Crack Classic Rock Oneshots

Dick Bagger

A/N: Wait, there was no Dick Bagger oneshot before?
How could I???

The realest ship ever incoming!

Btw. don't forget to vote and comment, everytime you give me feedback, rainbow appears on the sky,, really.

Enjoy!

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Once upon a time there was Mick Jagger, da most famous rolling rock I mean rolling stone I mean rolling mountain nvm you get the point, he was stoned and he rocked.

“Wait, what the hell,” saided John Brians (or Brian Jones choose your own option), interrupting this oneshot, very offended. “I'm the most famuos Rolling Stone!”

“Shut up, its my story.” And then John Brians/Brian Jones died squashed by 16 tonnes [*].

“What about me?” asked Keef, but the author couldn't kill him bc he was freaking immortal.

Sorry Bill and Charlie.

So anyway Stones wer at the top of their fame and actually giving a concert. Fans nearly went crazy, throwing themselves at the stage an screaming with passion. Drugs. Rockn'roll. Everything perfect.

All of a sudden Mick stopped singing. Everyone looked at him, puzzled

“I'm bored of this. Screw it, I'm gonna start new life in a streaptease club,” he said and simply left.

Whos gonna forbid him, lol.

He did as he said and s00n Mick Jagger became one of the most famous stripteaser in the whole England. Crowds gathered to see him — more peepol wanted 2 see Jagger than Stones themselves and not so much time passed until everyone forgot about the famous band. Nobody bought tickets to their next concert. It was all about Mick.

It was lik the stab in the guts for Rolling Stones; Mick was a traitor.

Guys came to the studio to talk about the shameful betrayal.

“That lil fucker stole our fans!” Richards screamed.

“... let's kill him,,” proposed Brian (he resurrected bc he was Brian freaking Jones), smiling deeply — the devil was hiding in this innocent boy.

Keith Richards looked at him, deep in his thoughts... He and Mick were friends since both were 17, and they found themselves very close each other... He nodded. What a great friend. ♥

“Im okay with this either,” Charlie shrugged.

“Is that necessary?” asked Billy But was silenced by de rest and decision was done — Mick Jagger was gonna die.

Dun dun dun duuun.

Meanwhile some alien watched Jagger from the space; he watched him and liked what he saw.

The night was beautiful — stars shining deliately, moon bright and fouR FUCKIN STONES GOING TO MURDER HIS BANDMATE. How luvely.

But there was 1 place that never slep. The club. People were e v e r y w h e r e, and by everywhere I mean everywhere. Thousands of them, gathered to see one person..... Mick Jagger, who swirled around the scene majestically, getting rid of every part of his clothes, showing his bootyful body. Lights, music, fainting fans!

Three of the Stones stood with knives and revolvers (swear this is not Beetles reference in Rolling Stones' story), wearing dark clothes, hidden in the crowd.

But one person was missing.

Keith looked around ““Where's Brian?”

“Maybe he's too afraid,” Charlie laughed, bit his laugh was cut off when suddenly BRIAN FUCKING JONES BROKE THROUGH THE WALL IN A TANK, SCREAMING "Taste my revenge, bitch!"

Every1 screamed an ran away in panic; Jones laughed hysterically and aimed into Mick.

Goodbye, Jagg-

And then Ziggay Stardust came through the sky, saving Jaggers life, and his spiders from Mars ate the rest of the Stones (becoz screw timing, crackfic magic!) (Keef Richards survived tho). Ziggay picked Mick up, bridal style, and flew away.

“My savior!” Jagger hugged him when they finally landed safely. “U saved my life!”

“I did,” said Stardust, smiling.

N den they fell in love with each other and kissed deeply, connected by the most powerfool feeling-

Nah, kidding, theyve just shagged

Then Ziggay turned into David Bowie and two men lived together, creating moosic to the end of time and lived happily ever after. their love shone so brigtly that dey decided to marry each other.

Bowie was the first one who got this idea. When Jagger came back from a threesome with Bianca and Angie (whynot lol), David kneeled down

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

“( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)” said Mick.

“No, wait, let me finish,” he took a deep breath, finding a courage. “Mick, you're a great man, you're great in bed, this is love at first shag. And now I'm gonna ask you — will you marry m-”

And then giantic meteor came down and crashed on Earth, ending every life on it.

Welp, shit happens

At least they could be together in hell- I mean heaven.

but there was 1 person that survived. 1 person that emerged from the flames, rising like a phoenix from ashes.

Keef Richards survived. His drugs also survived and that was all he needed.

#RichardsxDrugs #IShipIt

And everyone was dead happily ever after.

THE END