Let's Go For A Pint (Vampire/Humor)

2.2 Attempt Number 1

It was nearing Easter break and, as usual, a pro-life group decided to spread their message to everyone in the quad. Of course the quad is a place for free speech and the pro-lifer's natural enemy had to stage a counterprotest. Carmen and I had planned to eat lunch together. Instead, we stood next to the crowd of pro-choice supporters. While neither of us picked a side, the event proved educational for her.

"So vampires can give birth as well? All this time I thought it was easily spread like an STD."

"Well, if it was like that easy, there'd be more of us, and you'd already be one from the times you were bit. None of this waiting to see if someone turns after a couple of minutes to hours, or waiting years until you're ready to have a baby. Lucky guys can bypass all that."

Carmen nodded. "Fair enough. Anyway, wouldn't it take twelve years for the baby to pop out considering the aging part?"

"The immortality thing doesn't affect gestational period. Also, I hear a female vampire's weak during pregnancy so turning someone is preferable."

We watched the crowd as the chants became louder and campus police got involved. Just as I was about to unwrap a black sausage sandwich Carmen had another question.

"Do vampires ever debate abortion? Or is it even an issue?"

I placed my sandwich back in my bag. "Like I said, most females prefer turning. There is an issue with killing the one you turned regardless of who did it."

"How long after? Weeks after?"

"More like months after. If you're going to contribute to the world domi — population, you have to make your rozhba follow the straight and narrow."

"Your what?"

"I don't know what to call them, They're your child in a way."

"Oh. I was thinking of a fancier term like progeny." She stepped to the side to allow a pro-choice protester to join the crowd. "So, they start off as all cute and innocent and then become a terrible toddler? Humans and vampires aren't so different."

"At least your terrible toddlers don't go off on a killing spree. It's during those, 'toddler years' as a newly turned vampire when 'abortions' happen. The older population — no it's not just the older population. It's mostly everyone I know doesn't support abortion as it's wasting gifts given to humans. That and the fact vampires are dying out. Please don't mention that last part to anyone." That goes for you too.

"Gotcha. So, shall we head off to lunch?"

"Let's go!"

And as we were about to leave, Max showed up. What timing!

"Carmen! And, eum ..."

"Lena."

While he had forgotten my name, he surely didn't forget to bring a giant rosary. The cross was the size of a human hand, provided one had a large hand. Also complementing his goth attire were cross earrings, more cross necklaces, and cross patches on his coat. There were other religious symbols like a Star of David and a fish in the shape of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but the crosses were the attention grabbers.

"Right, Lena. There's a free speech rally today. What cause are you supporting?"

"We be supporting the pro-life group," Carmen said with a tone of sarcasm, "because the world needs more idiots like you."

Suddenly, one of the pro-choice supporters spotted Max. "You should be ashamed!" The woman hawked. "It's a woman's right to choose!"

"Let's get him!" another protester hawked.

"We'll be going now." Carmen grabbed my arm and dragged me with her. Once away from the deafening crowd, she asked, "Aren't you afraid of crosses or anything of religious nature?"

I rolled up my sleeves one at a time to show her that my arms weren't on fire or had any cross-shaped burns.

"So crosses—"

"Don't do shit unless someone properly puts on a magic charm. Belief in a god isn't enough to harm a vampire. Besides, one of my distant relatives is an Orthodox priest. Or was, I haven't seen him in a while."

"If there's anything scary about Max," Carmen said as she sat down, "it's his outfit. If I still dressed like my teenage self, I'd have gone with a smaller rosary and not overpower my outfit with so many crosses."

Considering how Carmen dressed in bright colours I wouldn't have suspected her to dress like a goth. Then again, I did have my own phase of it in the 80's.

"Definitely," I agreed with her. I, too, sat down across from her and pulled out my sandwich. "Finally! Lunch!"

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I hope this wasn't too heavy of a topic. Anyway this episode is brought to you by blood sausage, which is an actual thing. Yep, humans sometimes consume blood, even though it's not the human kind. 

So if you made it this far, that's awesome :) You know the drill: vote, add, comment, share. We'll see if Max will find out what makes Lena tick.

Edited: 16/09/2017

Song featured: "One Way or Another" by Blondie