Briana had fallen asleep around midnight and Shawn tucked her into her bed. He drank some more with my dad and Uncles while I sat with Chloe and talked to her about what had just happened. Around two in the morning, Shawn and I headed back to the house while Chandler, Chloe, and my parents stayed and drank a bit more. In the house, I removed my shoes and followed Shawn into the kitchen. He searched through the small liquor cabinet that was under the cabinet and pulled out a bottle.
"We are not going to do this again, Shawn." I say.
He turns around and leans against the dark brown wooden island. "Do what again?"
"This! Whatever this is; where we're mad at each other and then make it up by sex."
"So you want sex or no?"
"No! I want to talk."
"Fine, then let's talk."
"I don't want to go to the fight because I don't want to see what you're capable of." I say. Shawn nods while pouring a glass from the bottle. He takes a sip and screws the cap back on. "You know what, why even bother? Goodnight, Shawn."
I turn on my heel to walk out but Shawn stops me with a hand on my forearm. He turns me and looks at me. "I'm listening."
"Then what did I say?"
"I know what I'm perfectly capable of doing. You know, too. You just don't want to be reminded of it again. You saw what I can do in that alley. You have nothing to be afraid of."
"That was different. You stopped because you hit me. This is a fight that I know you're going to be more aggressive in."
"What's the real reason you don't want to come to this fight?" Shawn's voice raises slightly and it terrifies me. "Because you and I both know that you can come, you just don't want to. So tell me why. Don't lie to me, Jasmine. Just tell me the truth." His grip on my arm gets a bit tighter and his voice rises a bit more. "Why don't you want to go with me?"
"Because I'm scared!" I shout. I didn't mean to shout, but that's how it came out. He releases me and takes a small step back. "How many times do I have to tell you? I'm afraid, Shawn. Petrified. Terrified. Scared. Afraid. You win and you leave. You lose and you leave. I'm scared because no matter how many times you try to reassure me that we're going to be okay, I know for a fact that we aren't going to. You'll either be in a different country or a different state. And I'll be dorming while you go off doing one or the other. Shawn, you don't have to lie to me. I know that this" - I point a finger back and forth between he and I - "is going to be over soon. And that scares me." My voice cracks and I clear my throat to pass it off as nothing.
Shawn is silent and I lean against the counter. My face is buried in my hands and I let out a long sigh. I shake my head at the words that flew out of my mouth.
"Why didn't you say that?" Shawn asks me.
"I didn't want to make a scene back there." I say as I run my hands through my hair.
"Jasmine..."
"No. Don't Jasmine me."
"Jasmine." Shawn places a hand at me chin and tilts my head up to look at him. "What are you afraid of?"
"You," I whisper. "I'm afraid of losing you."
"I'm right here," he whispers back. He wraps his arms around me and I burry my head into his chest as he rubs a hand up and down my back, hugging me tighter to his body. "I fight for a living. I'll fight to make us work."
I stand on my toes and kiss his jaw. His hands go to my hips as his lips are parted and he goes to kiss me, only for me to pull back. His lips still meet mine and he kisses me. Had he not been holding me I would have fallen to the floor with the way that the kiss made my knees feel weak. Shawn spares no time in picking me up and placing me on the counter. I wrap my legs around him and kiss him back while he places his hands at my naked thighs under my blue dress.
