The Life of an Introvert

What is Social Anxiety?

I actually don't have social anxiety, so that probably doesn't make me the most qualified person to talk about this, but I do know at least one person that does have diagnosed social anxiety disorder. I'll try to describe it to the best of my ability.

You've probably heard the word "social anxiety" eight million times by now. Don't like class presentations? Don't like asking the random grocery store employee where they keep the spicy Cheetos? Do you sometimes get nervous when you're about to walk up to a group of popular girls who will hate you if you don't wear the right color on Wednesdays?

Most of us have experienced those moments where we flake out in social situations. If you're shy, social situations just may be plain painful.

Social anxiety is basically a more intense form of shyness. It's an extreme form of anxiety that is also called a phobia.

Psychologists describe it as a condition where a person is uncomfortable or fearful in a social situation of being judged by others.

Honestly, at first that sounded like a broad and vague definition to me. Almost every shy person on the planet could fall under that definition, but not all shy people have social anxiety. Shyness could mean anything from getting a little nervous giving a speech in front of 3,000 people, to being afraid to ask for a napkin in the cafeteria. That, I guess is the major difference between shyness and social anxiety. Shyness is not always intense, and a lot of the time, it is something that can be overcome with some help. Social anxiety is usually more intense and harder to overcome, but not impossible.

Either way, like I said, I don't have much experience with social anxiety, so I talked to my close friend, let's call him Ray (fake name), that does have it.

Ray asked me to make a post about this. He wanted me to share his experiences here so that others have a better idea of what it's like.

When Ray walked through the hallways at school, he was sure that everyone who looks at him is making fun of him or laughing at him somehow. Even though he knew it's not true, he couldn't stop thinking about it for the rest of the day.

When Ray had to call someone or talk on the phone, he was afraid that the other person will be mad at him. He was afraid that he will waste their time. He analyzed every conversation or phone conversation he's made over the day, wondering if anything he said could have upset someone else or caused them to hate him.

Teachers are the worst. Ray freezes up and found that he couldn't say anything if a teacher approaches him and asks him a question. When he wants to talk to a teacher after school, he has to walk around the school 3 times in order to work up the courage to enter their room.

Class presentations (or any kind of presentations) are the worst. Almost every kid gets nervous or messes up sometimes during presentations. My voice cracks at inappropriate times, and it's extremely annoying. For kids like Ray, though, it can be more painful and humiliating. Ray told me that during a presentation once he was visibly shaking from head to toe, and stammering uncontrollably. I've only seen him present once, but I imagine it is incredibly frustrating. What's worse is that I've seen other kids making fun of him behind his back for it. Ironically, the social anxiety that makes him fear other people judging him is what causes other people to judge him.

Is it right that other people judge him and make fun of him? No. It is not something that he chooses to control or wanted to have happen to him. It's something that he works hard to control. A lot of people don't seek help for this because they fear judgement and they feel as if there isn't anything they can do to get control of this disorder. 35% of people who have it say that they went through it for 10 years before trying to get help for it.

Some people with social anxiety find that it's caused by something that happened earlier in their life. Bullying, especially can play into it. It seems to be a mix of environmental and genetic factors. Ray told me about some of the bullying he went through in elementary school, even by a teacher, that could have contributed to the social anxiety he developed.

If you think you have social anxiety (sorry, don't mean to sound like an infomercial here), it's always something you can ask your doctor about. Especially if it's getting in the way of your life to the point where you cannot talk to your friends or family. A lot of people self-diagnose when it comes to social anxiety disorder, but the best way in this case is really through a doctor.

There are many ways of treating social anxiety. In some cases, people may take medication. In some cases, however, a lifestyle change, counseling, a lifestyle change, or taking small steps to practice talking to and interacting with people can help a lot.

Ray is doing a lot better. His worst years were definitely in middle school (Almost everybody's worse years were in middle school), but since then he has gotten help and he has good friends who treat him right. He's moved past the people who used to bully him, and he is actually rather extroverted (from what I can tell). That was something that was part of his personality all along.

As far as being an introvert goes, I'd say people should not make the mistake of mixing up introversion and social anxiety. Introversion is not the fear of talking to people, especially not to the point where it gets in the way of your daily life.

If anyone knows or believes they may be suffering from something like this, there are 15 million people out there who have diagnosed social anxiety disorder. You are definitely not alone. There is no shame in acknowledging it.