Suspended Butterfly

Chapter 15

*Flashback*

“Hey want to hear something funny?” Ashton asked on the other end of the phone. I had had another nightmare about that night and immediately rang Ash at 4:30 in the morning, it was now 5:30 and he was desperately trying to cheer me up. I felt bad going to Ash whenever these nightmares happened but he was the only one that knew about that night. Even Luke didn’t know. I had asked Ash before if he ever minded that he was the one that I always turned to in times like these, he always just smiled, said ‘of course not’ and pulled me into a hug. That’s why I liked Ashton he never asked too many questions, always listened to me ranting away (even at 4:30am) and the thing I loved most he never interfered.

“Sure.” I whispered as I wiped the last remaining tears away from my face.

“Okay, so today at rehearsals we were mucking about as usual and then Michael came up to me saying that we needed to talk in private. So I was like okay, and we went outside. Then he said something about us spending all our time together and if we weren’t careful Luke would easily catch on that we’re dating each other.” He started giggling, “Michael thinks we’re dating! I mean of course I put him right!!” his giggling soon erupted into uncontrollable laughter.

“Oh.” His laughter stopped.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar. Come on Kayles tell me.”

“Would it really be that funny?” I asked, starting to get annoyed.

“What?”

“If we dated, would it be that funny?” I whispered

“Kayles…” he tried to reason.

“No forget it. I’m going to sleep now, bye.” I hung up the phone not even giving him a chance to reply.

I had been having these feelings for Ash for a while now and I always assumed that maybe he was starting to feel the same. I mean he always called me darling and sweetheart, not like the other two who only ever called me by my name or babes (if Luke wasn’t around) but it was always different with Ash.

After that night we didn’t talk that much, mainly because I couldn’t face the humiliation that I had basically just told one of my closest friends that I liked him. A week later whilst laying in bed, just staring at the ceiling, my phone buzzed. It was a text from the guy himself.

A: I miss you. x

K: I miss you too, just not the same way…

A: What if it was? X

K: We’re not doing this Ash. You made it clear last week that it wasn’t. I get it, its fine honestly.

A: I thought about it okay. How every day I would wait for your phone calls just so I could hear your voice, how I love being the person you turn to when you’re upset, how whenever something good or bad happens in my life you’re always the person I want to tell first because I know you’ll want to listen. Today something did happen though.

K: What happened? You ok?

A: You still care? Anyway Luke asked me about you today, said that we were getting close and then suddenly we’ve stopped talking. Said he’d kill me if I had hurt you, I reassured him that I wouldn’t but I’m scared I already have… x

K: Of course I still care! You haven’t hurt me. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said anything the other night and it’s not your fault if you don’t feel the same way. x

A: What Luke said made me think. About it all and I’ve realised that I do. When I said I missed you, it’s true because this past week I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. That night I couldn’t sleep, I just couldn’t understand how someone like you could want to be with someone like me and I basically haven’t slept since. Please believe me. x