Fate Fixes Tori & Jade - A Victorious Fanfic (Jori)

Monster - (Jade's POV)

I cannot believe that Tori did that. The worst part is that she didn't even do it for me, she did it for Beck. I also can't believe that Beck was scared of me. He was actually afraid of me. After our two year long relationship, you'd think he would be able to trust me when I tell him he can date whoever he wants without me getting mad. We broke up for a reason, and that's because we just didn't work. I didn't realize that him being afraid of me played any part of it. I guess it did.

I sit in my den and watch my favorite movie, The Scissoring, and eat some mucus colored soup. God, I hate that. It looks so unappealing, but it tastes so good. Why can't they make soup look more attractive? Seriously, it looks like an actual sinus infection. Oh well. During the movie I find myself thinking about my sexuality again. Damnit. I've told myself dozens of times that I'm straight, so why can't that just get through to my brain for once?

Yeah, so I might find some females attractive in a seductive manner and might sometimes catch myself staring at them longer than I probably should. However, at the same time I find myself staring at hot guys that are also totally seductive looking. Lately I've been finding myself looking more and more at girls than I ever have before, but maybe that's because I was in a serious relationship. Once Beck and I broke up, it was like a barrier broke down and all the thoughts that had been locked behind it started flooding back again. This was one I didn't miss thinking about. Yeah, I've always looked at both girls and guys, but I never actually noticed until we broke up. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Am I bisexual? Am I straight and am just going through a weird phase? I have no idea.

Another thing I don't understand is why I've been getting along with Tori and enjoying her company. I keep finding that I miss her a lot, even right now. I'm trying to be mad at her for what she did, but I just... I can't stay mad at her. Every time I see her face in my head, I just stop feeling upset. She brings out the sensitivity in me that I hide every single day. Maybe I... Jade, don't think it. Maybe I like... No, stop it! Maybe I have feelings for her. God damnit, Jade!  No. Of all the people in the world, I most certainly do not, cannot, and will not ever like Tori Vega like that. Ever.

Interrupting my thoughts and snapping me back into reality, is a sudden knock at my front door. Groaning, I pause the movie I wasn't really watching, and put down the soup I wasn't really eating. I wipe my face since I was crying earlier and have stained mascara under my eyes, and go open the door. Of course. Tori Vega. Great.

"What do you want, Vega?" In the moment, I make myself forget that I'm not actually mad at her. I can't let it show that I'm starting to become weak. I just have to keep being the same, mean-spirited Jade West that I am.

"Jade, I am so, so sorry. I just wanted to do something nice for you and-"

"No, you didn't do this for me. You did this for Beck, and you know it." I harshly spit words out of my mouth. What I'm saying is the truth, and I actually am mad about it. I never said I wasn't mad at what she did and the reasons behind it. I'm furious about the situation. Her in general, though, I am not.

Her eyes become sockets of watery gloss. "Can I please come in to explain?"

I open the door more and move to the side, jerking my head towards the couch for her to take a seat. I shut the door and face with my back turned to her, while she sits on my sofa.

"Jade," she begins. I hear her voice started to shake. "I see how much pain you're in every day. I see it in your eyes. On the outside you portray yourself to be this mean, cold, sinister girl, but on the inside I know that you're breaking. I just wanted to find someone that would make you happy so when you saw Beck being happy you wouldn't break even more."

Well, shit. I didn't know that she could see through me like that. I don't even think Beck was ever able to do that, and if he was he was really bad at it. Usually he could sense when something was bugging me, but never could he see it. I don't say anything.

After a long silence, she continues. "Please, Jade you have to understand. I want you to be happy! Everyone thinks that you're horrifying, and I know that that's not true. Sure, you can be intimidating a lot of the time, but never alarming. I wanted to find a decent guy to ask you out on a date just to give you a night where everything was pushed off to the side,  and you just got to have fun. I wanted to give you a chance to have something special again. But when I asked, nobody wanted to because they said you were too nerve-racking and petrifying. The only way I could do it was by paying a guy, which I know is so, so wrong." She pauses. She waits. She gulps. I know I should say something but I can't find the words. "Jade, you say you like it when people are afraid of you... but why don't I believe that?"

I turn around and tears are streaming down my face. Instantly, Tori's face changes into an empathetic look of fear and sadness. She gets to her feet and walks over to me. Without saying a word, she pulls me in for a hug and I start sobbing on her shoulder. She's right. I don't like it when people are afraid of me. I mean, I like it when people are scared of me at first, but after a while it gets draining. I can't help it, though. I just have a vibe that screams "I'll kill you if you talk to me," and a big resting bitch face. I'm evil, I know. I like it. I like scaring people away so I don't accidentally fall for them, or so I don't get hurt by losing a friend. I scare people because I scare myself. I'm scared of myself. I'm scared of other people. I act out of fear, and that just so happens to make me the gank I am today.

I stop crying and move away from her, sitting back down on the couch. She comes and sits next to me, looking at me waiting for words. I can't look at her, so I just look at my knees and put my head in my hands.

"I'm a monster," I say. "I scare everyone away from me because I'm too afraid of getting hurt. I attack people I get scared and don't know how else to deal with the situation. Hell, the more I lash out the more angry I get with myself, and it pours out onto other people. This is me, and I can't change who I am and I don't want to, but nobody knows the real me and that's what hurts. Yeah, I like being mean, but that's because nobody questions me or bothers me and I intend to keep living that way. At the same time, I hate it because people run away from me and scream as if I'm they're nightmare coming to life. People run from me because they think they know who I am from my looks and my personality, but what they don't know is that's not all there is to me. I might wear all black all the time and have blue or green or purple in my hair, but that's my way of expressing my inner demons. I dress what I feel, and that makes people run because they don't understand it. They don't understand me."

I take a breath. I've been holding that in for so long that I lost track.

Tori puts her hand on my shoulder and I look up at her brown eyes that have light tears rolling out of them.

"Beck was afraid of me today." She looked at me in awe and raised an eyebrow.

She shook her head. "Jade, Beck isn't afraid of you."

"Then why was he so scared of how I would react to him going out with Meredith?" I wipe my eyes again.

"He didn't want to hurt you even more or see you hurt. He wanted to make sure that it was okay."

I let out a sad laugh out of stupidity and sigh. I reach forward and grab some tissues, offering one to Tori. After we calm down and stop all the tears from flowing, she looks at me.

"So, you're not mad at me?"

I grin. "No, Tori. I am not mad at you. But if you tell anyone that I'm not mad at you, I will beat you."

"Oh no, I'm so threatened." She teases and we both chuckle. I love it when she plays along with my sarcasm.

"No but seriously," I say. "I can't have people thinking I've gone soft, Vega."

A smiling Tori says "Okay, okay, I won't tell anyone. No worries. I'm just glad you're not angry with me."

"Me too." We both hug, say goodbye, and get on with the rest of our night.

You know, I'm really grateful that she came over tonight. It shows that she cares, and I need that. Also, I just really needed to vent to someone, and who better to rant to than your frenemy. Ew, I just said frenemy. Tori Vega, what are you doing to me?