That's Why I Love You

Chapter 18

Clarke

I couldn't sort through how I felt, and it made me feel even more helpless. Lexa deserved her justice. Bellamy deserved his freedom. And I...I didn't deserve either of them.

I leaned back against Lexa, her brown hair mingling with my blond. I smiled and closed my eyes, loving the way her arms felt around me, wrapping me up between them and her torso. I could see her smile once I leaned against her, and it melted my heart.

I was beginning to drift off when I heard a sharp whistle. I opened my eyes and looked around, but there didn't seem to be anything wrong. So I closed my eyes.

"Clarke." Lexa whispered harshly. My eyes snapped open and went to her. Her eyes were large and filled with fear--something that I had rarely seen. She looked down at me and tightened her arm around my waist protectively. Her eyes were darting around in the trees and I followed her gaze. There wasn't any wind today, and every once in a while I could see leaves rustling and a flash of movement.

"What is it?"

"It's my people." Lexa said. So thats why she was so scared. Apart from the Ice Nation, I had never heard of a planned attack on the Commander from her people. She looked to Bellamy to make sure he understood. He looked down at me and then back to Lexa. He nodded and stared at me with such an apologetic look it broke my heart. It was like he was saying goodbye, and that he was sorry for one last time. Just to make sure that I knew.

I sat up and Lexa kicked Astraeus, sending him off into the forest. I held onto Lexa's arms tightly to keep myself from falling off. She seemed to notice because she tightened her arms around me.

I looked back to see if Bellamy was still behind us.

He wasn't.

"Lexa." I said, grabbing her arm. "Bellamy."

Lexa looked over her shoulder and her face fell. She looked back to me and shook her head. I knew what that meant. We couldn't go back for him. I felt tears welling up in my eyes at the thought of the Ice Nation torturing him, especially if they knew he was part of the massacre. Lexa glanced down at me and closed her eyes, deep in thought.

Then she slowed Astraeus down a bit to where he was still galloping but not sprinting. Lexa swung her leg over and rolled off Astraeus as gracefully as she could have. Astraeus continued on, leaving Lexa behind. My heart stopped as I watched Lexa get up. She was going back.

"Don't come back." She yelled. And then she gave me a sad smile. And like Bellamy's gaze, I knew what that meant--goodbye. She took one last look at me before sliding out her swords and running in the opposite direction, disappearing.

I stared down at the ground blurring past me for a few minutes, still in shock. I wasn't going to let her risk her life to save someone who killed her people. I should be saving Bellamy, not Lexa. In fact, I didn't know if I even wanted Bellamy to be saved.

So I pulled up on Astraeus's reins and he stopped at a halt. I tugged on the reins and turned him around with some reluctance. And then, following Lexa's motion, kicked Astraeus, sending him back the way we came.

Lexa

The look in Clarke's eyes the second I jumped off Astraeus was the look she had the second I got shot. There was a very good chance I was going to die then, and there was an equal chance I was going to die now. But I had to try for Clarke.

I ran back through the forest quietly, looking for Bellamy and the horse. I scowled as twigs snapped underneath my feet and leaves crunched. I seemed to have lost my skills in tracking, but to be fair they hadn't been used much.