Should Have Not Asked - New Adult Romance (Wattys 2014)

Chapter 7 - Losing Face, Gaining Hope

The air between us thickens with every passing second. We never talk since I woke up on his bed. I have no idea how I managed to doze off with Damien on the other side of the bed. I just know that I was biting my tongue the whole time last night so he wouldn't hear me crying.

This morning, we have breakfast in his dining room. No talking, just pure clanking sounds of our utensils. I can't look at him in the eyes because every time I recall what could have happened, I cringe. Despite everything, Damien still includes me in his breakfast. Never have I thought that he has some sense of obligation toward me. He could have kicked me out last night, but he didn't. I wonder why.

His car pulls over in the parking space of the school grounds.

"This is us," he says icily as he reaches for his bag from the back seat.

At the tip of my tongue is the question that might change everything again. I am thinking of asking him to try one more time tonight or tomorrow if he wants to. It's really crazy how desperate I am. I have no idea what got to me last night. We were there on his bed. He was so close to me. I was so close to my one million dollars then it just vaporized into thin air after I started crying.

Fear? Yes and no.

Doubt? Yes and no.

I don't know what it really was.

I was so determined last night that I thought my willpower would drive away all my fears. Perhaps it was because I am too smart to fool myself that it is an okay thing to do. Never will it be justifiable. Having sex with someone I don't even love isn't what my parents taught me growing up. I want my first time to be with the man I love not with the man who can pay for it. Call me the trying hard immaculate Angel Mohr but I never deemed myself doing it unless for procreation purposes. That's pretty much the reason. I am too dignified to stoop that low. It was my impulse that stopped me. It was my inner voice.

"Damien," I finally speak.

He turns to face me with those eyes, bombarding me with all the attention I cannot handle. I don't know what's happening to me, but after last night, I begin to feel really shy. It's like my tongue retreats when he looks at me like this. His eyes are smoldering like he wants to rip me out of my clothes again just like last night.

What is this I'm feeling? It's so new and strange, so intimidating and discomfiting. I want the feisty Angel back, the Angel who can readily answer in retaliation whatever this Damien fires at her. I want her back.

"Please don't tell others." I move my glare to my palms pressed onto my lap.

He nods.

I wish he will keep his promise. That serious look on his face shows pity for me. He might be thinking I am in dismay for not getting his money. Well, I am, and it shows on my face. Damien can't just shower me with money, not without getting his part of the share, and I failed big time there. Charity isn't his thing.

I gather my legs together, push the door open, and hop off. I feel his glare on my back, probably feeling bad for me. I don't look back, and I don't want to. If I do and see him feeling sorry for me, I might just blurt out what I have been thinking the whole time we were driving our way to school. He mustn't think I am this desperate. He mustn't know I am thinking of asking for a second try.

Looks like I'll have to find another way. Damien is officially stripped off the title 'my hope.' It's not like I'm going to look for another guy who is just like him, who has this big appetite for the thing financially desperate women can give. No, I'm not gearing toward that direction again. I'm going to find another ray of light.