Can't Escape

Chapter 8

Growing up without any siblings may be a dream for others, but for some its a reality which they dislike. A lot.
Life was boring as I was growing up, especially after losing the one woman whom I loved so dearly at such a young age. Although I don't remember much about my time with her or the moments that we shared, there was always that void inside of me that grew day by day since she left the world.

Once it was just Dad and I, we'd spent time together after School but not much; things always got in the way of our relationship and it was hard to see him sometimes. However, once he married again, I really couldn't come to terms with things. Everything was a blur to me; I remember arguing with him and begging him not to forget my Mum and leave her behind. I was only a child at the time and I didn't understand how lonely my Father actually felt. Thinking back, it must have hurt to lose such an important person in his life; a woman whom he grew up with and soon fell in love with. After re-marrying a different woman, I remember him looking more at ease but when I ponder upon his relationship with her, I can't help but think that he only married her to fill the void in his heart and give me a female figure in the house to grow up with. Without a doubt, I know that Dad was always incomplete without his other half and I was too, without the woman who gave birth to me through such pain and agony. It was never going to be the same without her in our lives but my Dad would always try to make me feel at home in some way.

However, through the years after he re-married, he became engrossed in his work life and new children. He was given a step son and also had another child of his own through his new marriage. I couldn't help but feel as if I was being thrown at the back, behind everyone and anyone; I was ignored by my Father due to his new family and lifestyle. I guess he had just forgotten that I needed him more than anything but he must have believed that I was growing up and I didn't need anyone to help me as I was growing up to become an 'independent woman'.

He failed to realise that a daughter will always need her Father.

After tucking my pendant underneath my top, I brush myself off and make my way out of my bedroom. My tummy rumbles due to the fact that I had forgotten to eat lunch and locked myself away in my room for way too long.

As I open the door, the sounds of laughter is heard from down the stairs and I feel my heart lurch at the melody. I purse my lips and walk closer towards the balcony of the stairs to lean against it, listening to the happy conversation that was taking place in the front room. Nafisah's giggles rise and her brother begins to snort at something which their Mother has just said or done.

I close my eyes and let the laughter run through my ears and I gently let my knees fall on to the carpet as I hold on to the railings. Leaning my forehead against it, I inhale a deep breath.

Nafisah screams at the top of her lungs in happiness as she protests about being tickled. Her brother mock bellows out some orders and her Mother laughs evilly.

A sad smile makes its way onto my lips as of hearing the sound of my little sister bursting into another fit of giggles; her laughter soaring through my heart as she plays with her family.

I can't help but feel like an outsider in my own home- the home in which I was raised. This house belongs to me yet the family who I decided to share it with seem to make me feel as if I don't belong.

I swallow the growing lump in my throat as my heart begins to feel heavy. I fight against myself to push back the feeling of unhappiness and try to gather myself up. Letting out a shaky sigh, I make my way back into my room, completing forgetting the fact that I was hungry.

As soon as I'm back inside, I close the door and lean against it, keeping the palms of my hands planted onto it. The laughter and chatter coming from downstairs fade into a muffle through the thick wooden door. I begin to try and calm myself down by breathing in and out, taking my time. My eyes slowly close and I'm surrounded by a blissful darkness.