philophobiaㅣjikook

1.7

you don't have to say i love you to say i love you.
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goldenkook: hey hyung.

jiminie: thats surprising.

goldenkook: what.

jiminie: you starting the conversation first.

jiminie: it was always me.

goldenkook: im sorry.

jiminie: dont be.

goldenkook: i really am.

jiminie: just forget about it.

goldenkook: are you upset with me now?

jiminie: no.

goldenkook: okay.

jiminie: what do you want.

goldenkook: im bored.

jiminie: sorry but its kinda not a good time for me to entertain your boredom.

goldenkook: you're busy?

jiminie: no im outside.

goldenkook: oh.

jiminie: gotta go jungkook, tae's being fucking whiny.

goldenkook: bye hyung.

ㅣseenㅣ

jungkook slumps in his bed, clenching his jaw as he throws his phone. if only he was taehyung, he would be the one spending time with jimin, making him happy, painting a saccharine smile on the older's lips. if only he got braver and fought through his stupid phobia, he would be the one jimin would pay attention, would be the only one jimin would be attentive to.

jungkook brought his legs up to his chest, covering his face with his hands.

-

when the next chemistry practical lesson happens, jungkook was paired with jimin and jungkook knows he's going to make a fool of himself because, who the hell even came up with this subject? jungkook needs a break.

it's awkward to say the least, but they make small conversations at times, on which liquid to put in or who's going to tabulate the results and who works on the actual thing. they were going to practice titration and jimin wanted to work on it because as he told jungkook, he is the older one, so jungkook doesn't have to get hurt.

jungkook pretends to collect test tubes so that the brown haired doesn't see the flames colouring his cheeks which could be darker than an acidic solution.

when the younger gets back to their table, jimin has already started to neutralise sodium hydroxide with hydrochloric acid, being careful as he finishes up and steps back, only to bump into the younger, the tube in his hand dropping to floor, shattering in pieces. jungkook squeezes his eyes shut as jimin curses under his breath, the teacher rushing to the table.

"i am so sorry hyung" he starts to panic, mr. kim assuring them that it's alright, asking them to clean it up before anyone gets hurt, going back to the front to take the trash can.

in that moment, jungkook just crouches down to start picking up the pieces of glass, hearing taehyung's obnoxious voice in the background, asking whether jimin is fine before he hisses, almost too loudly that jimin turns immediately, scolding him for using his bare hands to pick up the glass in a light tone.

"god jeon, why are you so careless?" but jungkook can hear it, that little worry hidden in his voice.

he takes jungkook's hand and brings him to the sink, running his finger the water to wash out the blood while jimin takes a plaster from the first aid kit and jungkook can see taehyung watching, his eyes showing disinterest and jealousy as his boyfriend tends to the younger so carefully, as if jungkook had more damage other than that tiny prick.

taehyung rolls his eyes and saunters back to his table when he sees jungkook biting his lips, crimson red painted on his face as jimin places the plaster for him and then cleans the glass eventhough it's jungkook's fault but the older protests when jungkook wanted to help.

after their successful practical, jimin doing most of the job that they managed to obtain sodium chloride crystals, being fastest among the class, jungkook thanks the older and jimin just smiles warmly at him, jungkook's stomach bursting into a herd of butterflies.

they spent time together during break, the first time after their little misunderstandings and heartbreaks, jimin finding an excuse to escape from his boyfriend so that he can go up to the rooftop, just like before.

"hey" jimin sits next to the younger, this time putting an amount of space between them that it almost feels awkward because they used to sit so close next to each other. but incidents changes people and you can't blame jimin.

"how are you?" jungkook asks, afternoon sky giving a beautiful hue as the wind bristles softly.

"alright i guess, except for taehyung's constant bickering" jimin laughs softly, looking up at the sky.

"do you. . .do you like him that much? you guys are together right?" jungkook masks his expressions, fiddling with his fingers.

"i- what kind of question is that? i mean i wouldn't be with him if i don't-"

"i have philophobia" he finally breathes out, closing his eyes.

jimin turns his head to look at the other, how vulnerable he looks eventhough his face shows no expression. it takes a while for jimin to sink it in, realizing why the younger got so afraid when they're too close.

"oh" it was the only thing jimin could let out as he looks away, licking his lips.

"why are you telling-"

"i know i've given you so much pain and i know you're happy now because you have taehyung but i just have to let you know. i didn't purposely try to hurt you, i didn't mean anything i said when you told me you liked me, i didn't intentionally step away everytime you make a move, or even i myself made a move, i didn't do it on purpose jimin hyung but i just, this thing, this phobia, the feeling and anxiety i get washes up to the surface everytime i try and it made me back out at the last minute and i hate myself because i have hurt you so much and i wish i didn't have this in myself because it really sucks" jungkook knows he's crying, his walls breaking down the moment he starts talking and letting out everything he's been bottling up for jimin to know. and he needs jimin to understand, he needs jimin to know he's sorry.

he feels movement beside him and the next thing he knows, jimin's right beside him, wiping his tears as he sniffs softly, wiping his tears away harshly.

"jungkook, look at me" the latter looks up and jimin's heart tugs painfully at the crestfallen look on the other's face, his cheeks puffy and his eyes red.

"what are you trying to tell me jungkook?" he sees jungkook closing his eyes as he turns his head from jimin's hold, saying the words in a whisper but jimin caught it and he turns stoic as the hand that was holding the younger's face fell,

"i have fallen for you, jimin hyung"

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i forgot when i last updated this wow im such a bad person but i love you guys remember that hahahah ♡