Hopes (MANXMAN)

chapitre 7

Aiden pov :

Sometimes , i wonder if i will ever be happy with myself . I worry that if i can't be happy with myself , then nobody will ever be happy with me and that makes me even more scared . I keep telling myself that i'm like everyone else but as the days goes  by i don't even recognize myself . I'm  useless , weak and i'm  an incecure person .... i'm a different person . I don't even know what's wrong with me anymore , have you ever just cried because you are you ? Cause i did . I'm exhausted from trying to be stonger than what i feel ... i just need someone to hug me and tell me that i'm not as worthless as i think i am .

It's been about 2 month since i became a member of Markes pack . I felt better here , i was still alone but at least Marke was sometimes  here to cheer me up  . I have been barely talking  , i came to point where  i hated every singel thing about myself even my voice ... i hated myself for not being strong enough , i hated myself for looking like a girl . I just  hated myself. I don't blame enyone for this .I did this to myself , it's all my fault . Everything is my fault . I can't tell you how many times i wished i was dead but maybe i deserve all of this . I wanted to talk about this , i wanted to scream , yell and shout but i couldn't . I felt empty ...maybe life isn't for everyone . Being treated like trash by everyone including your parent hurts ... it hurts so much . Most of my feelings  are dead .... and they are gone .

I hate the people who made me feel this way  . I want them to suffer as much as i did . I wanted them to feel little , to feel useless , to feel worthless . I wanted them to beg , to cry . I wanted them to be just like me ; broken into million pieces . I had hope of a better life when i lived with klaus , but he hurted me more than the others , he made me feel safe ... he made me believe that i had a friend ,than...he broke me .

I had to go to the Markes office . He told me that he has a good news for me . You can tell that he is a good person , he was here to help me ... he made me smile when i was feeling down . I think that he is a good alpha . He is stronger and way more muscular than me but he never made me feel small . Yet i didn't want to get attached to him . He reminded me of Klaus and i hated that .

When i arrived at his office he was waiting for me with a big smile . When we entred the office , i sat on the couch and he sat beside me . I waited for him to tell me the good news .

"I have a pack meeting with other alphas , in an other pack and you are comming with me " he said . I kept staring at him withount saying enything .

"Come on Aiden you need to have fun . I think that you will be happy when we'll be there "

"Where are we going ? And why do i have to come along ? " i asked a little bit confused , the betas are supposed to go to the pack meeting .

"It's a suprise , all i can say is that we will go there tomorrow " he said .

"Please don't do enything stupid okay  " i said , than i got up and went back home . This guy is crazy .

When i got home , i decided to take a bath and relax a little . When i entred the bathroom i avoided looking at myself in the mirror . All the marcks on my neck still there , it reminded me of things that i wanted to forget . I looked at my hands and i saw scratches ... why didn't they go away ? Shouldn't they disapear after two month or were they just here to remind me of Trico ? I missed him , i wanted him back , he was the only one who didn't  abondonned me yet i left him behind . I hope he is okay . I felt so tired thinking about this ... i closed my eyes and i felt relaxed ...i fell asleep

I felt something touching me than it shaked me making me open my eyes . It was Marke . What the heck is he doing here .
I decided to get up but i remembered that i was naked and im still in the bathtub .

"Don't feak out . I called you but you didn't answer my phone calls  i was worried " he said . He made me laugh he was caring for someone that he didn't know . I gave him a soft smile .

"What do you want then ? "

"I was going to ask you to comeover for dinner , but since i came let's eat here " he said

"I didn't make enything yet "

"It's okay i'll look in the fridge while you get dressed " he said walking out of the bathroom  .
He was tying to make me feel happy ... but i couldn't be . He want me to feel safe yet i no longer care about my safety .  I  no longer trust anyone . I told him that i don't need his pity  but he told me that i was now his little brother and that he already cared for me more than he should . He think that he know what i went through yet he don't know enything about me .

I dryed myself and wore my pijamas . Than i went down stairs and saw him putting plates on the table . It smelled good , it's been soo long since i had a real meal . I couldn't eat in that period , i was busy waiting all day long for someone to come and tell me that all of this was a joke , but they never came . I accepted my faith without fighting .

"I didn't know Mark , the alpha , will one day cook for me " i said sarcasticaly while taking a seat . He gave me smile and took a seat . We began to eat in silence , i was enjoying this .

"You're feeling better ? " he asked with a conserned look .

"I'm fine " i said looking at him "i don't feel like hiting someone or screaming at them . I don't feel like killing myself so i guess i'm okay ."

"I know what y-" he tried to say but i cut him off by getting up and slaming my hands on the table .

"You don't know enything " i yelled at him " don't act like you know me or something cause believe me you don't " i gave him a hateful glare .

"I didn't have a perfect life either you know " he continued .

"Oh i feel sorry for you alpha , what did they do to you ?" He was going to say something but i continued " did they treated you like trash ? did they made you feel useless ? . Did they broke you to the point where you don't even know who you are anymore ? I don't even remember what it's like to not feel broken . So don't act like you understand what i feel ." I gave him a hateful look and when upstairs as fast as i could not willing to heard  more words comming out of his mouth
No one can understand what i went through .

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Hello there ^-^ i hope you liked this chapitre .

Sorry for any grammar mistakes that i may made .

Thanks for reading ! I'll see you in the chapitre ^-^

(The person on the photo is Marke )