Viper

Pain of the Heart

Walking up the stairs into the hallway leading up to her room, David could hear the gloom filled lyrics of the teenage struggle anthem of Liz's generation. He walked up to her door and stopped. The loud music wailing as a warning to keep out. David hesitated as to which method he should use to disturb her self-imposed solitude.

"Should I knock, yell out her name, or just open the door?" he thought to himself in the moment. He moved in all three directions at once, causing him the moment of doubt. He reached for the door knob which was locked effectively eliminating one of the options.

"Well that answers that," David thought.

He took a long breath without noticing and knocked at the door. Knock knock

There was no reaction so he figured it was not heard. He tried again with a light knock. He didn't want to knock too hard should Liz think he was banging at her door and thoughtlessly disrupting her space. Still this second attempt failed to register a response as the music drowned it out as well. This second failed attempt prompted David to knock louder which still elicited no reaction from the other side of the door. David now annoyed at the unheeded calls, knocked on the door as hard as he cold and begun to yell out "Liz!"

This of course did receive a reaction.

"Jeez! What? Why don't you knock louder?" said Liz as she flung the door open.

"I've been knocking for ten minutes and I can't get your attention," David exaggerated on impulse from his pent up discomfort and frustration.

"What do you want? You got my attention now," said Liz indifferently.

David replied through the shock of her question, as if he needed a particular reason to approach her.

"I brought you lunch. Wanted to check up on you. You've been locked up in your room for days and I wanted to see how you were doing."

"Isn't this what you all wanted? Ya'll don't want me to go out with my friends because they're not good enough. You all wanted me to be here locked up in the house so there you go, I'm here in the house and you giving me a hard time about it?" she reasoned.

"Come on, that is not what we meant. You know that," David said finding himself arguing with the fifteen year old.

"Well, what difference is it now. You should be happy. I'm locked up in here like a prisoner, you can look and guard over me all day. You wanna come in and invade my privacy too?" she said, holding the door open for David to see.

"No I don't want to invade your privacy and nobody is asking for you to stay in your room all day locked up," he said finding it more and more difficult to stay composed during the conversation.

"Aren't you at least hungry? Do you want to eat?" he asked, aware she had not eaten.

Liz was hungry and had been waiting for the coast to be clear to sneak into the kitchen for a snack but her pride would not let her admit it to David.

"No, I'm not hungry."

"I brought you some food in case you were," said David presenting his offering, looking for somewhere to place it down.

"I don't want any," replied Liz.

Not finding a place to put it down, David placed the plate on the foot of the door.

"Psh, I'm not a dog! I'm not going to eat off the floor," Liz said vexed of the gesture.

"Fine," said David as he picked up the plate, walked into Liz's room and placed the plate down on her bed.

"Be careful!" she said, moving the plate off her clothes that were lying on the bed.

"Man, you don't respect anything."

"Well there's no place to it down," said David stating a fact.

"What are you trying to say? That I'm messy? Rude!" said Liz rolling her eyes and crossing her arms.

"So now you are insulting me," Liz continued.

"No, I'm not trying to insult you," said David as he felt being ran over in the exchange.

"You have anything else?" Liz stated.

David, dizzying form the impromptu sparing match, tried to keep Grams words in his mind.

"Yes, I want to know what's going on with you. I want to know about your life," he said bluntly, not really figuring out a delicate way to approach the situation and powering through it.

"That's none of your business. Why would you think I would talk to you about my life!" said Liz indignant at his assumption that she would talk about her life.

"Come on I'm trying to reach out here. I'm your brother, give me a break."

"Give you a break? You don't give me no breaks, nobody gives me any breaks. Why should I give you one then? And what does you being my brother have to do with anything. That hasn't gotten me nothing EVER! Why should that give you anything now? You only my brother by birth not by choice. If I was going to talk to anybody about my life, you would be the last person I would ever come too! I'd rather take my chances out there than come to you!" Liz said getting out all of the frustration and pent up anger she had and directed it with extreme prejudice at David.

For his part, David had finally had enough. He was not so much angry as he was hurt now.

"Fine! That's the way you want it, you got it! Forget I asked," David said as he stormed out of Liz's room.

"You want to go out and get wrapped up with those idiots fine by me. Once I'm gone you are more than welcome too. See if they give a damn about you!" he continued.

"Yes fine that's what I want! So go on and get out of here. Nobody is asking you to stay. They are more of a family to me than you'll ever be!" said Liz, looking for the most damning thing she could think of saying.

"You destroyed this family! You the reason mom was killed, why dad became a drunk and MY life is a mess. We're all better off if you'd never been born. You should have been killed instead of mom!" Liz finally got out what she had thought for years.

David held back every fiber of his being from retaliating with force or from screaming back at Liz, mainly because he too agreed with her. He was essentially shut down in this fight.

"Don't worry. I'm working on it. I'll be out here soon and you can do whatever you want with your life. But until then, just for Grams, I'll fake the big brother act, make your life miserable and keep you away from your 'friends'. After that, I promise you'll never see me again," said David with as much composure as he could.

"Don't make any promises you can't keep," replied Liz determined to get the last word.

David left as Liz shut the door in his face, the radio blasting at full force. He left shaking in anger. The music only taunting him, David slammed his door too almost breaking it off the hinges. In his solitude, David let his anger finally boil over and overtake him as he put his cast fist through the wall.

The words the sister he had adored as a boy, the sister who loved and devoted her younger self to him ringing true in his head. He longed for those miles and years he had put between him and this place once he was out of the academy and joined the military; trying to outrun this very realization that had so violently cracked through his life. He had destroyed his family and continued to bring bad luck to it. He wasn't needed, he wasn't wanted and he caused more trouble than he was worth. In the end, he deserved to be alone.

Liz too was left with her emotions running high. She had finally been able to get out all of her anger out on David and had what should have been a cathartic moment but she still felt torn. Now she even felt guilt for what she had said. It vexed her. Why should she feel bad for saying the truth? Everyone knew it, just nobody ever had the guts to say it. Then why did she feel so much worse than she had ever anticipated to. Her chest sunk and the pit of her stomach felt sick. She felt raw and hated this confusion.

This should not be. She should feel free, liberated. She had spoken her mind and no longer had to keep anything in. But she felt worse now than before. She hated David more now for making her feel this way. That night she cried herself to sleep.