Let's Go For A Pint (Vampire/Humor)

Episode 4 Bonus: A Walk in the Park

This takes place some time after the events of Episode 4, but some time before the opener (4.0).

"That's it? That's the end of your story?" Preeti asked with her eyes narrowed. Even her tiger wasn't amused by my story.

"Dr. Black wanted to press the charges, but Alice convinced her not to." I swirled my glass and took a sip of my A neg B pos cocktail. "They compromised on something, so I've heard."

"I was expecting you to fight them." She gave her steed- no wait that's for horses- Whatever the word is for a feline mode of transportation, a pat on the head. "Homayun and I dated once, but he's touched in the head."

"In my opinion, the ending was hilarious," Constance, a ghost sporting a Victorian London-era dress, said as she collapsed her fan. "You'd expect a fight to happen, but they come here for a drink."

"I'm sure someone cultured as you are knows what an anticlimax is," Preeti said with an eye-roll, "and why it's bad."

"I don't mind an anticlimactic ending to things. In fact, they're a great literary device."

"They're a huge disappointment is what she's saying," Pirate ghost added in while simultaneously making himself visible. "If ya wan' ta hear a starry with a good climax --"

"Ugh, please no," Constance said with her nose scrunched. "Yours always end up on how you shagged some dollymop you thought was a mermaid."

And to think my stories are anticlimactic, his are too but worse. Anyway, as they were deep in their argument on whether stories should be told with anticlimactic endings, I eased myself out of the Tavern and headed back to the apartment.

Talia's isn't the ideal place for Carmen to be in her state, and Talia herself nearly banned her for having one too many. While I wanted to support her, I have my own wants and needs than to be on suicide watch. So I swapped out her vodka with a sleeping potion. Given her resistance to the House Special, I couldn't rely on it to last more than three hours.

With my super speed, I figured the fastest way to get back before she woke up was through a park two kilometres away. Yep, it was a clear path ahead of me from the Tavern to the apartment, but I misjudged that. The moment I set foot into the park, technically halfway in, I crashed into someone. Now if it were something, it wouldn't take a tumble along with me and I'd be flying into a lamppost. Instead, I landed on top of someone wearing a brown jumpsuit issued by the department of corrections. Going at the speed I was, my whole body stung like a motherfucker.

"Sasha, how many times has Homayun told you to not smoke weed on breaks?"

I rolled off and onto my back. Turning my head to the left I spotted a familiar blond push himself onto his knees. After I sat up, I saw Homayun sitting on a nearby bench.

"You're not supposed to smoke any while we're doing our community service hours." Gerald approached me and stuck his hand out. "And you, miss, should watch how fast you're going."

I took his hand and slowly got to my feet. Sasha next to me muttered expletives as he too stood up.

"What kind of hurry are you in that you need to run like that purple bird? Is a coyote chasing you?"

I glanced at Gerald, then averted my gaze. "I slipped Carmen a sleeping potion and I fear it's not enough to last eight hours."

"How long have you been away from flat?" Sasha asked while ruffling his hair.

"I wasn't counting the hours, but at least as long as it takes for me to tell the story of how we met you guys." I pointed at each of them and noticed one was missing. "Where's Ariel?"

"Him?" Gerald scoffed. "He told our parole officer he needs Friday nights off because he observes the Sabbath. For the past sixty odd years we've been together he's been using that excuse to avoid tasks he doesn't like."

"It's his fault if he breaks the agreement." Sasha picked up a half-filled garbage bag and the claw stick. "I'm allowed weed as I need it for medicinal purposes. If Ariel's caught he's getting tossed in jail."

"Homayun calls bullshit." He snuffed his cigarette butt and too grabbed his bag and stick. "Homayun told Vonner he uses it for medicinal purposes and he said no."

"That's because your evil half is no longer a live wire." Sasha picked up a coffee cup and dropped it in his bag. "Mine is, and the weed keeps him at bay. I have the prescription to prove it and don't need to mesmerize the parole officer."

"You know you can take it as an edible, right?" I said furrowing my brow. "Or drain someone who has the drugs in their system."

The guys mumbled some words among each other. Not sure if they didn't realize it or weren't comfortable with edibles. For a group of experience drug users you'd think they know the best substances that get you high.

Considering how I haven't seen them since they turned themselves in, I had to ask, "Did Vonner cut you a deal?"

The trio whipped their heads towards me as if I said something rude. They returned to muttering again until Gerald stepped forward.

"The women ID'ed us, and we were originally set to serve jail time. Alice, the one with the vitiligo, agreed to drop the assault charges if we become her guinea pigs. We'd be doing the humans and the other vampires a service by making sure whatever her company creates doesn't affect them as it did with us."

"Didn't Dr. Black drop the charges too?" Would I forgive my assaulter if I were in the same situation? Not that easily, though I love Alice's plan of secretly torturing them.

"Her?" Gerald scratched the back of his head. "She wanted us to serve time, even if it lasted less than a year. Vonner to our surprise agreed with the sentencing but only for five months. The reason you're seeing us out here is through the Dracluarians and their lobbying."

"The women were unfortunate victims of a vampire feeding and thus no crime happened," Sasha added in. "Their words not mine."

Knowing Vonner he wouldn't let them walk free. Instead of five months in jail they got five months doing community service.

"Nice meeting you again." Gerald grabbed his stick which was leaning against the trash bin. "What was your name again?"

"It's Lena. I never gave it to you."

He smiled. "We should keep in touch. You're a friend of Jimi's, so that makes you and whatever that other girl's name is my friend." And before he could go and collect more garbage, he yelled at Homayun and Sasha, "That's enough!"

"This section of the park is Homayun's!" He held his stick up as he fenced with Sasha.

"It's wide enough for the both of us and we can clean the park faster!" Sasha yelled back as he parried Homayun's attack.

I have no idea how the stoners tolerate each other, but if James were there that night, he might've solve their problems. He is their dealer and could spit some rhymes to make them shut up. Or introduce them to a new drug. I'm glad my spats with Carmen are over, at least of now.

Anyway, after I left the park, I spotted the devil himself. James was pressed against a car as a female police officer frisked him. The other officer present I swore looked like a kid in high school. Even dressed like one too with the low-hanging jeans, loose shirt and a backpack strapped onto one shoulder. He may have been older, but he was definitely shorter than both James and the female officer.

"I'm nae here to deal drugs to them," James said as he slowly moved his head up and down. "Naebody told me they were here."

"We believe you, Mr. Walton," the kid officer spoke with a weird accent that was a mix of Slavic and possibly Chinese. To be quite honest, I couldn't place his accent. "However, it's standard procedure we do a search. Now, may you remove your legs so we can search them?"

James uttered some words in Chinese as he propped himself onto the boot of the car. I could watch him all night getting humiliated, but I had to return to Carmen. With my deadly ninja skills, I whooshed away and headed back to the apartment.