Love Bites

LOVE BITES Chapter 13 : Tasting Red Part 1

Chapter 13: Tasting Red Part 1

I slipped lower into the steaming bath.

"Stupid Alastair," I mumbled into the sultry air.

The frown on my face could have given me wrinkles. How dare Alastair claim to be leaving. And leaving me at that.

Why did he suddenly spring this on me? And with what, an excuse where we relied too much on one another?

Stupid.

Damp hair clung to the sides of my face, draping over my bare shoulders and chest like a white blanket.

Yes, what he said might have been true. I was almost finished my last year of high school and with that things were inevitably bound to change. But I never once said, or thought at any moment, about separating myself from him.

He had never brought up the issue either. What changed?

I stared at my black toenails while thoughts chased themselves in a lap around my mind. They needed to be re-painted. Oh, and my legs looked as if they needed another shaving too. No, what I really needed was a full body grooming. Groaning, I sank even lower into the warm water until it touched my nose.

Being a girl was such a hassle.

So what's your plan now, Nikki? I asked myself.

I guess I never put that much thought into it, what I'd do after school I meant. I felt like Alastair and I would always go on this way; him being there whenever I needed him and me, in turn falling hopelessly and unconditionally in love with him.

But now what? Would I go to college? Get a job? The guess was as good as any.

I pulled my knees to my chest, ignoring the prickliness of my legs, and let my eyes fall shut. I let out a heavy sigh. How could I be so naive? I should have predicted this.

I'd been deluding myself. I was living a fantasy, a dream -- something that wasn't reality. Alastair and I couldn't remain together. Things were inevitably bound to change. It was just a matter of when.

How could I be so blind?

I was only thinking about myself. This whole time, it was just about me.

And the worst part was even as I said those cruel words to myself I still wanted it to be about me. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to be the only thing he saw, the only thing he wanted. Just me.

I'm the one who's really stupid.

Why did I have to want something so badly knowing I could never have it?

I remembered back to last night. After dinner, while we were driving home from that restaurant, Alastair said something I couldn't quite fathom. I was too angry to listen, too upset with the sudden news of him leaving to pay enough attention to anything else he had to say. But what I could remember had me confused. He said something along the lines of making sure I wouldn't regret anything. That in order for me to live a normal life, he couldn't get in the way.

What did that mean? It made no sense unless...

Like a stone thrown into a deep pool of water, my stomach fell. It made no sense unless what he was really trying to say was how much of an inconvenience I was.

Was I the one getting in his way? Was I the one stopping him from living the life he wanted? Now there were, even more, questions.

I'd always imagined a wall enclosed around me. It was built taller than anything I'd ever seen and made of some material that wasn't easily dismantled. It separated me from the rest of the world, the people I cared about. Even between Alastair that wall stood and it was just as high and difficult to climb as the rest of it.