Crack Classic Rock Oneshots

Concept Christmas

A/N: Merry Christmas or anything you're celebrating, guys! Much more Pink Floyd to you! 💚🎄

Here's oneshot. Exactly one year after posting my first one. Wooh! 🌈

Enjoy!

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Once upon a time Roger Waters was born. With all of his glory, our majestic savior with voice of an angel (Gilmour's better but I didn't say it) and the most powerful bass in the world.

Roger Waters was clever kid; many tragedies happened in his life, but he remained strong and carried on. "Hey y'know that my father died in war," he used to ask.

Soon he started writing his own Bible — people laughed at him, telling him that its pointless. Nobody cared about Roger Waters' words of wisdom. So he threw bricks at them, telling to fuck off. It was important. It was his mission.

Roger Waters also met his Three Apostles; Nick, Rick and Syd. Three wise men that listened to him carefully, knowing how wise, powerful, amazing, majestic, intelligent, great, kind, absolutely right etc. etc. Roger Waters was. The Light of Their Lives.

"Roger, teach me, master," Nick pleaded, falling on his knees.

"oh Roger, dear Lord, ur so powerful," Rick screamed.

"Guys we're running out of drugs," said Syd.

A few year later...

...The Wall was finally completed, and Concept Album Power shined on the entire world. Humanity was saved.

Ave!

But not everyone was happy; der was the Devil, vicious snake, that wanted to destroy everything Roger Waters achieved for people with all of his kindness. He hated it. HE'LL DESTROY ROGER WATERS NO MATTER WHAT. MUAHAHAHA

"My dear people," said Roger Waters to his worshippers, with face full of sadness, maybe even fear. "I am afraid that the dark times are coming. Darkness is coming for us, but we can't have hearts full of fear for I am protecting you, and we shall destroy the evil seed!"

Everyone screamed with agreement. Ave!

And then there was epic battle with Roger Waters and his believers versus Satan himself, David Gilmour. Boom! Woop! Battle lasted for many days, was epic and included lightsabers and wands.

Roger Waters used his own body to protect his people, saving their lives. But he died himself from Gilmour's poison.

There was a silence.

"I... I did it," Satan whispered. "I destroyed Roger Waters. YOUR GOD IS DEAD! NOW BURN THE WALL!"

People cried; it was impossible!

But then Roger Waters resurrected and kicked his ass. And world was saved! Woo!

Our Lord and Savior builded Great Wall of China; nobody knew exactly why, but he did it. At least it stopped the Huns, aint it?

"Worry not my peoppe, 'cause I'm looking over you. Be good and listen to The Wall and you'll be saved," Roger Waters said and casually went to heaven.

That's why we celebrate Christmas on these days.

~

"It wasn't like this," said Nick, with mouth full if (obviously crustless pie). "We celebrate Christmas 'cause Jesus was born."

"More likely 'cause it's commercial shit and we want to have some reason to buy shitless tonnes of food and presents and get drunk, but yes," Rick Wright added.

"And why am I Satan? Screw you, Waters!" screamed Gilmour.

"...I liked it," Syd Barrett spoke.

Roger Waters crossed his arms and sighed. "You didn't listen to this story carefully. It's telling you the truth."

"The only truth I see is that you're narcisstic shit," David sassed.

"Oooh, you-"

"Guys, don't fight! It's supposed to be a nice time. Let's eat and celebrate it peacefully. Look, we have food!"

"Yeah, you're right," Roger Waters shrugged. "But let me say one last thing, Rick's sweather is really shitty. Alright, thank you."

Rick  Wright hugged his cat tightly. "You're just jealous."

So they started eating, celebrating Christmas together.

"It's too silent." Gilmour looked around. "Somebody play some Christmas carols!"

"I will do it!" Roger Waters volounteered, running to the turtable. Then he sat beside the table casually.

Soon they heard In the Flesh. The Wall. Of course.

"Damn you, Roger!" Every Pink Floyd member shouted in unision.

THE END

~