Wishing, Alois |√

5th Bloom

I keep on tearing the vast grass I'm sitting right now. Alois in the other hand, was sitting as well, and just patiently waiting for me to talk, while watching a football game on our campus field.

"Don't you want to say something?" Sa wakas ay pangbasag ko sa katahimikan.

"No.. I will wait for you to talk first." Saka siya lumingon sa gawi ko at mataman lang akong tinignan.

"Why?.." Tuloy parin akong nakayuko sa pagpigtis ng damo na para bang wala ng katapusan. Wari'y natatakot tingnan ang kung sino, at baka bubuhos na naman ang emosyon na kanina ko pa pinipigilan.

"Because I believe that consultants do advice, not confusing the minds of their clients. So my work is to wait, not to bug, and that's what I'm doing right now."

Natahimik ako ulit sa sinabi niyang 'yun, na para bang sumang-ayon din ang sariling utak sa sinabi niya.

"You know what Li, I was surprised that you only approach me with just a span of time.. Kailan ko lang ba sinabi 'yun? A week.. Yet, I'm glad your ready. And I'm glad you've finally choose help."

Sa sinabi niyang 'yun, di ko na rin mapigilang iangat ang aking ulo at tignan siya. And their I saw him, giving his sincere smile, while looking so proud on me.

Napaiwas ako ulit sa tingin niya saka binalik ang pwesto sa pagkayuko. I curl myself again as my arms went around my knee.

Ilang segundo kami natahimik ulit, hangang sa naglakas loob ulit akong magsalita. I take a deep breath as he patiently wait again.

"Have you tried creating your own story that even sharing it makes you contented?" Pagsisimula ko. And he patiently listened.

"Kasi ako hindi. I can't even see my own story ahead. 'Yung para bang, I became stagnant after my life went upside down.."

"What do you mean upside down Li?" sa wakas ay tanong na niya.

Napansandig ako sa punong nakatirik sa likod ko at saka tumingin sa kawalan.

"It was last year when my parents got separated. Obviously, my father chose the other over us. I mean it that I never been so close of my dad all my life, I never much feel a father-like figure on him. Kaya siguro mas pinili kong sa puder ni mama manatili. The thing is, I am their only child, so the pressure is all out to me."

"I was okay with our situation then, kasi kahit ako, nasasakal din sa kastriktuhan ng tatay ko, I was even the least who suggested my mother not to take him back, kasi minsan, naisip ko, okay naman kami na wala siya. Ayoko na din kasing nakikita ang mama ko na nasasaktan dahil sa kanya. I love my mom so much, better than him."

"Pero, alam mo 'yun.. Kahit di man kayo naging close, nararamdam mo parin na may kulang.. Na kahit papano, nakakamiss din pala na may tatay. Saka marealize mo nalang isang araw, your regretting ignoring your father just because you don't want to see your mother disappointed over you?.. Ganun ako."

"Alam mo bang napunta na sa puntong nagkasuhan na, at hangang ngayon, di parin matapos-tapos."

"Parang wala lang sa'kin 'yun, actually. Kasi itanggi ko man, alam ko sa sarili ko na ako rin 'yung tipong tao na walang pake, na kahit pagkatapos ng malaking problema, okay lang ang isasagot, even the fact says.. It was in me who has that problem too. That even myself don't know who I actually am. Not knowing what she really want and need to do."

"Until that time comes that my father contacted me unexpectedly. Tapos tinanong niya ko, Nak, okay lang ba sa'yo na magbalikan kami? Tapos sumagot naman ako na, Pa, love kita, kasi kahit balik-baliktarin man ang mundo, tatay parin naman kita. Pero kasi, nasaktan mo na si mama Pa, kaya sorry kung di ako makadesisyon para sa'yo, kasi kahit ako nasaktan mo na din."