Let's Go For A Pint (Vampire/Humor)

5.3 A New Familiar

So that spell I used on Draven ended up as a onetime use. In those three years I reused it he'd been pretending it worked. You'd think ghosts would be stupid because maggots and whatever lives underground ate away their brains. Zombies, not always the kind portrayed in the horror films, have brains and physical bodies, but they're essentially dumb. Ghosts, no guts and all, are able to function at the level of a mad genius.

"That's nae the only reason ye should take Draven on as yer familiar," James explained as he plastered a poster next to the kiosk. "Other than a ghost's high intelligence, they're easy to communicate with, provided they speak yer language. They also kennae be destroyed unless someone guides them to the other side."

"Not convincing enough. I don't need a familiar. I can get my own food and take care of myself." I leaned against the wall and added, "What I need is a stronger spell."

James picked up another poster. "Then ye create something yerself. I can lend ye one of my books to help ye get started."

I raised my right hand."You're forgetting that I lack the ability to create spells. Best I can do is read them, or get someone who can read them for me."

"Well, ye should live with the consequences of yer actions." James plastered the final poster onto the wall then continued. "Aye, I've lived with mine for the past fourteen years."

"You've lived with the fact that you got in a car one day and lost your legs, and you've been branded as a da–"

"I would love to be your familiar!" Perfect timing Draven. Perfect timing.

James turned around and stared at where Draven was floating. "Funny, I thought my brushes with death would help me see him. Is he inside the shop?"

He was right. Draven had appeared behind the order window and he was sticking his head out. Just as he stuck out his head, his wig fell off, revealing a head full of brown, curly hair. "Oh shoot!"

"You can't see him, but can hear him?" I asked, tilting my head slightly to the right

"Having second sight and clairvoyance is an extra gift besides being able to control magic itself." James took one of the small flyers and folded it into the shape of a ram. At the same time, Ramsay appeared, and it picked up the ghost wig. "Unfortunately, I'm only limited to familiar animal spirits and death reapers if they come for me."

"No, don't eat it!" Draven whined as he pushed himself through the window.

James looked down at Ramsay and scolded it. "Divnae ah feed y'enough?"

Draven pushed himself to the point where he phased through the kiosk too fast, lost his balance and landed on top of Ramsay. "Oof!" He let out when he landed. He grabbed onto his wig, playing tug-o-war to retrieve it. Once he did, he removed himself from Ramsay and brushed his chest area."Please, allow me to be your familiar, Mistress."

James did his best to stifle a laugh, but he gave in. "Mistress? What kind of relationship did ye hae with this lad?"

"Believe me, an S and M type of relationship would be more than a gift for him," I said adding in an eye roll. "He was a fanboy the day I met him."

"Give him a chance, Lena. If ye still find him annoying by the end of the week, I'll help ye with that spell."

James put a hand on my shoulder and gave it two light taps. He had a point. I could observe Draven to see if he's familiar-worthy material. No harm in finding if he's useful.

"Okay, before I make you my ..." I swallowed my spit then continued, "familiar, what can you do for me?" I hated how that word rolled off my tongue when I said it. Familiar. I wanted to vomit.

"Well," Draven started off by putting his wig on, "I can help you find something to eat—,"

"I like hunting for my own meals," I pointed out.

He ruffled his fake hair as he thought of what else he could offer me. Once his face beamed, he said, "I can make sure no one disturbs you while you sleep. If you need silence—"

"I've invested in earplugs, especially ones that block annoying ghosts who won't leave me alone."

The moment I turned around to leave, Draven teleported or used his ghost speed—I don't give a fuck, and made a final offer. "Your roommate, Carmen, right? I can help her."

I tilted my head backwards as I narrowed my eyes. "Help her how? She's not her annoying, cheerful self and has been drinking, a lot."

"Look, I understand that you don't want me around." He removed his wig and clutched it against his chest. "The thing is I can't cross over because, well, you killed me. I suppose if you help me by granting this request, I'll be out of your hair in no time."

Unfinished business: the most common reason for not crossing over. A sweet offer, but he could be playing a trick on me as he did just two days earlier. I wanted him, the louse, out of my hair as the saying goes."You have one whole week to improve things. I don't expect you to fix everything, but at least steer it in a direction I want to go. You make my life miserable and I get Jimi here to perform an exorcism. You fix my living situation and I'm willing to negotiate. Do you accept these terms?"

"Fuck yeah!" Draven exclaimed as he jumped, well what appeared to be jumping since ghosts' feet never touch the ground. He then somehow realized making a deal was a formal thing, so he stopped jumping. He did a little bow and answered, "I accept these terms."

James chuckled. "That wasnae so bad, was it?"

If only it turned out that way.

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So Lena would rather do things on her own, but that doesn't mean she hasn't had help from others in the past. She's asked for witches to help with magic spells and charms. She's also asked help from others for things that may affect stuff in the future that I haven't posted here yet.

Interactive question: would you like to have some sort of familiar as a helper? If yes, then describe that familiar and what they would do for you. If no, why wouldn't having a familiar benefit anything

You know the drill by now. Comments are definitely appreciated.

Song featured: "Obsession" by Animotion

edited: 05/07/2018