much taller brother.

“That’s not the point! Plus you could’ve told me when you arrived at least!” He was losing his argument.

“Why? To ruin it for you again, being here on tour is probably the first time I’ve seen you genuinely smile since that night! No way was I going to do that to you again!” I wiped the few tears that had fallen from my cheeks before taking deep breaths to calm myself down.

“I just want to help” he whispered.

“I know you do, but you can’t.” I walked towards the door leaving him and the boys standing in the room.