Crack Classic Rock Oneshots

Marilyn Manson x Ozzy Osbourne

Welcome!

Lol, it's been so long. Lack of ideas, okay? XD But prepare for some Christmas special perhaps... Especially because it's gonna be my 🌈One Year on Wattpad Anniversary🌈

And now look for this epic ship!

Ha, starrisonqueer, told ya I'll write this!

Enjoy!

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Once upon a time there was — no, actually not a Satan, more like his bestie or smth like this. He was obviously the best satanist ever, sreww Anton Szandor LaVey. In his all majesty, Marilyn Manson.

It was a bootyful year 1996, after a concert, when (as always duh) he was taking part in a gjantic orgy on the scene. in the middle of a circle of burning Bibles. Shagging his fans. When meanwhile his bandmates were smashing guitars over the policemen's faces. Everyone hardly drugged ofc

"Wait, that's boring," said Marilyn out of blue. Very boring indeed. "Time to change something."

"change what?" One of his bandmate's head popped out of a stake of cocaine.

"I don't know..." Manson's gaze wandered through the anarchy, all the fans having sex, sucking each other off and...

Boom

That was it

That was it!

"I'LL SUCK MY OWN DICK!" scremed da guy "But it's hard... I need to have my ribs removed first!" And then he casually ran out of stage to casually remove his ribs and casually suck himself off. Casual. That's the right word.

It took him long to find a doctor brace enough to do a surgery... Wonder why? :) Anyway, der was some dark, mysterious guy, who agreeded to do this.

"How much I pay for this?" Marilyn asked thru the telephone,, he didn't care about money tho — the only things he had in mind was a delicious dream of getting his own manhood down his throat. See, how simple man he was?

("What the heck is going on here?" asked my grandpa and drowned me in a Holy Water. I resurrected and kept on writing)

"Oh," the doctor laughed. Vv strange laugh. "Your soul."

"That can be arranged," the musician smiled.

* * *

Well, that definitely wasn't a clinic.

More like some dark dungeon with pentagram's scribbled on walls (probably with blood or ketchup, it's up to you), burning torches and crowd of hooded people with knives.

"ookay..." Marilyn looked around. "What's goi on here?

Silence.

One of them,,, probbly their leader walked into the man's direction. "You," he pointed at Manson with his knife, speking in husky voice. "Are you ready?"

"Wasnt it, uh, supposed to be a surgery?"

the leader laughed. "No. It was not." He took his hoodie off to reveal Ozzy Osbourne.

Dun dun dun duuun!

Because fuck the timeline, it's 🌈crackfic magic🌈

They tied up poor Marilyn to the table and begun all the necessary preparations, singing some demonic songs in non-human language. Interesting.

"SATAN!" screamed Ozzy. "TAKE THIS MAN'S TWO RIBS AND BLESS HIM! AVE!"

"Ave! Ave! Ave!" The crowd was screaming

The fire was burning.

"Ave! Ave! Ave!"

Osbourne raised his knife.

"Ave! Ave! Ave!"

BOOM!

A sudden lightning bolt hit Manson's body, making him scream and lightning Ozzy's face majestically. Ya get it, you have probably seen it in movies

He looked so powerful and beautiful now.The musician forgot about his pain and watched the leader's face in awe. Eyes opened wide. Every second passed lik an eternity. His heart started beating faster (probably from an eletrical shock, but screw it, let's say GAY POWER).

And then it all ended. Just like this.

...

Ozzy sighed. "You've got your two ribs removed. Now you can succesfully suck yourself off. May the Satan be with you."

"No, WAIT!" Marilyn screamed and took Osbourne 's hand. "I want you to suck me off."

Aww

Awwwww <33

The leader blushed. "I-I... I'll do it." Witg thos words the rest of the cult backed off and two men were finally alone. Hooray the privacy

Ozzy reached Marilyn's belt (let's say they're the same age, it'd be less disturbing then lolll)). They kissed.

And then they casually had sex

; ))) Imagine this guys

And Satan was watching dem in da corner. Tears filled the demon's eyes. "What about me?" The words stuck in his throat with heart torn apart. Ozzilyn were too caught up in the vERy inTEnSe moment to notice him running away, eyes full of tears or smth lol

Where did he go?

The answer was obvous

"Oh Jimmy... You're the only one that understands me."

"I do, Sattie," Led Zeppelin's guitarist caressed his demonic cheek. "Sure I do."

He hugged him, as if nothing mattered, as if they were meant for each other,, wishing for that moment to last forever an-

"Jimmy, where is m- JIMMY?!" Robert Plant walked into the room in the worst moment ever. "WHO IS THIS BITCH?!"

"It's Satan, ruller of hell."

"WHAT A BITCH! IT'S MY BOYFRIEND!"

Bonzo walked in through the (bathroom's) window and threw potatoe at them and walked out bye lolz

Classic rock couples are very complicated, aren't they?

things were mooch simplier for Marilyn and Ozzy; they fell in love with each other and got married and had kids and were playing, eating bats and throwing orgieson the stage together. Happy, cute couple

You should all ship them.

Plant finally won Pages heart cuz y'know... JIMBEERT ALL THE WAY.

But then everything exploded, 'cause Keith Moon has set a thermonuclesr bomb, so I guess it's over🔥🔥

#OzzilynIsReal

THE END.