Twisted Life

Burning House

Nightmare after nightmare, I saw him die. The one I loved before you. The song made me fear losing him to the grip of Death. I saw the horrors in my sleep and they would stick with me throughout the day, lurking in the back of my mind.

But now, I see something else in my nightmares... something much, MUCH worse.

I see you taken by Death, consumed by fire, but not in the same way. I see Death claiming you as his own but instead of it occurring by chance... I had signed you away. In this newest nightmare, the loyalty to me that you state daily brings about your downfall.

I am broken inside, and this you know. I cannot bear my own mind many days and it is torture to listen to my own thoughts. You know I have attempted to sign myself over to death, you know I cause myself pain.

But what if one day, in an attempt to harm just myself... I damaged you too?

In my nightmare what I see is myself, lost in desperation, alone in a house, attempting to allow myself to be consumed by the hot embrace of the fire I started. I also see you rushing in, unable to undo the bonds I placed upon myself to prevent my cowardly natures from causing me to run.

Despite your protests and reassurances, my belief that I do not deserve to live any longer could not be swayed.

My pleading for you to leave was unheard, it fell on deaf ears as you held me tight, tears flowing freely down both of our faces. You would not leave my side. Because of me, unless help came, you would die.

When the flames first reached me, I could not even feel their fiery touch. All I felt was the regret for the pain I caused you, and your arms tightly around me. Over the crackling of the fire, I heard you promising everything would be fine.

But how could it be? Fragmented, broken inside, I had destroyed both of us. We would both die. You didn't deserve this; you deserved someone whole and beautiful who wouldn't hurt you the way I was doing.

As my conscious began to fade, I heard you yelling to me. You needed me, you said. I had to stay with you. I could hear both emotional and physical pain in your voice. The fire had touched you as well... And just before the world went black in my eyes, I heard approaching sirens and prayed that you would live and be happy.

The nightmare ends there so I can only assume that I do not survive. I hate that I would imagine something so horrible, but yet realistic. I can only hope this does not actually occur, otherwise our love will be my greatest regret. I cannot put you through that pain...

Cora Theresa