Let's Go For A Pint (Vampire/Humor)

3.4 In The Meantime

This part of the episode contains drug use and some minor sexual references. Possible triggers for anyone who has had someone who's a bit too clingy.

Vampires are territorial. The definition of territory can be quite vague depending on who you ask. Some claim the whole planet is theirs, but those who do are locked up in a padded cell somewhere. Most clans claim territory spanning two or three countries on a continent. This becomes a problem if those countries are at perpetual war with each other or deal with an unrecognized nationality. In James' case with his ex Li Meng, his penis was basically her territory and only she was allowed on or near it.

"So this happened a few years back when my cousin was visiting." He took a puff of his blunt then continued, "I treated her for lunch and somehow Li Meng found us. The bitch transformed into controlling insecure girlfriend and scared my cousin. I mean she, my cousin, was thirteen at the time but she's emotionally sensitive."

"And she preferred that any time you spent with any girl, no matter what the age, it should be time spent with her?" I took the blunt, puffed it, and passed it on to Carmen.

"It wasn't just girls or other women. Men too. My business soured a bit because, as ye said, any time I spent with other people should be with her. I swear she was preparing me to be her sex slave or something."

Carmen tapped off some ashes from the blunt. "You've been into the kink stuff since high school. I'd thought you'd appreciate something like that."

"Hey, I get enough flack from witch culture just for my sex. Sure I was taught to respect all genders and sexes, heavily focused on the woman, but I have my kinks. Femdom isn't one of them."

"And then there are your legs," I brought up.

"I get enough with my legs too. I can still connect with the Earth and cast spells — tracking, luck boosting, protection, even curse someone." He turned to Carmen and said, "See, it's not just drugs I sell."

"So, was it cancer? Land mine?" Eaten by a shark? How else could someone lose both legs?

"How I lost my legs? Car accident. I should be confined to a wheelchair. Even if my coven hates me, I still have a family who cares."

I didn't know someone could lose their legs in a car accident. Paralysis was one but losing both legs below the knee completely may have been something else. Damage beyond repair maybe, but any more speculation and I'll go off track. "I see. I thought you'd lost them and had been branded as a da—"

"So, Carmen, this friend of yers," he interrupted, changing the subject, "shouldn't he be here soon?"

Carmen fished for her phone and checked to see if Max called. "He hasn't sent any texts or left any messages. He should be fine. It's a good thing you don't have neighbours on your floor, considering what we've been talking about."

"No worries. Charms on the walls." He started to roll another blunt and about halfway though he asked, "So, can ye ask this friend of yers to bring some pizza? Other than seeing my wallpaper dance I have this craving for an extra large veggie deluxe."

Both Carmen and I stared at him the moment he mentioned Max and pizza in the same sentence.

"Is there something I'm missing out on?"

Carmen and I exchanged glances briefly. She gestured to me as if she wanted me to explain. At the same time I gestured to her to explain what happened. In the end we both spoke two different things simultaneously.

"He ruined good pizza," I explained.

"He's too broke to get us pizza," Carmen said over my explanation.