Love Bites

LOVE BITES Chapter 24 : Guilty Conscience

A/N: above picture was the first cover made for this story, also designed by me... which is why it's not the cover now.

Chapter 24 : Guilty Conscience

Nikki's POV

The feeling of his firm lips on mine sent another wave of heat down my body. Groaning, I buried my face in my arms and wished for everything to end.

My face burned and my lips were numb; a cruel reminder of my culpability. Nails digging into the skin of my bicep, I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth and bit down hard hoping that the pain from that would shake the guilty memory clear from my mind and cease my body from quaking. But it continued to play on repeat in my mind, knocking my emotions off balance.

"Nikki..." I squeezed my eyes shut, crying out silently and curling further into myself. "Nikki, you idiot."

I was curled under the quilts, the mattress morphing my body's shape as I laid there in a foetus position, chin against my chest and face buried in my arms. The short supply of air inside the blankets was diminishing. The breaths I was exhaling were short and sharp and hot. I felt claustrophobic and wanted nothing more than to throw the heavy blanket back and feel the cool fresh air flood my lungs.

But I didn't deserve the pleasure of that. I didn't deserve anything after what I'd just done.

My body thrummed and my heart thumped wildly in my rib cage, almost breaking free from my chest. Every time I closed my eyes all I could see was him. He was the only person that truely mattered to me and now, after today, I knew that the bond we once shared was severed.

I just wanted to forget. I wanted to scrub what I'd done from not only my mind but from history itself.

Honestly, Nikki. A condescending voice sang in my mind. Just how long did you think you could control yourself?

The pressure behind my eyes increased. "I thought I was strong enough to hide what I felt."

It was going to happen sooner or later. You couldn't pretend forever.

"But he's my brother!" I argued, another wave of regret crashing down on me. "You don't understand. This is all my fault. I should have tried harder."

Now you can finally let him go.

I shook my head, biting my lip harder. "I can't. I don't want to. I love him too much."

Alastair didn't deserve that. He was the drunk and yet I was the one who acted like they had consumed all the alcohol. Embarrassment and guilt tainted my face in a wash of red. How could I ever face him again?

I couldn't. What was I supposed to say in excuse for my stupidity?

And what was even more sick was that no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, I couldn't sweep away the sinful desire to do it again. Or worse, go beyond and claim more than just a kiss.

Whenever I was with him, time would cease normality. I didn't have to think, I could just exist. And I wanted that, forever. But it was something I could never have. Why couldn't I just except that?