Hopes (MANXMAN)

chapitre 8

Aiden prov : 

Today , i realized that i don't care anymore . And then , i realized that i always did anyways . I guess i just made myself believe my own lies . I wanted to forget about everything and everyone . Yet i wanted to talk to him one last time , i wanted to hear his voice , i wented to hear the way he said my name . I wanted him to tell me that these last few  months  have been hard for him and that it was harder for him to even try to forget about me . In the other hand , i just wanted to look at him and swallow the last bit of hope that i have , cause all my tears have been used all . Cause my voice was dead .... because of all the nights where i woke up screaming , cause the nightmares were too realistic . I want to tell him that i hated him .... Maybe then i can finally let go . I wanted to tell my parents how much i hated them . I wanted to tell them how much they destroyed me and how much they broke me . Yet part of me wanted to tell them that i loved them . Part of me wanted to tell them sorry for not being good enough . I wanted to tell them that i'm sorry for not being their dream son . I know it's too late for that ... so i convinced myself to change , i wanted to become someone else . Someone who doesn't care , someone who doen't even care about his own feelings . I feel like i don't need anyone to help me or even talk to me . I feel like i need to be left alone ...

I was packing the things that i need... it was time to go to that pack meeting yet i tried my best to do it as slowly as i can . I though that if i take too much time they will leave me and go. But , i decided to go and stop my childish comportement . I saw Marke ,  beta James and some pack warriors . Why am i comming along  with them  ?  I don't even know and i didn't want to ask questions . I got in one of the cars that were waiting for us , i wasn't in the mood to be friendly and talk to them , i didn't even look at them  . I puted my headphones on and looked though the window , thinking about my last pack . Part of me wanted the meeting to be there . Cause i wanted everyone to see that it's not that easy to brake me . I wanted them to realize that they broke the wrong part of me . They broke my wings and forgot that i had fangs . I wanted them to see that i changed . I want them to see that i don't care about them . I wanted them all to see that i'm becoming someone who doesn't care. I wanted my parents to regret , i wanted them to look at me and realize what  they did to me , i just wanted them to say sorry . But , from him .... i didn't exepect anything , not even a reaction . Why would he even care ? He was the one who throwed me out of his pack .

I felt tired , i didn't sleep last night . I busy thinking of them ... i wanted to forget about everything yet every memorie and everything that they said is hunting me . I decided to sleep a little bit , i closed my eyes then i heared the car's door open but i  didn't make the effort to look , i just let the darckness take over.

I felt something touching me making me open my eyes , it was Marke , i gave him a comforting look . 

"We're here , so wake up and come , we need to say hello the packs that are here " he said taking my wrist and dragging me out of the car . When i was out , i looked around me , it took me about five seconds to realize where i was . I'm dreaming right ? This can't be real , it can't . I know that i hoped for it to happen but i never thought that it will acctually happen . I didn't know what to do , i was shoked . I thought that i don't care anymore but i was wrong . I thought that i was strong enough to fight their look but i was wrong . I was shaking and my heart was going too fast . I turned around and looked at Marke who was giving me a rassuring look .

"This is a joke right ? Don't tell me we are in my previous pack terriotory " i said trying to stay calm .

"Yes we are " he simply said then he start walking towred to pack houses door . Is he serious ? Was he trying to make me go out of my mind ?.

"What are you trying to do idiot ?  " i screamed at him making him stop .

"Aren't you the one who wanted to come here and see how's everybody doing . Or am i wrong Aiden ? " he said with a hard tone . " So either you come with me and face your fears or either you go back and let those  memories hunt you forever "

He was right ... i need to do this . I need to go there and face them , specially him . I hesitated... i feel like i'm not ready for this . I know that this opportunity will only happen one time but i felt scared... But i decided to go with him ... this was the only chance for me to move on . We walked to the pack house and when we entred i saw many people that i didn't know ... they had such a strong aura around them  . I guess they were all alphas and betas , they were all men... I was standing beside Marke who was talking to some man i didn't know . I was quiet and i didn't move , i kept looking at the floor . Being in a room filled with alphas is very intimidating i guess . The house door opened and another man entred , i looked at him , i had a feeling that he was the type of people that i hate . The ones who think they could have enything they want or say anything they wanted and expect to get away with it . He then looked at me and smiled .

"I didn't know that we had to bring our whore here " the guy said while laughing making me cring . I gave Marke a shoked expression yet he didn't do enything . Some other guys began to laugh like it was the funniest thing . He walked towred me and grabbed my chin making me look at him ." Can i borrow it Marke ? He seem very innocent , i would like to brake him " he said licking his lips .

"Sure, you can have what's mine Dimirtis " Marke said , he was smiling at me . What was he doing ? Playing a game or what ?  I slapped Dimitris hand making him look at me with shock , i gave him a hateful glare . Then looked at Marke .

"I need to go out , when you finish your meeting , call me so we can go back home ." I said with a soft voice

"What are you talking about ? We are staying here for four days " he explained . Huh ? Did i hear him right ? I didn't want to scream at him in front of all this people so i gave him a hateful glare  and went out of the house . I tried my best to stay calm . This guy is going to cause my death .

I went to the garden and thanks god no one was there . I sat on a bench . I decided to read the book that was in my backpack since my other book are probably in the room where i'll will be staying in . This is going to be hard . Staying calm was going to be hard ...

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