Let's Go For A Pint (Vampire/Humor)

6.0 Team What Now?

No tavern is a tavern without at least one fight breaking out. It can happen as often as every night or, occasionally when someone gets too rowdy. Tonight's fight is brought to you by the movies Twilight and Underworld. Yep, it's a real vampire vs. werewolf battle slash bar fight. I never get tired of wolves dog-piling on each other every time they fail to strike their opponents. They may have the strength, but we got the speed and—is that mug flying towards me?

I dodge the mug mere seconds before it can hit me. "Watch where you're throwing shit! I'm narrating here!"

"We know! It's why we want you to give the play-by-play!" the patron who threw the mug said from wherever he was in the crowd.

Sigh.

The fight isn't over some unexplained reason vampires and werewolves are immortal enemies. Something to do with us enslaving werewolves? Hell, there were instances when they enslaved us. At least that's what my history lessons taught me. This fight comes courtesy of Social Justice Werewolf and Male Rights Advocate vampire.

From my perspective, both weren't sober. Social Justice Werewolf got offended by a conversation Male Rights Advocate Vampire was having about his ex-wife. He and his ex are in a custody battle over their kids, and neither one wants to raise the kids in each other's culture. I wouldn't use the word culture, but that was the Vampire quoting his ex. Anyway, in this case I'd side with him. Not because I support him, but I'm more concerned for the ex. The older kid could end up killing his mom and younger sibling, or mom might assume kid dies during the transition period. I shouldn't stick my nose into these conversations and issues, but that should go for Social Justice Werewolf too. What started out as disagreeing opinions turned into bone-cracking, bloody chaos, good fun.

A wolf howls in an apparent victory, but a vampire sneak up and kicks her out of the circle. The crowd dispersed enough to let her slide through.

"That's the spirit, Lena!" Mug Thrower, whatever he looks like, says while giving a thumbs up. I'd narrow my eyes at him, but at whom would I be glaring?

Where was I?

Werewolves, or shapeshifters of any animal, are often the enemies of vampires. The same goes for witches as most have a connection to them, especially if they're cursed. Hell, we all have had spats with each other over territory to who the fuck stole my goat? And why should I focus on the bitter rivalry between supernaturals when we can be friends? James and Talia are witches, but you already know that.

I of course have friends back in the Kingdom. I don't really keep in touch because of hiding from he who must not be mentioned. One of my best friends I love to hate is Zenia. Before we transitioned, we would do your classic bff things together like braiding each other's hair, talking about boys, and fighting with the clique better than us. Okay, the last one may not be true, but we'd got into plenty of trouble.

That all changed when I transitioned first. Extreme mood swings kicked in, and I had clan responsibilities dumped on me. There were social expectations too, but I managed to keep activities I shouldn't do hidden. I'd sneak out of seduction training to watch the guys train how to hunt. As for Zenia, her mood changed more than mine. She had more of the "be seen not heard" social restrictions despite being the eighteenth-century equivalent of a party animal. I'm from clan nobility and her clan imposed restrictions meant for those in one like mine.

Anyway, years passed, and we saw each other intermittently, mostly when I make my trips to Europe. After each encounter, she became more evil bitch and I avoid her whenever she's around. The last time we met she wasn't so much of a bitch, and I have her boyfriend to congratulate for that. Her boyfriend happens to be a werewolf.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Talia is standing on the bar with Bartender next to her. He had fired a gun to draw the attention of the wolves and vampires who are fighting.

"This is an announcement for everyone! And I mean everyone!" Talia takes another deep breath and continues, "My tavern is a safe space for everyone and everything! While I don't mind the occasional fight, I do not allow fights where a bystander gets injured."

Social Justice Werewolf reverts to her human form as do the rest of the werewolves involved in the fight. "Safe space? How can you allow a safe space when you have a man flashing his patriarchy dick?"

Talia doesn't answer immediately, but a voice coming from behind the crowd says, "Has anyone seen my leg? I can't bloody walk with one leg."

"My rules are clear. You don't abide with my rules—"

"You're just as bad as them!" Social Justice Werewolf throws her hands up and walks out of the bar naked.

"She'll be back alright," Talia says as she and the bartender step off the bar. "She has to pay bar tab."

The crowd dissipates and James is on the floor. "Has anyone seen my fucking leg? Anyone?"

I stand up from my seat and look upward to where his leg landed. I wonder how it ended up in the rafters.

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Vampires and werewolves, it always has to be them battling each other. Not always as you have vampire and hunter. So the interactive question for the opener is her is: Are you a fan of vampires or werewolves? Why are <your pick> better? Sexiness doesn't count as an answer. Looking for strengths and weaknesses here. If you don't like either groups, what supernatural creature (humanoid or not) is best? Again, sexiness doesn't count.

Song featured: "Not A Crime" By Gogol Bordello

Edited: 26/09/2018