Crack Classic Rock Oneshots

Maylor + Roggie x Car

(A/N: I'm baack.
With something that's NOT about The Beatles. Woaah.

Who do you ship harder? Maylor, Roggie and Car or Freddie and Cats?)

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Once upon a time there was sad, lonely Roggie. No one like sad, lonely Roggie, even his bandmates. They always laughed at him that he looks like an ugly girl. It wasn't true. He looked like a pretty girl!

If he loved something in this cruel world, it was Brian... oh, pardon, my mistake, it was his car. His beautiful, red car, with red, shining body. He liked to think about her as his girlfriend. She was fast, efficient and always made him come... to the place, I mean.

Few years passed. Their band – ''Queer'' – became famous and everyone started to appreciate their musical talent.

They've just finished a revelational concert in 'Murrica and went backstage. That one guy who played the bass and Freddie quickly left, so Brian and Rog were alone.

Suddenly, the guitarist did something, what surprised Roger. He gave him a rose bouquet and said:

''Roggie... I think Ima in love with u. Will u be my boyfriend?''

Sad, lonely Roggie was totally shocked.

''B-but... I'm not gay. And you too.''

''So... will u be my girlfriend?''

''Okay, that's better.''

''I think I were in love with u for the long time...'' Bri confessed.

''Aww.''

And then they snogged behind the scene.

* * *

Next day Roger woke up with a hangover and a big guiltness.

He shouldn't do that with Brian. He had a girlfriend. How could he cheat on her? How could he cheat on that can of metal with the ''Queer'' guitarist?

Taylor, what have u done?

After few hours of thinking, Rog made a decision: he'll play both sides of the fence: on the one hand – Brian, on the other – car. What could possibly go wrong?

So he went to the studio where his friends greeted him.

''Hi, darling.'' Said Freddie, coming to him. ''I've red a text of this song you showed me. You're fucked up lol.'' He gave him back a manuscript of I'm in love with my car.

''What's that? Can I read it?'' Asked Brian curiously, took a paper and started to read it. Roggie felt a bit confounded, wonder why lol.

''What? In car? What about me? roGGIE?'' The guitarist cried, feeling betrayed.

''It's jus a song I luv u.'' Said Taylor awkwardly. What a dirty liar.

But still, Rog couldn't count on secks today so he decided to go and drown his sorrows in car's embrace.

Why everything was so complicated? Why couldn't he have the two he loved the most: the CAR and BRIAN. Oh gawd life is so cruel.

Sad, lonely Roggie was sitting and crying in his giant villa. And then he drove his car to the bedroom and hugged her to sleep.

* * *

Time has moved on, week after week. Bri has finally left his suspicions and they made Maylor in the corner, thinking that no one sees them. Lol u wish.

Meanwhile, Freddie had his cats and that one guy who played bass was sitting and drinking his tea and everyone was happy.

Maybe except for Roggie's car but she couldn't object because she was fUCKIn autOmobile.

One day Taylor was calmly dressing himself because they had a gig, when suddenly he felt fire of guiltness in his chest. He ignored his girlfriend so much these days. So he went to the living room to apologize.

And there she was. Red. Beautiful. Sparkly.

I think I don't have to say what has happened next. Exhaust pipe and stuff. Y'know.

Rest of the queers, i mean, Queens, oh what's the difference anyway, began to worry. Taylor was never late. So they went to percusist's house to chceck, if he's fine.

And the knocked. And knocked. And knocked. But no one opened.

''What do we do?'' Freddie asked.

''Wait a second.'' Said Brian, pulled a crowbar out of his hair and broke down the door.

After that, they sam really happy view.

Roger Taylor shagging his car in the living room. #TypicalQueen'sDay

May started to cry and scream. His heart broke onto pieces. ''Roger! How dARE U?!''

''Brian... please... this is not what you think it is.'' Roger tried to dress himself as quick as he could.

''I thought you love me! That I mean something to you! And you prefer to fuck this bitch!'' Brian screamed.

''Holly shit.'' Said Mercury.

''Oh my tea, queer's drama.'' Said that one guy who played the bass and went to kitchen to make himself a tea.

They left arguing Maylor. Brian was in despair and heartbroken because of betray. In his heart burnt a fury and need to revenge. He ran out of the house, a plan forming in his mind.

Like, he could kidnap one of Freddie's cats, slip it to Roggie's house, so Freddie will become furious and will kill Taylor and Brian will be watching it and eating popcorn. Brillian idea. May, ur so genius.

He did it.

And then Freddie Mercury broke throught the Roger's villa's wall with a chainsaw. Nice.

''YOU!'' He screamed to the crying man.

''What?'' Taylor sniffed.

''MY cAT! I KnOW HE'S HeRe. WHEre?!'' Yep. Mercury definitely looked like a god of fury right now.

''The fuck youre talking about?'' Asked the percussionist, when suddenly a fluffy little cat came to the room, meowing.

''Oscar! There you are!'' Freddie ran to his pet, making sure he's safe. ''And you! YoU wiLL DIE.''

''But it't not me!''

''So who then?'' Mercury turned the chainsaw on already.

''It's... it's Brian!'' After those words, Roggie ran away to his car, launched her and drove away in panic.

They were driving and driving together. Roger felt that he has left his old life behind him. He smiled happily and stopped. Percussionist lied down on the hood of the car, watching bright colours of sunset.

After that day, they were together forever, they love shining like a starr.

Meanwhile, Freddie Mercury killed Brian May with his own Red Special, grabbed his cats and ran away. No one saw him anymore.

And that one guy who played bass became the world's champion in Hide and seek and no one saw him anymore, too.

Everyone lived happily ever after woohoo.

THE END